Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Before Disembarking Plane, Pilot Notices Last Passenger inside Who Is a Carbon Copy of Him – Story of the Day
Before disembarking the plane he had just landed, Captain Edward Blair noticed a lone man on the plane who refused to leave. Upon looking clearly, he realized the man was his carbon copy.
“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. This is Captain Edward Blair speaking. We have just landed at the Chicago Midway International Airport. We hope you enjoyed your flight with us, and we wish to see you on one of your future flights,” the captain spoke from the cockpit after successfully landing the aircraft.
After parking the plane, the captain and his first officer followed protocol by waiting for all passengers to disembark before leaving the cockpit. When it was their turn to leave, he opened the cockpit door and saw the flight purser talking to a man who refused to leave the plane.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“Everything good here?” Edward asked, approaching them.
The flight purser nodded. “I’ll give you guys some time,” she smiled before walking towards the back of the plane.
Edward was confused about why she wanted to leave him alone with the passenger until he realized what she meant. There stood a man who looked exactly like him. Before he could say anything, the man spoke.
“Do you want to see mom?” he asked.
“I can’t believe my eyes. Is it you, Adam? Did mom ever come back? She’s alive and well?” Edward replied, so many thoughts suddenly rushing to his head.
Adam was Edward’s twin brother, whom he hadn’t seen in decades. Edward left the orphanage when he was eight, and they were now 32 years old.
“I asked you a question first. Do you want to see your mom?” Adam asked again with an impatient tone.
Edward nodded, and Adam stepped out of the plane. Edward followed behind and the two of them got into a taxi heading towards the city.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
On the way, Adam was silent the entire time. Meanwhile, Edward couldn’t help but try and explain himself with tears in his eyes.
“When she left us at the orphanage, I really didn’t think she’d ever come back. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I understood that she couldn’t feed us because dad left, but I thought she left us because a part of her wanted to leave us too. I didn’t think she’d ever come back, Adam,” he explained.
“So instead, you agreed to be adopted by a wealthy family. You chose them over ME! I begged you for days not to leave me in that place, but you chose to live a life of comfort over your own blood. She came back a year after you left, and she couldn’t forgive herself for losing you,” Adam answered back.
“Up until today, she blames herself for not having enough to keep you. Don’t get me wrong – I hate you. In fact, I hate you as much as I hate our father. I stopped looking for you years ago, but when I heard your name on that plane, I remembered mom and her wish to see you,” he added with gritted teeth.
After a couple of minutes, the taxi came to a stop. Adam got out and stormed towards an old house that surprised Edward. He realized that his brother and mother lived in poverty.
Although Adam had a long-time girlfriend, he could not ask her to marry him because he spent most of his time working and caring for his sick mother. He’s always wanted to settle down and start a family, but he felt indebted to his mom and wanted to make sure she lived the rest of her life comfortably.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
As they entered the house, Edward immediately saw his mother, Annie, in a wheelchair, sitting in their living room. When she saw both her sons in the same room, she sobbed and could not calm down.
“Oh my god, it’s you, Edward. Adam, you and your brother are both here. You’re back,” she sobbed, bringing her wheelchair closer to her sons.
“He’s not back, mom. He just came to see you, but he’ll be back in his mansion when the night ends,” Adam said passively while pouring a glass of water for his mom to calm down.
Edward didn’t hesitate to walk toward his mom, hug her and beg for forgiveness. “I’m so sorry, mom. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you when you said you’d come back for us. I wish you could forgive me,” he cried.
“I don’t blame you, son. I don’t blame you at all. I am sorry for not being able to give you and Adam a good life from the beginning. I wish I could, but it was so difficult for me to find work. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so glad that you’re here,” his mother replied, stroking his hair as they embraced.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“Would you like to stay the night? We have a lot to catch up on. I’d love for you to spend more time with us,” she asked him.
“I’m sorry, mom, but I have to go home tonight. I got a job in France, so my adoptive parents and I will be moving. The flight back home to Chicago was my last one here. I think it was meant to be that Adam was in the flight, as I got to see you,” he explained.
After hearing that his son was moving to Europe, Annie was heartbroken. “You’re leaving?” she said weakly. “I wish we could have found each other sooner… I’m sad that our time together was so short.”
“I’m sorry, mom. I will visit you as much as I can. I am sure I’ll have flights to the US,” Edward said, apologizing once more.
“Stop getting her hopes up. She doesn’t deserve to be heartbroken at her age. Get out!” Adam retorted, realizing that his brother simply just wanted to see their mother but not build a connection with her.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
A couple of days after their encounter, Adam noticed a transportation service arrive in the house across from theirs, and men started loading furniture inside, along with appliances.
“Mom, it seems someone bought the house right in front of ours. We’ll have new neighbors soon,” he told her.
Annie was delighted, as she had always wanted neighbors. She enjoyed baking and was looking to share her creations with other people.
However, they were surprised when the man who followed shortly after, driving a luxury vehicle, turned out to be Edward. Adam and Annie opened their front door to confront him. “What are you doing here?” Adam asked his brother.
“I spoke to my wife about what happened the other day, and we both realized that our home wasn’t in France, but here. I turned down the job offer from the French airline and told my adoptive parents I wanted to relocate somewhere in Chicago instead. They understood and promised they’d keep in touch while they enjoyed their retirement in Europe,” Edward explained.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“I am sorry that I never got a chance to look for you, mom. I know I’ve made many mistakes in the past, but I hope you give me a chance to prove to you that I am not a bad person and that I genuinely want to spend time with you. I want to reconnect with you too, Adam. We are brothers. I love you both, and I will prove just how much if you’d let me,” he added.
Annie could not believe it, and she began to cry. Edward introduced his wife Emma and young daughter Alex to Annie and Adam, warming their hearts. While Annie caught up with Alex and Emma, Adam and Edward had a good talk.
“I know you don’t trust me at all, Adam, but please give me this chance to prove to you that I have good intentions for you and mom,” he begged.
“I’m willing to let go of my past issues for mom’s sake. She looks happy, and that’s all that matters to me,” Adam admitted.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
The brothers caught up with one another, and Edward found out that Adam had a long-time girlfriend he wanted to marry. He volunteered to take care of their mother in the house next door while Adam worked on his own personal relationship.
Edward had Adam’s house repaired, and the renovations made it look good as new. Adam began to work on his personal life while Edward and his family cared for Annie next door. The family would get together every night for a good meal and conversation.
What can we learn from this story?
- People meant to be in your life will always find their way back to you. Adam didn’t know that Edward was on his flight back to Chicago that day. Their chance encounter brought Edward back to the company of his mother and brother, whom he had not seen for years.
- It’s never too late to start over. Adam was angry at his brother Edward for abandoning him, but they were able to set aside their differences for the sake of their mom. They ended up rebuilding their relationships with one another, leading them to become a stronger and happier family.
Share this story with your loved ones. It might inspire them and make their day.
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