Eight years of marriage fell apart in an instant when my husband Mike brought home his pregnant girlfriend and kicked me out of our house. I packed my bags, but what I really unpacked was a clever plan for revenge!
Eight years. About 2,922 days. Roughly 70,128 hours. Every moment, my heart kept saying one name—MIKE, my husband. I thought he loved me just as much. Oh, how wrong I was! I’m Michelle, a devoted wife who loved her husband deeply, until that shocking night when my world turned upside down.
It was a Tuesday evening when everything changed. I came home tired from a long day at work and found a very pregnant woman sitting on our couch, munching on chips.
At first, I thought I must have walked into the wrong house.
But no, there was the awful floral wallpaper that Mike loved, and there was Mike, looking uncomfortable like he had just swallowed something prickly.
“Hey, Michelle,” he said, sounding as casual as if he were just asking for salt. “We need to talk.”
I stood there, frozen, trying to process what I was seeing. The pregnant woman smiled awkwardly, her hand resting on her belly, looking like she was in a drama show.
“This is Jessica,” Mike said, pointing to the woman on our couch. “She’s pregnant. With my child. It… it just happened. And we’ve decided to be together.”
I waited for the joke. Surely, this was some prank for a reality TV show. Maybe I’d win a car if I didn’t freak out?
But Mike looked serious, and Jessica kept smiling that annoying smile.
Mike looked offended. “Enough, Michelle! This is serious. I think it’s best if you move out. You can go stay with your mom. Jess and I will take over the house.”
I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Nope, still not a dream.
I half-expected Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I’d been Punk’d. But no Ashton. Just my cheating husband and his very pregnant partner.
“Alright,” I said calmly. “I’ll pack my things and leave.”
Mike looked relieved, probably thinking he’d gotten off easy. Jessica’s smile got even bigger, like she had just won the lottery. Little did they know, their luck was about to change, and not for the better.
I went upstairs, packed a suitcase with my essentials, and left without saying a word.
As I drove to my mom’s house, the shock faded, and anger took over. But this wasn’t just any anger. This was the kind that makes you want to do something bold and incredibly satisfying.
The next day, I put my plan into action.
First stop: the bank. I walked in there like a woman on a mission, which I was. I froze our joint account faster than you can say “cheating jerk.”
The look on the bank manager’s face when I explained was priceless. I think he was mentally taking notes for his next book.
Next, I went to a locksmith.
I remembered overhearing Mike tell Jessica they’d be gone for three days, giving me plenty of time to carry out my plan. It felt like the universe was on my side, and who was I to argue with fate?
My next stop: my house. The same cozy home where Mike and I had once made plans for the future, which was now in ruins.
The confused locksmith probably thought I was crazy, laughing as I had him change all the locks on the house. I may have gone a little overboard and asked for the most complicated, high-tech locks. If I was going to do this, I wanted to do it right.
Then came the movers.
I gave them the spare keys and arranged for them to pack up everything I owned, which was basically everything in the house. I even took the toilet paper. Let’s see how Mike and Jessica enjoy using leaves!
But the best part? Oh, that was still to come. I had a brilliant idea that would make this revenge not just sweet, but unforgettable.
I sent out party invitations. A lot of them. To Mike’s family, our friends, his coworkers, and even that nosy neighbor who always complained about our late dog.
The invitation said: “Come celebrate Mike’s new life! Surprise party at our house, tomorrow at 7 p.m.!”
Then, I arranged for a billboard. Yes, a billboard. A huge one. It was delivered and set up on our front lawn, impossible to ignore.
In giant, bold letters, it read: “Congratulations on Dumping Me for Your Pregnant Mistress, Mike! Hope the Baby Doesn’t Inherit Your Infidelity!”
I stepped back to admire my work, feeling like a mischievous fairy godmother who just granted the world’s most ironic wish. With a satisfied smirk and a dramatic hair flip, I walked away, excited for the chaos to come.
The next evening, right on cue, my phone rang. It was Mike, and he sounded like he was losing it.
“Michelle!” he yelled, his voice reaching levels I didn’t know he could hit. “What the hell is going on? Why are there people at our house? And what’s with this crazy billboard?”
“Oh, that?” I said, trying to sound innocent. “Just a little housewarming party for you and Jessica. Don’t you like the decorations?”
“Decorations? It’s a freaking circus out here! And why can’t I get into the house?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, sweetie, you told me to move out, remember? You never mentioned anything about you staying there. The house is under my name, so I changed the locks. Oops!”
There was a long pause on the other end. I could almost hear him trying to understand what was happening.
“Where are we supposed to go?” he finally asked, sounding lost.
“Gee, I don’t know, Mike. Maybe Jessica’s mom would love to have you? I hear pregnancy hormones and in-laws mix really well.”
I hung up, feeling lighter than I had in years. But wait, there was more!
In the following days, I had the utilities turned off, canceled the cable, and made sure all our shared assets were in my name. I put the house up for sale, making sure to mention in the listing that it came with a “bonus front lawn art installation.”
I had Mike served with divorce papers at his work. I even asked the mailman to dress up as a pregnant woman. Just for fun!
But the universe wasn’t finished with Mike yet. Oh no, it had saved the best part for last.
A week later, I got a call from Jessica. Yes, that Jessica. She was crying so much that I could barely understand her.
“Michelle,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… I mean, Mike told me you two were separated. And now… now he’s broke and homeless, and I’m pregnant, and I don’t know what to do!”
I almost felt bad for her. Almost.
“Well, Jessica,” I said, trying not to sound too happy, “I hear the circus is always looking for new acts. Maybe you two could start a juggling duo? You juggle the baby, and he juggles his lies?”
She didn’t appreciate my humor. Tsk! Tsk!
As it turned out, when Jessica learned that Mike was now homeless, broke, and the laughingstock of the town, she decided that being with a guy who had no money, no house, and no future wasn’t a great idea after all.
She dumped him faster than you can say “Karma’s a b****!”
Last I heard, Mike was living in a tiny apartment, trying to scrape together enough money to pay bills and feed himself. His family had cut him off, disgusted by what he did.
They even sent me a fruit basket and an apology card. I ate the fruits while relaxing in my new jacuzzi.
As for me? Well, the house sold for a nice profit. I moved to a beautiful new place, started my own business, and adopted a cat. I named him Karma.
15 Celebrities That Are Descendants of Great Historical Figures
Families can be a bit confusing. And not just when it comes to behavior and relationships, but also when it comes to bloodlines. Today, many companies use genetics to trace your ancestors, all the way back to many generations. These very companies have researched famous celebrities and found out some surprising facts about their antecedents.
Bright Side delved into just a handful of these celebrities and found some relationships. Enough for us to exclaim that history truly repeats itself.
1. Beyoncé Knowles is the 25th cousin of Queen Elizabeth II.
Beyoncé Knowles, well known for being music royalty, has royal blood running in her veins too. She is the 25th cousin to Queen Elizabeth, once removed since they both share King Henry II as a common ancestor.
2. Angelina Jolie has lineage from King Phillip II of France.
King Phillip II of France ruled from 1180 to 1223 and is known to have brought financial stability to his country. He also increased the royal coffers. Actress Angelina Jolie carries French royal blood considering she is a direct descendant of Philip II. Strangely enough, she played Queen Olympias in the 2004 movie Alexander, opposite Val Kilmer’s Phillip II, only this was Phillip II of Macedonia.
3. Brad Pitt is a descendant of King Henry II of England.
Brad Pitt is no less royal either. He can trace his ancestry back to King Henry II of England, who ruled from 1154 until his death in 1189. Coincidentally, King Henry II’s wife, Eleanor of Aquitaine, was first married to French royalty, making Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie somewhat predestined to a failed marriage. This also makes Pitt a 25th cousin, twice removed, to Queen Elizabeth.
4. Jane Austen is Anna Chancellor’s great-aunt.
In 1995, Anna Chancellor starred as Caroline Bingley in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice BBC Miniseries. But she has a deeper connection to Jane Austen as well. The highly venerated author is an 8-time great aunt to Chancellor.
5. H.H. Asquith is Helena Bonham Carter’s great-grandfather.
Helena Bonham Carter is best known for her off-the-beaten-path roles, like that of Mrs. Lovett in Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. But she comes from illustrious family background. Herbert Henry Asquith, the Prime Minister of the UK from 1908 to 1916, was her paternal great-grandfather. She is also related to Jane Austen, and subsequently to Anna Chancellor.
6. Harry Lloyd is a descendant of Charles Dickens.
Harry Lloyd, who plays Viserys Targaryen in Game of Thrones is the great-great-great-grandson of the famous Charles Dickens, the author. Lloyd’s mother, Marion is the descendant of the seventh child of Dickens, Henry Fielding Dickens, who in turn had 5 children.
7. Benedict Cumberbatch is the 16th cousin to King Richard III.
Benedict Cumberbatch is distantly related to King Richard III, who ruled England from 1452 to 1485. He was the last English king to have died during a battle, and later, there was a whole investigation into finding his remains, enough for a reburial. Cumberbatch, who plays Doctor Strange in the Marvel movies, is the 16th cousin to the king. He also read a poem at his royal ancestor’s reburial.
8. King Henry I is the ancestor of Sigourney Weaver.
There seem to be many celebrities who can trace their lineage right back to English kings. King Henry I, who ruled from 1100 to his death in 1135 may have died without a male heir, but his bloodlines spread far and wide. Actress Sigourney Weaver, known for her role in Alien, is a descendant of Henry I, and this also makes her the 24th cousin of the Queen, once removed.
9. Jake Gyllenhaal has antecedents back to King Edward III.
King Edward III ruled the English from 1312 to 1377 and is known as a rather conventional king, who pursued warfare but could also show great clemency. There are many celebrities who can claim blood relations with him, including Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal. Others include Michael Douglas, Hillary Duff, and more.
10. Meghan Markle is related to William Shakespeare.
We know Meghan Markle is related to the British Royal Family, by way of her marrying Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex. But she already has famous blood in her veins, considering she is cousins with the great playwright, William Shakespeare. Markle is a fifth cousin to the Bard, 12 times removed.
11. Ozzy Osbourne is related to Tsar Nicholas II, and more.
Then there is Ozzy Osbourne, and DNA might prove there is a method to his madness. Researchers say that the singer is not just a descendant of the Neanderthal man, but also a relative of outlaw Jesse James. But his claim to royal fame is with the last Russian Tsar, Nicholas II, whose entire family was wiped out in the revolution.
12. Cary Elwes is a descendant of infamous miser John Elwes.
Actor Cary Elwes is related to John Elwes. As a man, John Elwes may have been unremarkable except for the fact that he was an extreme miser. It is also alleged that he was Charles Dickens’s inspiration behind the miserly character, Ebenezer Scrooge, in the classic A Christmas Carol.
13. The Deschanel sisters are related to Louis IV of France.
Zooey and Emily Deschanel have both made their names in Hollywood. Zooey is the star of the series New Girl, while Emily Deschanel was the heroine of Bones. And both can lay claim to royal French blood, all the way back to King Louis IV of France, who ruled from 936 to 954.
14. Anderson Cooper is Cornelius Vanderbilt’s great-grandson.
Anchor and host Anderson Cooper is the great-grandson of Cornelius Vanderbilt, the shipping and railroad magnate whose familial wealth was once more than the US treasury. His mother, Gloria Vanderbilt was the granddaughter of Cornelius, but Cooper remembers deciding to start work early, considering the family fortunes were much diminished by the time he was in his teens.
15. Robert Pattinson is a descendant of Vlad the Impaler.
Robert Pattinson may have played the love-sick vampire, Edward Cullen, in the Twilight series, but he has a real-life blood connection to “Dracula.” Bram Stoker’s famous character was allegedly inspired by the Transylvania despot, Vlad the Impaler, and Pattinson is related to him, via the British royal family.
So which of these celebrity connections really caught your interest? Do you know of your family’s famous genealogical connections too?
Angelina Jolie’s relationship with her father, Jon Voight, has been complex and fraught with tension. However, they have managed to reconcile their differences, with Voight becoming a supportive figure in Jolie’s life, particularly during her divorce from Brad Pitt.
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