Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
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Jennifer Lopez Drops Bombshell: Cancels Tour Amid Divorce Rumors!
Jennifer Lopez has decided to cancel her summer tour of greatest hits to spend more time with her family, as reported by TMZ.
The 54-year-old singer was supposed to start the tour in late June, but she’s decided to stay home and be with her family and friends instead.
This news comes at a time when there are rumors about problems in her relationship with husband Ben Affleck.
Lopez shared a message on her website to explain why she made the tough choice to cancel the tour.
“I am really sad and upset about disappointing you. Please understand that I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t feel like it was really important,” she wrote.
“I promise I’ll make it up to you, and we’ll all be together again. I love you all so much. Until next time…”
Despite rumors suggesting poor ticket sales, a source told the DailyMail that wasn’t true and didn’t play a role in Lopez’s choice to cancel the tour.
“Jennifer made this tough decision this week, and she’s sorry to her fans,” the source said.
Fans who bought tickets through Ticketmaster will get their money back automatically. But those who bought tickets through another company need to contact where they bought the tickets.
Wow! That’s a surprise!
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