Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
I Returned Home with My Daughter Only to Find Out My Husband Had Disappeared — the Reason Left Me Speechless
They say life can change in an instant. For me, that instant came on a Tuesday evening when I returned home from the park with my four-year-old daughter to find our apartment eerily quiet and my husband’s closet completely empty.
Have you ever had that feeling where your whole world shifts beneath your feet? Where everything you thought you knew suddenly doesn’t make sense anymore?
That’s exactly how I felt when I found that note from my husband, telling me he’d only return if I fulfilled “one request.”
A woman standing in her house | Source: Midjourney
I used to think I had a pretty good handle on my life.
At thirty, I had what most people would consider the whole package. A beautiful daughter, a stable marriage, and a cozy apartment in the city.
Sure, Jordan and I had our moments, like any couple married for six years, but we always worked through them.
I thought my life was going well until that Tuesday evening when my world came crashing down.
A woman standing near a window | Source: Pexels
“Mommy, can we go to the park?” Grace asked that afternoon, her big brown eyes pleading with me as she hugged her favorite stuffed rabbit. “Please? I want to show Mr. Hoppy the new swings!”
I smiled, setting aside the pile of laundry I’d been folding. “You know what? That sounds like a perfect idea.”
The park was just a few blocks from our apartment, and Grace chatted the whole way there about her day at daycare.
A black fence in a park | Source: Pexels
“And then Emma shared her cookies with me at snack time, and Miss Sarah said my drawing was the prettiest!”
“That’s wonderful, sweetie,” I laughed, swinging our joined hands between us. “Was it another unicorn drawing?”
“No, silly! It was our family,” she said. “You and me and Daddy and Mr. Hoppy!”
We spent nearly an hour at the park, Grace conquering the slide at least twenty times before I gave her several final pushes on the swings.
The late afternoon sun was starting to dip when I finally convinced her it was time to head home.
A girl blowing bubbles in a park | Source: Pexels
“But Mommy, just five more minutes?” she begged.
“Come on, munchkin. We need to start thinking about dinner.”
The first sign something was wrong came when we reached our floor. The door to our apartment was slightly ajar, which was unusual. Jordan was always careful about security.
“Jordan?” I called out as we stepped inside. “Hey, are you home early?”
Silence.
A woman standing in her house | Source: Midjourney
“Grace, honey, why don’t you go put Mr. Hoppy in your room?” I suggested, trying to keep my voice casual despite the growing unease in my stomach.
Something felt off.
As soon as Grace disappeared down the hall, I headed straight for our bedroom. But the sight that greeted me made my heart stop.
Jordan’s side of the closet was completely empty. His dresser drawers hung open, cleared out. His laptop was gone from his desk, along with the framed photo of us from our honeymoon that usually sat beside it.
A desk in a bedroom | Source: Midjourney
My hands were shaking as I noticed the piece of paper on his pillow. The message was brief, written in Jordan’s familiar scrawl.
I will return only if you fulfill ONE REQUEST.
I sank onto the edge of the bed, the note crumpling slightly in my trembling fingers. What was happening?
Jordan and I had argued about him working too much just last week, but we’d made up. Everything had been fine. Normal. Hadn’t it?
“Mommy?” Grace’s small voice came from the doorway. “Where’s all Daddy’s stuff?”
A little girl looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
I quickly stood up and forced a smile.
“Hey sweetie. Daddy… Daddy had to go away for a little while. But it’s okay. We’re okay.”
As I pulled her into a hug, I wondered if I was trying to convince her or myself. Either way, I had a sinking feeling that nothing was really okay at all.
My first instinct was to call Jordan’s cell. With Grace playing in her room, I paced our living room, listening to the rings until his voicemail picked up.
“Jordan, where are you? What’s going on? Please call me back immediately.”
A woman using her phone | Source: Pexels
I tried messaging him on every social platform we used, but nothing helped. After an hour of silence, I started calling his friends.
“Hey Mike, it’s Kathryn,” I said when his best friend answered. “Have you heard from Jordan today?”
“Kathryn? No, haven’t talked to him since last week’s game night. Everything okay?”
“I… I don’t know. He’s gone. Like, really gone. His clothes, his laptop… everything’s gone, and he left this weird note about coming back if I fulfill some request.”
A woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
There was a long pause. “What? That doesn’t sound like Jordan at all. Have you called Tom or Steve?”
I called everyone I could think of, but nobody had heard anything.
Finally, with my hands shaking, I dialed his parents’ number.
“Linda? It’s Kathryn,” I tried to keep my voice steady. “Is Jordan with you?”
“Jordan? No, honey. Is something wrong? You sound upset.”
An older woman talking on the phone | Source: Pexels
“He’s… he’s gone. I came home and all his things were gone. He left a note saying he’ll only come back if I fulfill some request, but I don’t know what he wants. I can’t reach him anywhere.”
“What do you mean, gone?” Linda’s voice rose with concern.
“Robert!” I heard her call to Jordan’s father. “Robert, come here. Something’s happened with Jordan.”
“We haven’t heard anything from him,” Robert’s gruff voice came on the line. “This isn’t like him at all. Have you called the police?”
“I… no, not yet. I kept hoping he’d call or come back or…”
A woman talking to her in-laws | Source: Midjourney
“Call them,” Robert interrupted firmly. “Right now. We’re coming over.”
I ended the call and dialed 911, my voice cracking as I explained the situation. Within thirty minutes, two officers were at our door – Officers Martinez and Chen according to their badges.
“Ma’am, can you tell us exactly what happened?” Officer Martinez asked, notebook in hand.
I recounted everything while Officer Chen examined the apartment.
A close-up shot of an officer’s uniform | Source: Pexels
Grace had fallen asleep on the couch, exhausted from the park and confused by all the commotion.
“And there were no signs of forced entry?” Officer Chen asked.
“No. He must have just… packed up and left while we were at the park.”
“Any recent arguments? Financial troubles? Signs of depression?”
I shook my head. “Nothing unusual. We had a small argument last week about his work hours, but we resolved it. Everything seemed fine.”
A woman talking to a police officer | Source: Midjourney
They took down all the information, but I could tell from their expressions that there wasn’t much they could do. Jordan was an adult who had left of his own accord.
“We’ll file a missing persons report,” Officer Martinez said gently, “but since there’s no sign of foul play…”
“I understand,” I whispered.
The next three days were a blur. I barely slept, jumping every time my phone buzzed. Jordan’s parents helped with Grace while I made more calls, checked our bank accounts, and tried to piece together any clues I might have missed.
Then came the doorbell on that third day.
A person ringing the doorbell | Source: Pexels
I rushed to answer it, hope surging in my chest, only to find a plain brown package on our welcome mat.
My heart pounded as I picked it up, already knowing somehow that it was from Jordan.
The package had a DNA test and a letter. I quickly took the letter out and read it.
A close-up shot of a handwritten letter | Source: Pexels
Dear Kathryn
I know this may come as a shock, but I need to know the truth. I’ve always suspected something.
Recently, I was looking through some old college photos of yours, and I saw your best friend from back then. As I looked at the picture, I couldn’t help but notice the striking resemblance between her and Grace. Same hair color, same eyes, same nose.
I started wondering if Grace was not really my daughter.
I’m sorry, but I need you to do a DNA test for Grace. I can’t continue without knowing.
If you send me the results and they confirm I’m her father, I’ll return. If not, I can’t come back.
Please, send the results to the address below.
I couldn’t believe it.
A woman holding a letter | Source: Midjourney
Eight years together, and this was what he thought of me? Of our daughter? All because Grace happened to look like my old college friend?
I sat at our kitchen table, staring at that letter until the words blurred.
“You want proof?” I whispered to the empty room. “Fine. You’ll get your proof.”
I went ahead and did the DNA test. Not because Jordan wanted it. Because I wanted to prove how wrong he was.
I quickly took a cheek swab while Grace was sleeping. She barely stirred when I did it. Then, I sealed the sample and sent it for testing.
A woman sitting in her room | Source: Midjourney
While we waited for the results, I threw myself into keeping life normal for Grace. But at night, after she was asleep, the anger would come rushing back.
“Mommy, when is Daddy coming home?” Grace asked one morning over breakfast.
I smoothed her hair, fighting back tears. “I’m not sure, sweetie. But you know what? You and me… we’re going to be just fine.”
“Like Emma and her mommy?” she asked, referring to her friend from daycare whose parents had divorced last year.
“Maybe,” I said softly. “We’ll figure it out together.”
A woman talking to her daughter | Source: Midjourney
When the DNA results finally arrived, I wasn’t even surprised. Of course, Jordan was Grace’s father. I’d never had a single doubt.
But as I held those results in my hands, I realized something important. Proving Jordan wrong wasn’t going to fix what he’d broken.
I sat down at my laptop and began typing.
A woman typing a letter | Source: Pexels
Dear Jordan,
Here are your precious DNA results. Congratulations! You’re officially Grace’s biological father. But you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. A real father wouldn’t abandon his daughter over a paranoid suspicion. A real husband wouldn’t disappear and leave his family in panic. A real man wouldn’t hide behind notes and packages instead of having an actual conversation.
You wanted the truth? Here’s the truth: We don’t need you. I don’t want someone who could throw away eight years of love and trust because our daughter happens to look like my old friend. Grace deserves better than a father who could doubt her very existence. I deserve better than a husband who could think so little of me.
Don’t bother coming back. We’re done.
-Kathryn
A woman looking straight ahead | Source: Midjourney
I sent both the results and my letter to the address he’d provided. Then I blocked his number, called a lawyer, and started the process of filing for divorce.
That evening, as Grace and I sat coloring at the kitchen table, she looked up at me with those innocent eyes and asked, “Are you sad, Mommy?”
I thought about it for a moment.
“No, sweetie,” I replied, realizing it was true. “I’m not sad. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is say goodbye to something that’s not good for us anymore.”
She nodded sagely, in that way only four-year-olds can, and went back to her coloring.
A child coloring a rainbow | Source: Pexels
It’s been a week now, and I haven’t heard anything from Jordan. Maybe he’s ashamed. Maybe he’s angry. Maybe he’s relieved.
Honestly, I don’t care anymore. His disappearing act showed me exactly who he was, and his ridiculous demand proved what he thought of me.
Some people might think I’m being too harsh, cutting him out completely. But tell me, what would you do if someone you loved disappeared without a word, put you through days of panic and worry, only to demand a DNA test based on a photo resemblance? Would you take them back? Or would you do what I did and choose your own peace of mind?
All I know is that Grace and I are going to be just fine.
A woman sitting on the floor | Source Midjourney
If you enjoyed reading this story, here’s another one you might like: When Jake dismissed my request to attend his company’s annual party, I couldn’t shake the suspicion he was hiding something. Eventually, he reluctantly agreed — but from the moment we arrived, the icy stares and whispered conversations set me on edge. What I uncovered shattered everything.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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