I was shocked when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of losing my temper, I decided to play along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his new idea of marriage.
I’ve always been the calm and reasonable one in our relationship. Jake, on the other hand, can easily get caught up in new trends or ideas, whether it’s a hobby or a YouTube video that claims to change his life in just a few easy steps.
Jake and I were fine until he met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loud made him right. He’d talk over anyone who tried to correct him. He was also always single (no surprise there), but that didn’t stop him from giving relationship advice to all his married friends, including Jake. Jake, who should’ve known better, was impressed by Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t worry about it much at first, but then Jake started saying things like, “Steve says marriages work best when the wife handles the household,” or “Steve thinks women should always look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.” I’d roll my eyes and make sarcastic comments, but it was bothering me. Jake was changing. He’d raise an eyebrow if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and he’d sigh if I let the laundry pile up—forgetting that I also had a full-time job.
Then one night, it happened. Jake came home with The List.
He sat me down, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across the table. “I’ve been thinking,” he began, sounding condescending in a way I’d never heard before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa, but there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, not realizing he was walking into dangerous territory. “Yeah, Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I looked at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule, titled “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” Jake had actually written out a plan for me based on what Steve—a single guy with no relationship experience—thought I should do to “improve” as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast, then go to the gym to “stay in shape.” After that? Cleaning, laundry, ironing—all before heading to work. Every evening, I was to cook dinner from scratch and make snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over. It was sexist and insulting on so many levels, I didn’t know where to start. I just stared at Jake, wondering if he had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, unaware.
“Steve says it’s important to have structure, and I think you could benefit from—”
“Benefit from what?” I interrupted, keeping my voice calm. Jake blinked, surprised, but quickly recovered.
“Well, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw the paper in his face, but instead, I surprised myself—I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m lucky you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
He looked relieved, and I almost felt sorry for him as I stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I looked at the ridiculous schedule and smiled. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” he was about to learn a lesson. I opened my laptop and started a new document titled, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” If he wanted perfection from me, there was a cost.
I started by listing all the things he’d suggested for me, beginning with the gym. “$1,200 for a personal trainer,” I typed, barely holding back a laugh.
Next was the food. If Jake wanted gourmet meals, that wasn’t happening with our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That wasn’t cheap. “$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. And if he wanted fancy meals, he’d need cooking lessons too—those were expensive.
I leaned back, laughing as I imagined his face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. The best part was yet to come.
There was no way I could manage all these demands and keep my job. If Jake wanted me to follow his absurd schedule full-time, he’d have to cover my lost income. I calculated my salary and added it to the list. “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time maid, chef, and personal assistant.”
By now, I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt.
And just for fun, I added a note about expanding the house. If Jake was going to have friends over all the time, they’d need a separate space. “$50,000 to build a man cave so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s new routine.”
I printed out the list, set it on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he arrived, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called, spotting the paper. “What’s this?”
Keeping a straight face, I said, “Oh, just a little list to help you become the best husband ever.”
He chuckled, thinking I was playing along, but as he read the list, his smile faded. “$1,200 for a trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I crossed my arms. “Well, you want me to follow your plan, right? I figured we should budget for it.”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?”
“How else can I follow your plan?” I asked. “I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
Jake looked stunned. The numbers and the absurdity of his demands hit him all at once. His smugness disappeared, replaced by the realization that he had messed up.
“I didn’t mean for it to be like this,” he stammered. “I just thought—”
“You thought you could ‘fix’ me like a project?” I said, my voice calm but firm. “Jake, marriage is about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, it’ll cost you a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
There was a long silence. Jake sighed and looked at me, defeated.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound reasonable, but now I see… it’s toxic. I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded. “Yes, you have. And honestly, Steve has no idea what he’s talking about. Why would you listen to him?”
Jake’s face softened as the truth hit him. “You’re right. He has no clue.”
We tore up both lists, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team. It was a reminder that marriage isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being better together.
Never ever kill a house centipede again if you find inside your home
When you encounter insects around your house, how does it make you feel? It’s understandable that your first instinct would be to snatch anything and run over them. Some of them carry dangerous poisons and can sting you brutally and fatally.
The creepiest ones make you feel the worst; you usually want to strangle those small, frightening animals with so many legs as soon as possible.
However, after reading this, you may be reluctant to kill those menacing-looking centipedes the next time you see them in your toilet.
It might be quite hard to resist the impulse to smash centipedes when you notice them crawling around the house. You can be shocked by centipedes. However, after learning how useful they have been around the house, you might wish to just express your gratitude by not killing them in the future.
It turns out that those squirmy, fast-moving organisms have been keeping other tiny insects out of your house. There’s a special kind of centipede around the house that has about 20 legs wrapped around its body and is slightly shorter than its other wormy brethren.
These tiny animals have acted as an undetectable pest deterrent for your house, keeping out ants, bedbugs, silverfish, spiders, and cockroaches. Their appetite is so great that they practically eat any arthropod they find about the house.
Centipedes are good guys, but that doesn’t mean you should open your doors and let them in in large numbers. Instead, it means you should be grateful to the one or two you find about the house and give them a free pass the next time they come.
They may make some noise when they are found, particularly if small children or even adults think they are disgusting and dirty. Let them go on their own or send them outside to munch some leaves instead of just squashing them.
Don’t squish every bug you come across inside your house to avoid the possibility of introducing hundreds of small baby spiders into your house. You really don’t want to see it.
Furthermore, centipedes aren’t all that terrible. They are only weak, small creatures that, aside from terrifying your heart, are hardly strong enough to cause serious harm.
Considering that they don’t actually spread germs throughout the house like other insects do will help convince you that they are genuinely good people.
Since centipedes are basically non-lethal, you shouldn’t be afraid of them either. However, we are unable to say the same regarding a few others. These insects cause a number of terrible diseases that are quite dangerous and could be fatal if properly treated.
Definitely keep an eye out for those. These are a few of the poisonous insects you should avoid coming into contact with indoors.
After being bitten, bullet ants give you the sensation that you have been fired, as their name implies. Therefore, you should try to avoid getting bitten. One of the largest ant species, they are commonly found in the rainforests of Nicaragua and Paraguay.
The problem is not the botfly itself, but rather its larvae, which are an inside parasite of many animals, including humans. The female deposits her eggs beneath the skin, and the developing larvae dig further into the skin, causing an infection that alters the tissue of the skin significantly.
According to some parents, they can feel the larvae scuttling inside their skin.
Fleas: Because they feed on blood, flea bites can cause itching, irritation, and sometimes even skin infection.
An invader may sustain agonizing white pustules on their skin for weeks after being repeatedly stung by the notorious fire ant. There are about 295 different species of ants. Some of them discharge toxic venom that might cause allergic reactions in certain persons.
Up to 12,000 people may die each year from the trypanosome cruzi parasite, which is spread by the kissing bug biting its victims’ lips.
The largest hornets are giant Japanese hornets, which may reach a length of 2 inches and have a deadly sting that kills about 40 people per year.
Tsetse Flies: An estimated 500,000 people die from sleeping sickness on the African continent as a result of being bitten by tsetse flies.
Killer Bees: Due to their immense numbers, killer bees usually launch aggressive, overwhelming attacks that are frequently fatal.
Driver ants: These ants use their powerful mandibles to strike with tremendous force. They may kill several animals in a single raid. In addition to attacking other insects, they have a horrible habit of biting humans.
Mosquitoes: Known as the deadliest insects and maybe the deadliest organisms on the planet, mosquitoes are believed to be responsible for up to one million deaths each year from diseases like yellow fever, encephalitis, West Nile virus, and malaria.
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