A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
My Daughter, 5, Brought Me a Picture from Her Dad’s Suitcase, but When I Saw It, I Fainted
My Daughter, 5, Brought Me a Picture from Her Dad’s Suitcase, but When I Saw It, I Fainted
When Emma found a mysterious ultrasound in her dad’s bag, it unveiled a secret that would shatter her mother’s world, leading to a dinner revelation that changed the fabric of their family life forever.
As the front door creaked open, the familiar silhouette of my husband, Jack, filled the entryway. He looked worn from his travels, his shoulders sagging under the weight of exhaustion, yet there was a faint relief in his eyes as he stepped into the familiarity of our home.
Jack returning home | Source: Midjourney
The chaos of his return was evident in the disarray of suitcases, briefcases, and various items spilled by the doorway, a jumbled testament to his recent business trip. His coat dangled precariously from one suitcase, while a tangle of charging cables peeked out from another, each object telling a silent story of his hurried transitions between airports and meetings.
Jack and Emma together by the suitcases | Source: Midjourney
In the midst of this scattered landscape, our daughter Emma’s bright eyes sparkled with the uncontainable excitement that only a child’s innocence can hold. At four years old, her world was one of wonder and discovery.
Emma playing with the suitcase | Source: Midjourney
The return of her father was an event marked by the joyous anticipation of stories and perhaps a hidden treasure from his travels. Her small, delicate hands often explored the world around her, seeking out new mysteries to unravel, her curiosity as boundless as the sky.
Jack unpacks his suitcase with Emma by his side | Source: Midjourney
Emma’s playful laughter echoed through the house as she darted between the suitcases, her tiny feet barely making a sound on the soft carpet. Her blonde curls bounced with each step, a lively contrast to the stillness of Jack’s weary demeanor. She was the heartbeat of our home, filling each corner with light and life, her presence a constant reminder of the love that had once been the foundation of our family.
Emma playing | Source: Midjourney
As I watched her, a mix of affection and apprehension stirred within me. Emma’s innocence shielded her from the complexities of adult emotions and the unspoken tensions that had crept into our marriage. Yet, in her unguarded joy and exploration, she was about to stumble upon a secret that would unravel the carefully maintained facade of our family life.
Mary watching her daughter warily | Source: Midjourney
The stage was set in the most ordinary of scenes: a tired husband returning home, the chaotic remnants of his journey littering our entrance, and our daughter, the embodiment of childlike wonder, innocently navigating through the clutter.
Little did we know that this ordinary day was about to take an extraordinary turn, revealing truths hidden just beneath the surface of our daily lives, truths that would challenge the very foundation of what we had built together.
Mary unknowing of the storm that was coming | Source: Midjourney
Then, amidst the jumble of business paraphernalia and souvenirs, Emma’s hand closed around something unexpected. Her eyes widened, a gleam of triumph and curiosity dancing within them as she pulled out a slender piece of paper.
“Mommy, you’ll never guess what I found!” she exclaimed, her voice a mixture of wonder and mischief, as she approached me with a secretive delight, holding her find behind her back.
Emma approaching Mary | Source: Midjourney
As she stood before me, her small hands revealed the object of her discovery—an ultrasound image. The black and white picture was stark against her tiny, pale fingers. It depicted a tiny, unborn child, its features barely discernible yet unmistakably human. Below the image, a caption read, “Hi Daddy, I’m coming soon. T ,” a message that felt like a cold blade slicing through the warm fabric of our family life.
Ultrasound photo | Source: Pexels
My heart plummeted into an abyss of shock and disbelief. The room seemed to tilt and sway as I took in the image, every line and curve of the ultrasound burning itself into my memory. The date stamped on it was just last week, a time when Jack was supposedly engulfed in meetings and corporate dealings. The reality of what I was seeing clashed violently with the world I thought I knew.
Shocked Mary | Source: Midjourney
A torrent of emotions crashed over me like a relentless wave. Betrayal, confusion, and a piercing sadness intertwined, forming a choking knot in my throat. My mind raced, trying to piece together the fragmented truths and half-lies that had colored our recent conversations about his trip. The implications of this ultrasound image were clear, yet my heart rebelled against accepting them.
Mary holds Emma trying to process the photo | Source: Midjourney
Emma, oblivious to the storm of emotions her discovery had unleashed, looked up at me with eyes full of innocence and expectation, waiting for my reaction. Her face, usually a source of joy and comfort, now mirrored the image of an unfamiliar reality that I was not prepared to face. In that moment, our lives, entwined in love and daily routines, seemed to fracture, revealing a hidden layer of deception that threatened to engulf everything we held dear.
Emma looking up at her upset mom | Source: Midjourney
In the solitude of our bedroom, I sat with the ultrasound image clutched in trembling hands, a tempest of hurt and anger swirling within me. My mind was a battlefield, torn between an immediate confrontation with Jack and the gnawing need to craft a plan that would unveil the true extent of his deceit. The urgency to scream and shatter the facade of normalcy was overwhelming, yet a part of me craved a more calculated approach, a way to gauge the depth of his betrayal.
Mary deep in thought | Source: Midjourney
The image of Emma’s innocent face, juxtaposed against the stark reality of the ultrasound, fueled my resolve. I needed to know if there was any remorse in Jack, any sliver of the man I once loved, or if that, too, had been a mirage. With a heavy heart, I decided on a plan that would expose the truth of his loyalty and truthfulness.
Mary formulating her plan | Source: Midjourney
I returned the original ultrasound to where Emma had found it, ensuring it lay amidst Jack’s belongings, a silent sentinel waiting for its moment. Then, with a resolve that felt both empowering and devastating, I crafted a counterfeit scene, one that would mirror the revelation Emma stumbled upon, but with a twist. I printed a fake ultrasound image, mimicking the one Emma found, but with my initial, crafting a narrative that would force Jack into the open.
Mary thinking about her daughter | Source: Midjourney
The evening was set, the table adorned with candles and the aroma of a carefully prepared meal wafting through the air, creating an ambiance of deceptive normalcy. As Jack walked in, his face lit up with a smile, anticipating a romantic reunion, oblivious to the storm brewing beneath the surface.
Mary setting the table | Source: Midjourney
The tension in my chest mounted as dinner progressed, each course a step closer to the impending climax. Finally, with a feigned tenderness, I presented the fake ultrasound, mirroring the words, “Dear, soon there will be four of us.” The air thickened as the words hung between us, a baited trap awaiting its prey.
Mary preparing to reveal the news | Source: Midjourney
Jack’s initial expression of joy and surprise morphed into one of utter confusion and then horror as the reality of the situation dawned on him. His face crumbled, tears welling up in his eyes as he stammered, “Dear, you know everything, it was a mistake. I don’t love her. I’ll stay with you and we’ll raise our newborn together.”
Stunned Jack | Source: Midjourney
His words, steeped in desperation and guilt, were meant to be an appeal for mercy, but they only served to cement the painful truth of his infidelity and the fragility of our shared past.
As Jack’s confession spilled out, a bitter symphony of words that sought absolution, my world was irrevocably altered. His tears, once a symbol of our shared joys and sorrows, now flowed from a well of deceit.
Jack with tears in his eyes | Source: Midjourney
My heart, once a haven of love and trust, was now a fortress of betrayal and anger. His pleas for forgiveness, his claims of a solitary mistake, echoed hollowly in the chasm between us.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen, it was just a moment of weakness,” Jack implored, his voice breaking under the weight of his own words.
Jack trying to convince Mary | Source: Midjourney
“A moment of weakness?” I countered, my voice steady despite the storm raging inside. “Is that what you call it? A moment that shatters years of trust, that disregards the very foundation of our family?”
He reached out, seeking the comfort of a touch that had once soothed and united us, but I recoiled, the distance between us now more than just physical. “I thought we were past the hurdles, Jack. That we were strong enough to face anything together. But this?” I gestured to the fake ultrasound still clutched in his trembling hands, “This is a hurdle too high, a breach too deep.”
Mary angry with Jack | Source: Midjourney
His attempts to justify his actions, to paint them as fleeting lapses, only served to deepen my resolve. The man before me, wreathed in remorse and desperation, was a stranger, his once-familiar features marred by the shadows of lies and irresponsibility.
As the reality of his betrayal fully settled in, the finality of my decision took root. “I can’t forgive this, Jack,” I stated, the clarity of my conviction piercing the fog of emotional turmoil. “Our marriage, our family, was built on trust and respect, and you’ve shattered both.”
Mary breaking up with Jack | Source: Midjourney
The room was heavy with the unspoken, with the remnants of a life we would no longer share. I stood, gathering the fragments of my dignity and resolve, preparing to navigate the ruins of our shared past and the uncertainty of my future with Emma.
In the silence that followed, I packed the essentials, each item a piece of the life I was leaving behind, a life marred by betrayal but not defined by it. Emma, still untouched by the harsh realities of adult complexities, remained my beacon of hope, her innocence a reminder of the pure love that still resided within me.
Mary leaving the house with Emma | Source: Midjourney
As I closed the door behind me, the finality of the act was a solemn testament to the end of our marital bond. Ahead lay a path of healing and rediscovery, for both myself and Emma, a journey towards a future built on the solid ground of integrity and responsibility.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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