Over a decade ago, I lost my job and family because I didn’t take myself seriously. After slowly piecing my life together, I finally have a chance at redemption with my estranged daughter.
I used to be an ambitious young man with the world at my feet. I always saw myself running my own business, and for a while, I believed that I was on the right path. Looking back, I think this passion made my ex-wife, Rebecca, first fall in love with me. She even supported me during the humble beginnings of my old repair shop.
Rebecca and I had our daughter, Harriet, during this time. Unfortunately, my repair shop went bankrupt. I began to feel depressed and lost motivation. I worked as a waiter to make ends meet, but I couldn’t provide a stable lifestyle for my family.
“When are you going to get a real job?” Rebecca asked me. I had no answer. Even though I had a great relationship with Harriet during her childhood, my marriage slowly fell apart.
Rebecca and I fought all the time, and we grew further apart. One day, I was called into the restaurant and told they could no longer keep me on the staff. “We’re going to have to let you go, Jimmy,” my manager told me.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
At the time, I was at such a low point in my life that I didn’t even care. Perhaps I thought Rebecca could care for me while I looked for a new job. That day I went home and took a walk with my family. Harriet was riding in her little car with foot pedals. Rebecca had a solemn demeanor, and I sensed something was wrong.
“I’m leaving you, Jimmy. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s obvious that you’ve given up on everything,” She told me. In one day, my entire world had come crashing down. I tried to convince Rebecca to give me one more chance, but her mind had already been made up. I gave my daughter a big hug.
“Mom always told me you were a loser and I should forget about you, but I can see that you’ve changed.”
“Daddy will always love you no matter, okay Harriet?” I told her. I could tell that she didn’t understand what was going on. By the following day, Rebecca and Harriet were out of the house, and I was all alone. Rebecca took full custody of our daughter as I was unemployed.
It was only then that I realized how much of a loser I was. I couldn’t even take care of Harriet as I had no savings or job lined up. In what felt like a few months, Rebecca had already moved in with a new partner, Eric. “Until you get your life in order, don’t even think about talking to Harriet,” Rebecca told me.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
I used the last of my money to buy Harriet a gift for her birthday party, a small bunny rabbit. I also wrote a note which read, “I miss you so much. Happy Birthday. Love Daddy.”
When I reached Eric’s house, I saw he was pretty rich. He had thrown a big birthday party for Harriet, with mascots and a jumping castle. I felt ashamed. My daughter had a new dad. Eric could provide Harriet with things I couldn’t even dream of buying.
I left my gift at their front gate and left. At this point, I was in a very dark place and couldn’t see a way forward. I decided to leave the coast and move cities. All I had to my name was the house my father, Frank, left me.
Since I was flat broke, I sold the house and moved into an apartment in a town in a different state.
I worked odd jobs at times to make a bit of money. Two years after I left my family behind, I was broke again. The following month, I was evicted. I found myself out on the street with nowhere to turn.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
I can’t keep living like this, I realized. I walked into the local store and begged for a job. The manager recognized me from around town and gave me a chance as a cleaner in the store. In the next few months, I was promoted to cashier, and within a year, I was made administrator of the whole store.
Even though I was finally financially stable and had cleaned up my act, I was still very lonely. Years flew by, and I still wasn’t in contact with any of my family, and I had no real friends. I regularly gave some of my money to charity because I had no one to spend it on.
That all changed today, as for the first time in ages, I received mail that wasn’t an outstanding bill. It was a Christmas letter from Harriet!
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
It has been 13 years since I’ve seen I have seen or heard from my daughter but I’ve been blessed with a Christmas miracle. Her words warmed my heart in a way that I haven’t felt in years. Her letter read:
“Hi, Dad. I’ve finally found you! This may come as a shock, but I’ll be flying in to see you tomorrow. We have so much to talk about. Even though mom and Eric provided me with everything growing up, I always wondered when you would come back.
Mom always told me you were a loser and I should forget about you, but I can see that you’ve changed and got yourself together. Just so you know, I still have the stuffed bunny you left me for my birthday. I named him Jimmy, so in a way, you’ve been with me all along!
See you soon. I love you, and I can’t wait.
Merry Christmas, Dad!”
This is the most incredible day of my life. I’ve missed my daughter so much, and I never thought I’d get this opportunity. I changed my life for the better and did what I could to help my community.
For illustrative purposes only. | Source: Unsplash
Although I felt too ashamed to return home, God has blessed me with a second chance with Harriet. This time, I’ll do everything I can to make her proud and make up for all the time we missed together. After 13 long years, I finally have my shot at redemption.
Have you ever had a moment when you needed to start life with a clean slate? How did you survive it?
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If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who abandons his family and is recognized 20 years later begging in the streets by his estranged daughter.
This piece is inspired by stories from the everyday lives of our readers and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
How to Own Your Dream Home
For most people, their first home isn’t their dream home. It starts off nice enough. But as time goes by and your family grows, starter homes tend to get a little . . . cramped.
But don’t hate on your current home too much. Because while it gave you a safe and dry place to lay your head at night, it was also setting you up to own your dream home someday.
We’ll show you how it all works and walk you through the steps that’ll get you in your dream home—one you can actually afford!
How to Get Your Dream Home in 5 Steps
Here are the steps:
- Follow the Financial Basics
- Find Out How Much Equity You Have
- Set Your New Home-Buying Budget
- Find the Right Dream Home for You
- Be Picky and Patient
Now let’s cover each step in more detail.
Step 1: Follow the Financial Basics
First thing’s first—you have to get out of debt, get on a budget, and build up an emergency fund of 3–6 months of expenses. Sounds pretty basic, right? If you haven’t completed these steps, then you’re not ready to upgrade to your dream home . . . yet.
Now, when you’ve got house fever, it can be hard to focus on paying off debt or saving an emergency fund before you upgrade your home—especially when you’re feeling the pressure of rising home prices and interest rates.
But whether it’s your second or third house, you should only buy a home when you’ve covered the financial basics we mentioned above. Then you’ll be ready to start the journey toward owning your dream house.
And that journey starts with your home equity. What’s equity? Well, we’re glad you asked . . . that brings us to the next step.
Step 2: Find Out How Much Equity You Have
Home equity is a pretty simple concept: It’s your current home’s value minus whatever you still owe on your mortgage.
See, in most cases, your home’s value increases over time. Similar to other long-term investments (like retirement accounts), homes gradually increase in value. There have been periods of ups and downs in the market to be sure, but the value of real estate has consistently gone up. According to the St. Louis Federal Reserve, the average sale price of a home has increased over 2,300% from 1965 to 2023! And in the last ten years (2013 to 2023), there’s been a 68% increase.1 As your home increases in value, so does your equity. In real estate terms, this is called appreciation.
Other factors that increase your home’s equity include:
- Added value: Home improvement projects like adding square footage, updating fixtures and appliances, or even just slapping on a new coat of paint can add value to your home.
- Mortgage paydown: Paying down your mortgage not only gets you out of debt faster, it also builds your equity. The less you owe on your home, the more equity you have.
The amount of equity you have gives you a pretty good idea of how much money you’ll end up with after selling your house. You can use that money to make a hefty down payment and cover the other costs that come with buying a home.
Find expert agents to help you buy your home.
So, how do you determine your home’s value? Well, you can get a ballpark estimate on real estate websites like Zillow, ask a trusted real estate agent to perform a competitive market analysis (which they’ll do anyway if they’re helping you sell your house), or get a professional appraisal.
Finding out your home’s equity will involve a little math, but it’s third-grade-level stuff, so don’t sweat it.
Here’s what we mean. Let’s say your home’s current value is $355,000. When you sell that house, you’ll have to pay for between 1–3% of the sale price in closing costs, another 6% in fees for the real estate agent who helped you sell it, and whatever’s left to pay off on your mortgage.
That means you can estimate clearing over $223,000 from selling your house. That’s a killer down payment on your dream home! And if your home is paid off, that’s even more money to put down and use to pay for things like repairs and moving expenses.
Step 3: Set Your Dream Home Budget
Once you know how much you’ll clear from the sale of your home, you can start making a budget for your dream home.
The key to owning your dream home (instead of it owning you) is to keep your mortgage payment to no more than 25% of your take-home pay on a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage, along with paying a down payment of at least 20% to avoid private mortgage insurance (PMI). Never get a 30-year mortgage even if the bank offers it (and they will). You’d pay a fortune in interest—money that should go toward building your wealth, not the bank’s.
So, let’s say your take-home pay is $4,800 a month. That means your monthly mortgage payment shouldn’t be any bigger than $1,200. By the way, that 25% figure should also include other home fees collected every month with the mortgage payment like homeowners association (HOA) fees, insurance premiums and property taxes.
Plug your numbers into our mortgage calculator to see how much house you can afford.
And don’t forget to budget for all those other costs that come with the home-buying process in addition to your closing fees—things like moving expenses and any upgrades or repairs you might need to make. You don’t want these hidden costs to catch you off guard or drain your emergency fund.
Step 4: Find the Right Dream Home for You
This is where things get real. After all your hard work building up your equity (and doing a lot of math—don’t forget that), you’re finally ready to start the house hunt. Woo-hoo!
But don’t lose focus. Stay zoned in by making a list of features that make a home fit your budget, lifestyle and dreams—and stick to it throughout your house hunt. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
- Don’t compromise on location and layout. If you plan to be in this home for the long haul, an out-of-the-way neighborhood or a wacky floor plan is a deal breaker. Look for a community and layout that’ll suit your lifestyle now and for years to come.
- Think about how much space your family needs. While your budget has the final say about how much home you buy, you’ll want your dream home to fit your family’s needs through different life seasons.
- Consider the school districts. If you have or want kids, the quality of the nearby school districts is probably already on your mind. But even if you don’t have kids or you’re retired, keep in mind that having good schools nearby could increase your home’s value.
- Look for a house that’ll grow in value. Are home values rising in the area? Is the number of businesses going up? These factors can help you figure out whether your dream home will turn into a good investment.
- Count the costs. Want that fancy master bathroom with the multiple showerheads and the Jacuzzi tub? Be clear on what’s a must-have and what’s nice to have. And don’t forget, upgraded features like that will make your dream home more expensive.
Step 5: Be Picky and Patient
We know you’re anxious to get into those new digs, but be patient. Wait for the right house at the right time. Don’t spend your money on a less-than-ideal home just because you’re tired of looking.
The key is finding a good real estate agent who understands your budget and refuses to settle for “good enough.” They’re as committed to your dream as you are and will have your back throughout the entire process, no matter what it takes.
In addition to teaming up with a great real estate agent, you can take a couple of extra steps to make sure you’re ready to strike as soon as the right home comes up:
- Get preapproved for a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage. Having preapproved financing is a green flag for sellers—especially in multiple offer situations. And because this puts most of your information in the lender’s system, you’ll be on the fast track to closing once your offer is accepted.
- Offer earnest money with your bid. Earnest money is a deposit to show you’re truly interested in a home. Usually it’s 1–2% of the home’s purchase price and it’s applied to your down payment or closing costs. Even if the deal falls through, you can almost always get most of it back.
Find a Real Estate Expert in Your Local Market
Now, you might be thinking you have some work to do before you’re ready to find your dream home. Or you may be realizing your years of hard work are about to pay off! Regardless, if you follow these steps, you’ll find the house you’ve always wanted and avoid a purchase you’ll regret.
Once you’re ready, connect with one of our RamseyTrusted real estate agents. These are high-performing agents who do business the Ramsey way and share your values so you can rest easy knowing the search for your dream home is in the right hands.
Find the only real estate agents in your area we trust, and start the hunt for your dream home!
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