Navigating changes in a relationship, particularly those related to physical appearance, can be a delicate and emotional journey. A Bright Side reader is having a hard time after his wife underwent plastic surgery. He shared a letter with us seeking our advice.
He shared his side of the story.
Here are some tips that we believe can help you.
- Reflect on Your Feelings: Take some time to reflect on your feelings and understand why the changes in your wife’s appearance are affecting you. Are your concerns purely aesthetic, or do they come from deeper emotional reasons? Understanding your own feelings will help you communicate more effectively with your wife.
- Communicate Honestly and Compassionately: Approach the topic with empathy and compassion. Let your wife know that you love her deeply and that your concerns come from a place of care. Use «I» statements to express your feelings without placing blame.
- Focus on Emotions, Not Criticism: Avoid criticizing your wife’s appearance directly. Instead, focus on expressing how the changes make you feel. For example, you might say, «I miss the unique features that made you who you are,» rather than, «You don’t look like yourself anymore.»
- Reassure Her of Your Love: Make sure your wife knows that your love for her goes beyond physical appearance. Reassure her that you’re committed to supporting her through any challenges she faces, including those related to self-image.
- Encourage Open Dialogue: Encourage open and honest communication between the two of you. Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable expressing your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
- Seek Professional Help If Needed: If you find it difficult to navigate these conversations on your own, consider seeking the help of a therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work through your feelings together.
- Focus on Shared Activities: Spend quality time together engaging in activities that you both enjoy. Focus on building emotional intimacy and strengthening your bond as a couple.
- Support Her Self-Esteem: Encourage your wife to focus on aspects of herself that she feels confident about, aside from her appearance. Remind her of her strengths and accomplishments.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that adjusting to changes in appearance can be a complex process, and it may take time for both of you to adapt. Be patient with each other and offer support along the way.
- Explore Ways to Reconnect: Find ways to reconnect as a couple and reignite the spark in your relationship. Whether it’s through shared hobbies, romantic gestures, or simply spending quality time together, prioritize nurturing your connection.
By approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and open communication, you can navigate this challenging time with grace and compassion.
Mom Slammed, Told Her Wrinkled Baby ‘Should Be Kept Hidden’ — He’s Turned into a Handsome Man Years Later
In many ways, Tomm Tennent was an incredibly unique person. From the moment he arrived in the world, everyone around him knew he was different from other babies. When he was born, he had excess skin, sufficient enough to cover a five-year-old kid.
Even the doctors were baffled when they saw his wrinkled appearance, as they had never seen anything like it in their medical career. Tomm’s parents, Debbie and Geoff Tennent were also flabbergasted when they saw their baby and didn’t know how to react.
Debbie and Geoff Tennent | Source: YouTube.com/60 Minutes Australia
From his incredible birth experience to his life after that, Tomm and his parents experienced a journey unlike any other. It all started when Debbie and Geoff welcomed their son in a South East Australia hospital in 1993.
Eventually, after years of trying and looking for a clue, they stumbled upon something astonishing.
At the time, they didn’t know how special their baby boy would be. Before Tomm’s birth, his parents couldn’t have guessed that their child would go on to mystify medical professionals. But when they went in for the ultrasounds, they discovered nothing was as expected.
Initially, the Tennents struggled to determine whether or not they would keep the baby. But after discussing the matter, it didn’t take them long to decide that regardless of the consequences, they would go through with the pregnancy.
Tomm Tennent pictured as a baby | YouTube.com/60 Minutes Australia
But while Debbie and Geoff were prepared for everything, they were oblivious to how serious their child’s condition could be. They were taken aback and rendered speechless when they laid eyes on their infant son for the first time.
“When [Tomm] came out, I was quite shocked…I didn’t think a human, or a little baby, could ever look like that,” recalled Geoff about the moment he first saw his son. Of the instance when her baby was placed on her chest, Debbie recounted:
“My heart came up to my throat.”
But at the same time, Debbie was overcome with motherly sentiments and said it felt lovely to cuddle her son. Despite their shocked initial reaction, the Tennents embraced their son, who had too much skin covering almost every inch of his body.
A close up of Tomm Tennent’s wrinkled legs and feet | Source: YouTube.com/60 Minutes Australia
Medical Mystery & the Challenges of Growing Up
Tomm’s never-before-seen skin condition and wrinkled look baffled his parents and doctors. Since they could not decipher the reason behind his excess skin, they didn’t know how to treat it.
After much contemplation, medical experts hoped that, over time, the boy would grow into his skin. But given the youngster’s unique appearance, researchers felt triggered to explore his case further and solve the rather complex genetic puzzle.
Debbie Tennent holds her son, Tomm Tennent, while petting a Shar Pei | Source: YouTube.com/60 Minutes Australia
Tomm was no stranger to hospital visits and stayed in a medical center for two and a half months. There, he had to undergo multiple tests and scans, which were reportedly insufficient in helping the researchers crack the code of his mysterious condition.
Andrew Ramsden, Tomm’s pediatrician, admitted that his case was incredibly challenging because he was the first baby born on record with excess skin, and the doctors had nowhere to turn to for guidance.
Accompanying their little boy on his many doctor’s visits and staying with him in the hospital for months wasn’t easy for the Tennents. But they found their strength and courage from looking at their sweet son, who was a happy tot and didn’t know the magnitude of his condition.
Tomm Tennent is pictured enjoying a bath | Source: YouTube.com/60 Minutes Australia
As time passed, Tomm’s doctors continued researching his condition, hoping to find something helpful. Eventually, after years of trying and looking for a clue, they stumbled upon something astonishing.
Medical professionals drew similarities between Tom’s appearance and the Shar Pei, a Chinese dog breed. They learned that the youngster’s excess skin was due to an oversupply of Hyaluronic Acid, which was 100 times higher than usual.
The same was true for Shar Pei puppies. Provided that the acid levels decreased in Shar Peis as they grew older and their appearance improved, the medical experts hoped for the same for Tomm.
Tomm Tennent pictured combing his hair while looking in the mirror. | Source: YouTube.com/60 Minutes Australia
Fortunately, as the doctors had anticipated, time was the best healer in Tomm’s case. Growing up, the Australian child received immense love and support from his parents. But he also experienced a multitude of challenges.
“Don’t judge people by what they looked like,” noted a young Tomm. Although he had always believed nothing was wrong with him, not everyone reciprocated his sentiments.
People continued to tease him, and he struggled to make friends at school. He felt hurt when kids refused to play with him or include him in their groups.
But instead of retreating and being demotivated by other people’s behavior toward him, Tomm began participating in games and made many friends. Soon, his school experience remarkably improved, and people started seeing him differently.
A young Tomm Tennent | Source: YouTube.com/60 Minutes Australia
While the Tennents were pleased to see their son move forward in life, some memories were etched in their minds. Debbie recollected an incident in a local bakery with Tomm when a woman approached her, questioning her decision to take her son out in public.
But that wasn’t all. The lady reportedly told Debbie that her son “should be kept hidden.” Devastated by the woman’s comments, the Australian mother didn’t know what to say to her then but vowed to care for her son and raise him in the best possible manner.
And as time would tell, Geoff and Debbie felt pure joy and pride seeing their son grow up. They were proud of him for being a good boy and excelling in every aspect of life, including school.
In an exclusive interview in 2003, the then-11-year-old Tomm said he saw a “kind, loving person” whenever he looked in the mirror. He confessed he wasn’t concerned about how his peers viewed him because they didn’t care about his appearance.
From the beginning, Debbie and Geoff taught their son to accept and love himself just as he was. The couple believed that real beauty came from within, and they instilled the same values in their beloved boy.
Their efforts paid off because when Tomm was asked if he would change anything about himself, he responded, “Probably nothing.” With his parents’ affection and his inner strength, Tomm became an exceptionally kind and lovable person.
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