According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My Stepmother Ruined My Graduation Because She Didn’t Want My Mom to Be in the Picture with Her Husband
Graduation day should be Michelle’s happiest moment, but the celebrations take a nasty turn after she asks for a photo with her biological parents. Michelle’s stepmother flies into a jealous rage and destroys a treasured possession. Should Michelle forgive her?
Every high school student dreams of graduation day, right? I was no different. After years of sleepless nights, endless exams, and countless cups of coffee, I was pumped to finally take my first steps into adulthood.
I never expected one stupid photo would ruin everything.
Thoughtful teen girl | Source: Pexels
Mom was the first to arrive at the ceremony, carrying a huge bunch of pink peonies, my favorite flowers.
“OMG, Mom! You shouldn’t have,” I said, already dipping my head to inhale the sweet scent from the bouquet.
“Nonsense. You’ve worked hard to get here and deserve to be spoiled, Michelle,” she replied.
I pulled my mom into a huge hug. That’s when I noticed my dad and stepmom approaching. Immediately, my stomach started churning.
A woman holding a peony bouquet | Source: Pexels
Mom and Dad divorced when I was pretty young, and he married Claire, like, a year later. And I was okay with it. Both my parents made sure I felt loved, and I like Claire… most of the time, anyway.
The only problem is Claire and Mom don’t get along at all. Claire is always trying to one-up Mom, or she gets clingy with Dad. It’s seriously awkward.
But this was MY big day, and they’re all adults… there was no way they’d ruin this for me, right?
Close up of teen girl | Source: Pexels
“Hey, champ!” Dad called out as he and Claire approached. “Ready to graduate?”
“Absolutely, Dad,” I replied, trying to keep things light and positive as I went to give him a hug.
“Congratulations, Michelle. We’re so proud of you,” Claire said, her smile tight.
“Thanks, Claire,” I responded, “It means so much to have all of you here to celebrate with me.”
“That’s what family is for,” Mom chimed in.
At the time, I didn’t think much of the dark look that passed over Claire’s face as she glanced at Mom.
Angry woman | Source: Pexels
The graduation ceremony was a blur of excitement and emotion. Walking across that stage felt surreal, a dream realized. When it was all over, we gathered outside for photos.
That’s when everything exploded.
“Dad, Mom, can we take a picture together? Just the three of us?” I asked.
Claire’s eyes narrowed instantly.
“Why do you want a picture with him and his ex-wife? It’s disrespectful to our marriage,” she snapped, her voice sharp and biting.
Angry woman with crossed arms | Source: Pexels
My heart sank. I looked at Claire’s furious expression as my thoughts whirred. Why was this something I needed to explain?
Mom, ever the peacemaker, stepped in. “Michelle just wants a picture with her biological parents. It’s her special day. Let’s try to make it about her happiness.”
Claire’s face twisted with anger. “No, this is ridiculous! I won’t stand for it. My husband shouldn’t be in a picture with his ex-wife.”
I felt the tears welling up.
Angry woman shouting | Source: Pexels
“Claire, please,” I said, my voice cracking. “It’s just one photo. For me.”
Instead of relenting, Claire’s face hardened even more. Then she did something truly psycho.
Without warning, Claire grabbed my graduation cap from my head. Before I could react, she ripped the tassel off and crushed the cap in her hands, tearing it apart. The loud, ripping sound echoed, drawing gasps from the crowd around us.
I stood there, stunned and heartbroken, as I watched her destroy one of the most precious symbols of my achievement.
Teen girl crying | Source: Pexels
All my classmates had signed my cap. It was a memento of our shared journey. Now, it was nothing but a pile of torn fabric and shattered dreams.
“Claire, what the hell are you doing?” Dad shouted, turning red in the face. “That was completely out of line! This isn’t about you. This is about Michelle. She’s worked hard for this day, and we’re here to support her.”
Claire looked taken aback, clearly not expecting my dad to side with me so forcefully.
Woman frowning at the camera | Source: Pexels
She didn’t back down or apologize, though. Instead, she turned on her heel and stormed off, leaving us in an awkward, painful silence.
I tried to hold back my tears, but it was no use. My mom wrapped her arms around me, trying to offer some comfort.
My dad looked devastated, his shoulders slumping. “Michelle, I’m so sorry. I had no idea she would react like this. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
I nodded, because I knew it wasn’t Dad’s fault, but the damage was done.
A woman consoles another woman | Source: Pexels
You don’t just get over something as cruel as what Claire did to me. I tried to focus on the love and pride my parents had for me, but my mind kept replaying that moment.
It was hard to shake the sadness and disappointment. I wasn’t a perfect stepdaughter, but I’d never done anything to deserve this.
As we drove home for a small celebration, I couldn’t help but feel bitter. Claire’s jealousy had ruined everything, and I didn’t think I could ever forgive her.
Teenage girl | Source: Pexels
So, I was astounded she had the audacity to show up at the celebration. Dad tried to act like everything was okay, and Mom fought to keep the celebration going, but the tension was thick.
I took a slice of cake and sat in one corner, glaring at Dad and Claire. I guess he noticed me looking daggers at them, because he soon led her out onto the patio. I immediately hurried over to eavesdrop.
A couple having a heated discussion | Source: Pexels
“…have any idea how much you hurt Michelle?” Dad was saying.
Claire crossed her arms. “I didn’t want to be disrespected. Seeing you with her… it makes me feel like I don’t matter.”
“You tore up your stepdaughter’s graduation cap, Claire!” Dad snapped. “Do you not see how crazy that is? And over something as silly as a photo? My God!”
There was a long pause. I watched Claire closely as her face scrunched up. I was fully expecting her to go off again, but what she said next blew me away.
A shocked woman | Source: Pexels
“You’re right,” Claire muttered. “I-I don’t know what I was thinking. I just saw red.”
“I love you, Claire, but this is the last straw. If you can’t get a handle on your insecurities, then this relationship is doomed,” Dad said, his tone softening a bit. “What you did to Michelle was completely uncalled for, and I won’t stand by and let it happen again.”
“It won’t.” Claire blinked away tears as she took Dad’s hand in hers. “I promise. Please, say you’ll forgive me?”
A frowning man | Source: Pexels
My dad sighed, the tension easing a bit. “It’s not too late to change, but I’m not the one you should be asking for forgiveness.”
Claire nodded, looking genuinely sorry. “I’ll find a way to fix this.”
I’d heard enough, so I slipped away before they could notice me. I was still mad at Claire and couldn’t imagine anything she could do now to make up for ripping my cap to shreds.
Later that evening, Claire proved me wrong.
Thoughtful young woman | Source: Pexels
I was staring out the window, daydreaming about starting college in the Fall, when Claire approached me, holding something behind her back.
“Michelle, can we talk?” she asked softly.
My knee-jerk reaction was to tell her to get lost, but I was curious, so I nodded instead.
She sat beside me and pulled out a brand-new graduation cap. “I got all your classmates to sign it,” she said. “I’m really sorry for what I did, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”
Young woman seated near a window | Source: Pexels
I took the cap from her. Attached to it was a note: ‘Michelle, what I did to you was awful, but I hope you’ll find it in your heart to let me fix it. I’m truly sorry for hurting you. Love, Claire.’
“You ruined what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life,” I said, tears flowing down my cheeks as I spoke. “Do you truly mean this apology, or are you just trying to make sure Dad doesn’t dump you for acting crazy?”
Adult woman speaking to teen girl | Source: Pexels
Claire nodded earnestly. “I mean it, Michelle. I promise.”
Maybe I’m crazy, but I decided to give her a chance. First, I made her work for it. I asked her to take a photo of me with Mom and Dad while I held my new cap. To my surprise, she agreed.
“Now, for the whole family,” I said with a smile as I gestured to Claire to join us.
Do you think I did the right thing by forgiving my stepmom?
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