Demi Lovato has explained why she switched from using they/them to she/her pronouns.
After starring in the critically acclaimed Disney films Camp Rock (2008) and Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam (2010), Lovato, 32, shot to fame.
She has also enjoyed success in the music industry; approximately 24 million recordings are thought to have been sold in the United States.
Regarding her gender identity and suality, Lovato has been exceedingly transparent with her fans throughout the years. In 2021, the vocalist of “Heart Attack” disclosed on Instagram that she is non-binary. The music sensation said,
“I’m excited to share more of my life with you all today and am proud to announce that I identify as non-binary and will be officially changing my pronouns to they/them going forward.” This is the result of extensive self-reflection and healing effort. I don’t
The singer of “Sorry Not Sorry” said that her early years in the South were “very confusing” and “not very open.”
Thankfully, it seems like Lovato is much more at ease disclosing information about her gender identity and s**uality these days. At YouTube Pride, she said that she was “thankful” to her family for “using my pronouns.”
Additionally, Lovato informed her followers that the shift occurred as she started to learn more about herself
The “Cool for the Summer” singer clarified in an interview with the music podcast Audacy Check-In: “I’ve utilized this time to truly investigate what feels right to me since I’ve learnt about gender identity and being non-binary or gender non-conforming.
“And after a year and a half of investigation, I came to the realization that it was time to share with the world my discomfort with being referred to as a’she’ or ‘her.’”Since it’s something new, I recognize that some people may find it difficult to get used to, but I want to encourage them to keep trying and let them know that it takes time to become used to.
Lovato acknowledged that she occasionally might even “mess up” while using pronouns.
Lovato disclosed on the show that she had developed intimate friendships with members of the LGBTQIA+ community in other places.
“My queer family has become more of a family than friends. I used to identify family as blood related,” the woman stated.
And it seems like I have two families right now. In addition to my biological family, I also have a gay family that I consider to be my chosen family.
Lovato’s engagement to singer and actor Max Ehrich ended a year before she came out as transgender.
The singer of “La La Land” later stated to Glamour that she thought their split was a blessing in disguise.
“As I got older, I realized how queer I really am,” she stated to the outlet. I was engaged to a man last year, and when that didn’t work out, I thought, “This is a big sign.”I had the idea that I would live a lifetime in a relationship. I was relieved that I could live my truth now that I wasn’t going to.
“And when I said goodbye to that relationship, I also said goodbye to everything that was holding me back from being my most authentic self,” Lovato continued during a visit at the 19th Represents Summit.
The pop singer also disclosed to the site that she wasn’t sure how her path of gender exploration would develop at the time.
“I may identify as transgender at some point in the future. I’m not sure how this appears to me. I may identify as non-binary and gender nonconforming for the entirety of my life at some point in the future, she said.
For me, at this precise moment, this is how I identify. Perhaps as I get older, I will come to identify as a woman; I’m not sure what that looks like.
The singer of “Skyscraper” said, “I’ve actually adopted the pronouns of’she/her’ again,” during an appearance on the Sprout Podcast.
“My energy, particularly last year, was balanced between my male and feminine energies, allowing me to enter a washroom where the signs read “women” and “men.”
“Since I didn’t feel particularly feminine, I didn’t feel like there was a restroom for me. I didn’t feel manly at all. All I felt was human.”
In addition, Lovato said she has been “feeling more feminine.””
“However, I believe that what matters is that nobody is flawless,” she said in closing. Pronoun errors happen to everyone occasionally, especially to those who are just learning. It all comes down to respect.
Am I Wrong for Refusing to Keep Providing Free Childcare for My Stepdaughter?
All I ask is a few minutes of your time to hear my ordeal. Months after providing free childcare for my stepdaughter, I made a choice to refuse when things went too far. Now I need you to tell me — was I really wrong for not giving in to her bizarre demands and refusing to babysit her child?
Retirement was supposed to be my time to relax, travel, and maybe take up gardening. Instead, I became “Grandma Daycare,” a title I wore proudly. I’d retired when my first grandchild was born, and over the years, I’d babysat all five of my grandchildren, both from my kids and stepkids.
An older woman with her grandchild | Source: Pexels
“Grandma, tell us the story about the dancing bear again!” little Tommy would beg, his eyes sparkling with excitement.
“No, the princess one!” Lily would counter, climbing onto my lap.
Those moments made my heart swell. Their laughter was worth every second of exhaustion, even on the hardest days. It wasn’t always easy, but I loved it.
Whether it was finger painting, bedtime stories, or comforting a feverish toddler, I poured my heart and soul into caring for them. My days were busy but fulfilling.
A cheerful grandmother babysitting a toddler | Source: Midjourney
“You’re a miracle worker,” my son James once said, watching me juggle three kids while baking cookies. “I don’t know how you do it.”
“Love,” I replied simply. “Love makes everything possible, dear.”
Alice, my stepdaughter, was the last one to have a baby. Her daughter, Ellie, was born when my schedule was already full. I watched my 18-month-old grandson Monday through Friday and handled the older kids during summer breaks.
I wasn’t sure I could take on another child, but I was open to helping where I could.
Unfortunately, Alice and her boyfriend, Sam, made that almost impossible.
A young couple | Source: Unsplash
Alice and Sam had always been a bit high-maintenance, but I wasn’t prepared for the three-page list they handed me when Alice was just ten weeks pregnant.
“We’ve put together some rules,” Alice said, her voice overly casual. “If you’re going to babysit my baby, you’ll need to agree to these.”
I skimmed the list, and my jaw nearly hit the floor.
“I can’t cook? I can’t have more than one other grandchild over? And what’s this about my cat? Muffin has to stay out of the baby’s rooms, even when your baby’s not here?” I looked at them incredulously. “This is… a lot.”
A shocked senior woman holding a piece of paper | Source: Midjourney
Sam folded his arms. “It’s for our baby’s safety.”
“Safety?” My voice rose. “I raised three children, helped raise two stepchildren, and have been caring for four grandchildren without a single incident. What exactly are you implying about my capabilities?”
“Times have changed, Ruby,” Sam said dismissively. “There are new studies, new recommendations —”
“New recommendations about cooking?” I interrupted, my hands trembling with anger. “About having siblings and cousins around? About cats that have been part of the family longer than you have?”
“Mom,” Alice pleaded, “we just want what’s best for our baby.”
A young woman looking frustrated | Source: Midjourney
“I’m sure you mean well,” I said, handing the list back, fighting to keep my voice steady, “but this won’t work for me. You’ll need to find other childcare.”
Their faces fell, but I stood my ground.
Months later, Alice called me in a panic. Her voice cracked with desperation. “Mom, our sitter canceled last minute. Can you watch Ellie tomorrow? Just for the day?”
I hesitated. “You know I won’t be following those rules, right? I’ll provide safe and appropriate care, but I won’t be micromanaged.”
Alice sighed. “That’s fine. We just really need help.”
That “one day” turned into four months. While Alice was somewhat tolerable, Sam was a nightmare. Every time he picked Ellie up, he’d make snide comments about Muffin, the number of kids I had over, or whether I’d cooked that day.
A senior woman holding a baby | Source: Midjourney
One afternoon, as I read to Ellie and her cousin, Sam arrived early.
“Well, well,” he sneered, “I see we’re breaking rules again. Two kids at once? How dangerous.”
I held Ellie closer, feeling her tiny fingers grip my shirt. “Sam, if you have concerns, we can discuss them like adults. But not in front of the children.”
He scoffed. “I guess we don’t have a choice but to put up with this for now.”
And the other day, he said, “I guess you’re happy you won, Ruby.”
An annoyed young man | Source: Midjourney
By Sunday nights, I’d started dreading the week ahead. The joy I once felt watching my grandkids was overshadowed by Sam’s constant negativity and Alice’s relentless questioning:
“Did the baby cry? Did you change her diaper twice? Did you feed her?”
I had raised kids on my own — did they really think I was new to this whole motherhood thing? Some days were worse than others, but I let it slide, chalking it up to them being “new parents” trying too hard to get everything right.
A heartbroken senior woman sitting on the couch | Source: Midjourney
Thanksgiving was the breaking point. I’d told Alice and Sam well in advance that I’d have all my grandkids over during the holiday break. But Sam wasn’t happy.
“This isn’t safe,” he said during one particularly tense pickup. “You can’t watch all those kids and take care of Ellie properly.”
“I’ve been doing this for years, Sam,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. “All these children are family. They love each other, they look out for each other, and there’s nothing to worry about here.”
“That’s not good enough,” he interrupted. “Ellie needs individual attention. She needs —”
“Then make other arrangements,” I said calmly.
Of course, they didn’t.
An annoyed man holding a baby | Source: Midjourney
On the first day of Thanksgiving break, Sam picked Ellie up and made another snide comment, this time directly to her. “I’m sorry, my baby. I guess we have no choice but to leave you in an unsafe situation to be neglected.”
My heart shattered. Seven-month-old Ellie might not have understood the words, but I felt humiliated. Her lower lip trembled, and she began to cry.
“How dare you,” I whispered, my voice shaking with rage. “How dare you poison her against me? Against her family?”
I scooped Ellie up, soothing her tears while glaring at Sam. “You can criticize me all you want, but don’t you dare use this precious child as a weapon in your petty war.”
A senior woman having an emotional breakdown | Source: Midjourney
Sam opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. “You may think you’re the expert at everything, but let me remind you — respect is earned, not demanded. And right now? You’re running on empty.”
Sam scoffed, crossing his arms. “Respect? You mean like the respect you show by ignoring our rules? Funny, because from where I’m standing, you’re the one who’s out of line.”
That was it.
I called Alice that night, my voice hoarse from holding back tears. “You have two weeks to find other childcare. And from now on, Sam is not welcome here. If he comes to pick Ellie up, I won’t watch her again.”
An angry woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
“Mom, please,” Alice begged. “He didn’t mean —”
“He meant every word,” I cut her off. “And your silence makes you complicit. Two weeks, Alice. That’s final.”
Alice reluctantly agreed, and for a while, things improved. However, on New Year’s Day, I received several texts from friends with screenshots of a post that Sam had made on his social media page.
“Thankful we finally found someone safe to watch Ellie after dealing with a HORRIBLE babysitter,” the post read. He tagged me and added, “Some people just aren’t cut out for childcare.”
What hurt the most? Alice had liked the post.
A shocked senior woman staring at her phone | Source: Midjourney
I was LIVID. After months of free childcare, enduring Sam’s endless criticism and Alice’s never-ending demands, this was how they repaid me? I collapsed into my husband’s arms, sobbing.
“Thirty years,” I choked out. “I’ve been caring for children for 30 years. How can they say I’m not cut out for it?”
“They’re wrong,” he whispered, stroking my hair. “Everyone knows they’re wrong.”
I decided right then and there: I was done.
A few days later, Alice called again. “Mom, the daycare dropped Ellie. Can you start watching her again?”
An anxious young woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
I took a deep breath, steadying myself against the kitchen counter. “I’m sorry for your situation, Alice, but I can’t do it. I don’t feel comfortable watching Ellie anymore.”
“Please, Mom,” she sobbed. “We don’t have anyone else. I might have to quit my job!”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before letting Sam publicly humiliate me. Before liking his cruel post.”
“That was stupid, I know,” she admitted. “I just… I felt trapped between you and him. Please, Mom. We’ll do anything.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I whispered, tears rolling down my cheeks. “But sometimes ‘anything’ comes too late.”
A sad woman engaged on a phonecall | Source: Midjourney
Later, I found out the truth. The daycare hadn’t dropped Ellie — her parents had left because they couldn’t afford it. Alice and Sam hadn’t realized daycare didn’t provide essentials like diapers, wipes, and formula. They’d assumed $350 a week covered everything. Sam had also been shocked to learn that one worker cared for five infants at a time.
Now, they were scrambling. Sam had to sell his dirt bike, and Alice sold all her designer handbags to afford their child’s daycare.
My husband and stepson think I should reconsider for Ellie’s sake. “Sam’s the problem,” they argue. “Why punish Alice and Ellie for his behavior?”
A distressed woman lost in deep thought | Source: Midjourney
One night, during a heated family dinner, my stepson took a jab at me. “If this were your own daughter’s child, you’d forgive and move on.”
The room fell silent. I set down my fork, hands trembling.
“How dare you,” I whispered, tears stinging my eyes. “How dare you suggest I love any of my grandchildren less than others. I’ve poured my heart and soul into this family for decades. I’ve loved your children as my own. But love doesn’t mean accepting abuse.”
“Mom’s right,” my daughter Sarah spoke up, her voice fierce. “You all saw how Sam treated her. How Alice enabled it. Would you let someone treat your mother that way?”
A furious woman crossing her arms | Source: Midjourney
My stepson’s words stung, but they weren’t true. I’d always treated my stepkids and biological kids equally. The difference was respect. My own kids and their spouses respected me. But Alice and Sam didn’t.
Ellie eventually returned to daycare, and I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I could finally enjoy my time with my other grandkids without Sam’s negativity hanging over me.
One morning, while watching my grandson paint, he looked up at me with serious eyes.
“Grandma,” he said, “why doesn’t cousin Ellie come anymore?”
My heart clenched. “Sometimes, sweetheart, grown-ups have disagreements that make it hard to be together. But that doesn’t mean we love Ellie any less.”
A little boy with curious eyes | Source: Midjourney
“I miss her,” he said.
“Me too, baby,” I whispered. “Me too.”
Alice and Sam are learning the hard way that free childcare isn’t a right — it’s a privilege.
So, am I wrong for refusing to keep watching Ellie? Maybe. But respect is a two-way street. If they can’t appreciate the help they’ve been given, they’ll have to figure it out themselves.
Last week, I saw Alice at the grocery store. She looked tired and stressed. Our eyes met across the produce section, and for a moment, I saw my little girl again — the one who used to run to me with skinned knees and broken hearts, trusting me to make everything better.
But I’m not that kind of bandage anymore. To all the Sams and Alices of the world: grandma isn’t a free nanny.
A determined senior woman | Source: Midjourney
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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