My mother had a clear favorite her entire life, while I was raised by my grandparents mostly. When she got old and sick, I helped financially but refused to do more than that for a crucial reason.
While most good parents would tell you that they don’t have a favorite, my mother was not ashamed to tell me that my brother, Stanley, was her golden boy. My father walked out of our family because caring for two children became too much.
In the end, my mother blamed me for it. “He wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t gotten pregnant with you,” she told me one day. I was just a child at the time and only wanted my mother’s love.
“But that’s not my fault,” I replied. “I didn’t ask to be born.”
“Don’t talk back to me! I’m the parent, and you’re the kid, so shut up,” she finished. We would have similar conversations through the years whenever she was mad at me. Finally, my mother sent me to live with my paternal grandparents.
They felt so bad that our father had walked away from our lives that they took me in and gave me all the love I never received at home. That’s how I learned that the word family has lots of meanings.
All I heard about my mother and brother over the years was that she helped him with everything. He got into some trouble with the police, and my mother paid all his legal fees. Eventually, she had to sell her house and pay for his apartment.
Stanley was spoiled and couldn’t hold down a job, but my mother coddled him. Meanwhile, my grandparents didn’t have much money, but they gave me everything they could. I had to work to afford my college and my home.
I learned a whole ton of responsibility, and when I graduated, I got a pretty decent job. That’s where I met my husband, Lawrence. We had two daughters whom I cherished equally. When my grandparents got sick, I was there for them until the very end.
They gave me their house, and one of my daughters moved there when she got married. Unfortunately, my husband died shortly after her wedding. She asked me to live with her, but I wanted to stay in our home.
I didn’t hear from my brother or my mother for many years. They didn’t care about me at all, so why should I care about them? But one day, Stanley called. “Hello?” I answered the phone.
“Hey, Brooke. It’s Stanley. How are you?” my brother said through the other line.
“Oh, hey, Stanley. Long time, no speak. I’m fine. How about you?” I replied.
“Yeah, it’s been a while. Listen, I’m calling because Mom broke her hip. I need your help,” Stanley continued.
“Oh, that’s too bad. Is she ok?” I asked.
“She’s fine. It’s just that the hospital bill will be pretty expensive, and I need help paying for it. She’s our mother after all,” he explained.
“Oh, well. Ok. Give me the details, and I’ll send some money,” I told him. My husband and I had accumulated decent savings, so I could afford to send Stanley some money for whatever our mother needed.
“That’s great, Brooke. Thank you. I’ll talk to you later,” Stanley said and hung up. I didn’t feel any obligation to my mother, but I wasn’t heartless. I sent him the money and forgot about it until a week later when my brother called again.
“Hey, Brooke!” Stanley started.
“Hey. How did everything go?” I asked.
“The operation for her hip went well, but the doctor just told me she’s going to need tons of rehab and round-the-clock care. I was wondering when you could come to pick her up?” my brother asked.
“What do you mean pick her up?” I probed, confused.
“I told you. She needs someone to take care of her. I’ve been by her side our whole lives. It’s time you take responsibility, Brooke. I can’t watch her,” Stanley added.
“Excuse me? Responsibility? Mom sent me to live with our grandparents because she hated me, and you were her golden boy. She essentially abandoned me,” I snapped.
“Please. Stop the melodrama. You need to step up because she needs you. She gave you life. You owe her,” Stanley demanded.
“No. I don’t owe her anything. I needed my mother when I was growing up, and she refused. She gave all her love to you, so you will need to figure out something. I gave you money for her hospital bills out of the goodness of my heart, but I won’t be her caretaker,” I told him.
“YOU’RE HORRIBLE, BROOKE! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS? I CAN’T WATCH HER!” Stanley started screaming through the phone.
“Honestly, I don’t care, Stanley. You don’t get to call me horrible. I was a kid when she abandoned me, and my grandparents became my REAL PARENTS. Don’t call me again!” I finished and hung up the call.
Stanley tried calling, texting, e-mailing, and more for several days, but I blocked him. He also tried contacting my daughters, but they refused to listen to him. They knew my history with that side of the family.
Of course, Stanley and my mother bad-mouthed me to anyone who would listen. I have been severely judged for my decision, but I didn’t listen to their criticism. After all, no one ever judged my mother for what she did to me.
What can we learn from this story?
- Caring for your loved ones is important. While Brooke’s choice is controversial, it’s easy to understand her point of view, given her background.
- Forgiveness is divine. Sometimes, you have to be the bigger person. Caring for your parents when they’re old is a big duty, both financially and emotionally. Someone has to do it.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a mother who left her disabled daughter at an orphanage.
Recognize her? Better sit before you learn her true identity…
Joan van Ark was born on June 16, 1943, in New York City, New York. Her parents were not connected to the film industry.
When Joan was a teenager acting in Denver, she met actress Julie Harris, and their lives would never be the same.
Julie pushed her to go to the highly regarded Yale Drama School and gain admission using a scholarship she had also set up.
This made Joan Van Ark the second-ever woman to enroll at the Drama School
She [Harris] wrote to the dean and asked him to meet me. “Long story short, my parents drove me to New Haven, Connecticut, to meet the dean, who gave me a scholarship,” Joan recalled.” It was meant to be.” Joan went on to perform in the theatre for a few years, but her real passion was in Television.
Temperature’s Rising, Spider-Woman, and Days of Our Lives
Joan achieved enormous renown as a result of her roles in Temperature’s Rising, Spider-Woman, Days of Our Lives, and even one Bonanza episode. But her role as Valene Ewing on Dallas in 1978 was where she first achieved great popularity. She ended up playing the most important role she has ever had.
Because of how popular the show was, Joan appeared on its spin-off, Knots Landing. a program that was actually written prior to Dallas. Dallas was initially chosen by the producers because it was the best option for portraying affluent households at the time. Joan was then forced to play the same part in Dallas instead of joining the Knots Landing cast.
13 Seasons of Knots Landing ensued for Joan Van Ark
The person who actually convinced Joan to accept the part while already working on two other projects was her husband, renowned newscaster John Marshall. There was a moment when Val Ewing’s mother was scheduled to make her television debut. Surprise, surprise—Julie Harris was chosen for the position. The person who mattered the most to her in all the world was this.
“When the producers told me they had finally last someone to play my mother, I held my breath,” she recalled in a 1984 interview with Florida Today. “I thought, ‘Oh my God, are they going to say Phyllis Diller or Zsa Zsa Gabor, or who?’ Then they said it was Julie Harris, and I went right through the roof. I couldn’t believe they had picked her to be my mother. They didn’t even know we were friends.”
327 Episodes later, Joan Van Ark was ready for new ventures
13 Seasons and 327 episodes later, Joan left a season before the show saw its final season air. She knew many blamed her leaving on the cancellation of the show, but she was ready for new adventures. “I have loved more than life the 13 years I’ve had on that show,” she said. “[Knots Landing creator] David Jacobs is a great influence on my life, has taught me so much about so many things.”
“Ted [Shackelford] is the other half of every breath I take on the show, and personally, he’s a large part of my heart. The people are my family–we have shared marriages, deaths, and divorces. It’s far more difficult to leave than I thought.” Joan thereafter appeared on The Young and The Restless as Gloria Fisher.
In high school, John Marshall first met Joan, and the two quickly got married. They have a lovely daughter named Vanessa Marshall who works in the entertainment industry at the moment. After 56 years of marriage, the pair is still very much in love and leads extremely private lives away from the spotlight.
78 years old with a net worth of $10 million
At 78 years old, Joan has amassed a $10 million net worth and is still as gorgeous as ever when seen out and about in Los Angeles. She was last seen three years ago and was just seen paying for parking at a meter while wearing workout clothes and a ponytail.
She co-starred in the 2017 television film Psycho Wedding Crasher, which was her most recent and final appearance on screen.
Joan Van Ark, who has worked in the film industry for the past 50 years, has joined The Actor’s Studio as a life member. What an icon!
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