I thought escaping my ex with my daughter would be the hardest part, but I was wrong. Returning to my small hometown brought a storm I never saw coming.
Returning to my hometown felt like scheduling a root canal—something you know you have to do but would rather avoid at all costs. Every street, every familiar face, and even the smell of the place screamed, “Failure!”
Mom greeted us at the door. Sophie, my ten-year-old daughter, gave me a side-eye from the moment we stepped off the bus. Her expression practically shouted, “Really, Mom? This was your grand plan?”
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Things didn’t get better once we got home.
“You haven’t even unpacked,” Mom sighed, standing in my doorway.
“It’s a strategy. Maybe we’ll leave sooner than you think.”
“Brilliant. Maybe plan a magical return of your dignity while you’re at it,” she shot back, rolling her eyes.
Dinner wasn’t much of a break.
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“I want to live with Dad!” Sophie announced, dropping her fork with a clatter. “At least he doesn’t drag me to some… nowhere town!”
Mom opened her mouth, probably to say something “helpful,” but I raised a hand to stop her. She gave me a long look, then went back to her soup. Sophie’s words hung in the air like a bad smell.
That night, as I stared at the cracks in the ceiling, I realized something had to change. So, the following morning, I went to the local employment center. The place hadn’t changed a bit since high school. It was still small, stuffy, and suffocatingly dull. I was scanning the job postings when…
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“Is that Mia? I don’t believe it!”
I turned to see Ethan, the guy everyone in high school wanted to sit next to in class. He still had that boy-next-door smile that could melt ice.
“Ethan.”
We fell into an easy conversation.
“Still can’t believe it’s you,” Ethan said, shaking his head with a grin. “You haven’t changed a bit, Mia.”
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I snorted. “Liar. I’m at least ten pounds and ten thousand regrets heavier.”
“You always had the best comebacks. Some things never change.”
As we chatted, I felt myself relaxing for the first time in weeks. He talked about his recent move back to town. I mostly nodded and smiled, letting his voice fill the empty spaces in my mind.
Then, almost casually, he said, “You know, we should catch up properly. Coffee? My treat.”
Coffee. A normal, adult conversation without judgment, pity, or awkward silences.
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“Coffee sounds… good.”
And then, I heard the door open. I turned to see a woman in a designer blazer and heels sharp enough to puncture tires. She stood there like she was waiting for applause.
“Well, well,” she cooed. “If it isn’t Ethan Carter. It’s been ages. How’s life treating our golden boy?”
Ethan, ever the gentleman, smiled politely. “Vivian. Good to see you. Life’s good, thanks. I didn’t know you were still in town.”
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“Still?” she asked, feigning surprise. “Oh, I’m more than ‘still’ here.” Her eyes darted to me then. “I see you’ve already got company. Mia? Is that really you?”
I barely had time to process her words before she added, “Don’t tell me you don’t remember me. ‘Chubby Vi’? The girl who was, oh, so invisible back in school?”
Oh no. Suddenly, it all came rushing back—Vivian. The quiet, awkward girl no one noticed. But this time, she was standing in front of me, polished and commanding, looking like she owned not just the room but the entire town. And, maybe, she did.
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“Of course,” I said. “It’s been a long time.”
She gave me a sugary smile. “It has. And yet, here we are. Funny how life works, isn’t it? What brings you to the employment center, Mia? Don’t tell me… you’re looking for a job?”
“That’s right. Gotta pay the bills, you know.”
“Well, you’re in luck. I just happen to have a position available at the city café. It’s a cleaning position. Don’t worry, Mia. I’m sure you’ll pick it up quickly. And think of the perks! Free coffee at the end of the day.”
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Ethan stepped slightly closer to me. “Vivian, maybe this isn’t the time…”
“Oh, nonsense,” she interrupted. “I’m just being neighborly. Isn’t that what you like about our little town, Ethan? The… charm?”
Her eyes locked on mine again. My pride begged me to walk away, but Sophie’s face flashed in my mind. I couldn’t afford to let my ego win that one.
“Wow,” I said, forcing a tight smile. “A dream opportunity like that? How could I possibly say no?”
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Vivian’s satisfaction practically radiated off her. “That’s the spirit. Tomorrow at 7 a.m. Don’t be late.”
She turned on her razor-sharp heels, leaving the room. I stood there, wishing the floor would swallow me whole.
“It’s fine,” I muttered. “She wins this round.”
***
The days at my new job were nothing short of a sitcom where I played the hapless lead. Dirty floors, spilled coffee, leftover crumbs—it felt like the café had conspired to keep me perpetually armed with a mop.
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And then there was Vivian. Like clockwork, she showed up during my shift.
“Oh no!” she gasped dramatically, knocking her latte off the edge of the table. “How clumsy of me! Mia, darling, you wouldn’t mind cleaning that up, would you? You’re so good at it.”
I plastered on a smile that felt more like a grimace. “Of course, Vivian. Can’t let your expensive shoes suffer, can we?”
Her lips curved in a condescending smirk. “That’s the spirit. Such a team player.”
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The next day, Vivian continued her petty antics—sugar mysteriously scattered, chairs left deliberately askew, all designed to keep me busy and humiliated. At home, Sophie’s resentment only grew, and the weight of my guilt became unbearable. I knew something had to change.
While wiping down counters one afternoon, I noticed a job posting for a waitress position. Gathering my courage, I asked Mr. Larkin if I could switch roles. To my surprise, he agreed without hesitation.
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When Vivian arrived during my next shift, expecting to see me with a mop, her surprise was evident as she spotted me carrying a tray instead. She commented about my “progress,” masking her annoyance with false cheer, but I couldn’t help feeling a small, satisfying victory.
Still, I had a nagging sense that Vivian wasn’t finished yet.
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***
I had forgotten what it felt like to be excited about something as simple as a date. That night, I left the mop bucket and spilled sugar behind and felt like a person again. Ethan picked a cozy restaurant, one of those places with dim lighting and candles on the tables that made everything seem romantic, even if you were just eating breadsticks.
“You clean up nice,” he said, pulling out my chair. “Not that you don’t always look great in… uh, aprons and sneakers.”
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“Flattery will get you everywhere,” I quipped, sitting down. “And for the record, those are high-performance sneakers. Very trendy in the cleaning world.”
The conversation flowed easily, from shared memories of high school to ridiculous stories about his failed attempts at cooking. The waiter brought us pasta and wine, and I was starting to believe the night was perfect.
Suddenly, I heard the cold voice, sending a chill straight through me.
“Wow, Mia. Look at you. A dress and everything.”
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I looked up to see my ex-husband, Darren, standing at the table with a smug expression. He was dressed like he’d just stepped off a yacht, which was ironic given he’d probably get seasick in a kiddie pool.
“Darren! What are you doing here?”
“Oh, just stopping by to let you know I’m taking my daughter, Sophie,” he said casually like he was announcing he’d picked up a gallon of milk.
“What?” My fork clattered onto my plate. “You can’t just…”
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“I can, and I will,” he interrupted. “She deserves better than this… situation.”
The unspoken questions hung in the air. I felt the walls closing in. It looked like I had been hiding an entire part of my life from Ethan.
“You didn’t mention you had a daughter,” Ethan finally said.
“I was going to,” I stammered. “Tonight, actually…”
“Oh, don’t mind me,” Darren cut in with a laugh. “I just thought Ethan should know who he’s getting involved with.”
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Ethan pushed back his chair and stood up. “I think I’ll let you two work this out.”
He left me alone with Darren.
“Well, that went well,” Darren said, sitting down across from me like he owned the place. “Don’t worry, Mia. I’m not taking Sophie. My new life doesn’t exactly have room for… distractions.”
“Then why are you here?” I snapped, anger bubbling to the surface.
“Oh, just a little favor for a friend. She said you were trying to rebuild your little love life. Thought I’d lend a hand.”
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And that’s when it hit me. Of course, I knew who’d managed that. Her fingerprints were all over the wreckage of my night.
***
After that disastrous evening, I felt like the universe had thrown in the towel on me. I took a day off and decided to focus on Sophie. She deserved more than the chaos I’d been dragging her through.
So, the following morning, with a blanket, some sandwiches, and a whole bag of her favorite snacks, we set up a picnic in the backyard. Sophie giggled as we spread peanut butter on crackers and debated whether clouds looked more like rabbits or dinosaurs.
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For a moment, it felt like I could breathe again. But then, I heard Ethan’s voice.
“Hey,” he said, holding a bouquet of wildflowers. “I thought these might brighten the mood.”
Sophie’s face lit up. “Flowers? For me?”
“All yours,” Ethan said with a wink.
She squealed and bolted toward the house, yelling for Grandma to find a vase.
Ethan turned to me. “Can we talk?”
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“If you’re here to get answers about my ex, you deserve to know the truth,” I began. “Darren… he cheated on me. For years, apparently. When I found out, I packed up and left, bringing Sofie with me. Coming back here was my only option.”
“I’m sorry, Mia. No one deserves that. But it’s not about Darren. It’s about Vivian.”
“Vivian? What about her?”
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“She’s been… persistent since I moved back to town. I guess she saw my coming back as an opportunity to, I don’t know, rekindle something that was never really there.”
I sighed, the pieces clicking into place. But there was one thing I needed to know.
“Does the fact that I have a daughter scare you?”
“Scare me? Mia, beautiful girls like Sophie are the best part of life.”
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Before I could respond, Sophie came bounding back. “Come on, let’s go somewhere fun!”
Later, we were eating cotton candy at a small carnival in the next town. Sophie squealed as Ethan won her a stuffed bear at one of the games, and the way he looked at her like she was the center of the universe made something warm bloom in my chest.
I let myself believe that maybe, we were going to be okay.
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If you enjoyed this story, read this one: I never expected my Christmas to turn into a whirlwind of romance and betrayal. Invited to a magical on-air date, I thought I’d met the perfect man. But when two strangers claimed to be him and my choice led to heartbreak, I realized the real story had only just begun. Read the full story here.
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Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around
A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.
Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.
Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.
Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.
Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.
A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”
Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.
While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?
Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”
With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.
There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).
A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.
Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.
Bless!
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