I take it that everyone of us must navigate our own lives and take responsibility for our decisions? However, it is in our nature as humans to want to help friends who are actually in need. However, what would you do if your friend—the one you always stand by—started confiding in you about all of their issues, repeatedly, and with no sign of stopping? This Reddit member is exactly in that predicament. She wondered if she was managing the matter with her buddy correctly, so she looked to the large internet community for advice.
I(32F) am a single mother of two kids (6M and 5m F). I am a single mother by choice (my kids are donor conceived).
I am lucky enough to have a good job (French teacher in a private school), and a paid off house (parents’ life insurance and inheritance).
Before I had either of my kids, I made sure to have a year’s living expenses saved, then I would take a sabbatical to recover from birth, as well as bond with my kids. While on sabbatical, I still tutor some kids for some extra income.
My friend (34F), just had a baby 2 months ago. She is the breadwinner in her household, and her husband has been unemployed since he was laid off during COVID.
It was great to be pregnant at the same time, as well as having a friend with a newborn. But it has turned sour.
She has been saying how jealous she is of me being able to take off a whole year from work, how she would have loved to not worry about losing their home, how she doesn’t even have a couple hundred dollars in her savings account, let alone a whole year’s worth of living expenses….
I usually ignore it, or brush it off, because I kind of can understand the stress she is under.
Well, starting about 10 days ago, she started hinting at not being able to afford daycare, and any mention of her husband taking care of their kid is brushed off. Then she started remarking on how much free time I must have, which I deflected by saying -truthfully- that being a single mom to a baby and a small kid left me no free time actually.
Then last night she came out with it, and asked if I could “do her a favor” and watch her kid while she’s at work. I was firm, but polite, when I said that I couldn’t, that I am not capable of watching two kids under 6 months.
She started almost begging me, saying she can’t afford daycare, and if she is not back at work, she will lose her job, and they will end up homeless. I again brought up her husband, and she said that he was not good with kids, and isn’t capable of taking care of her kid.
I kept saying no, she kept pushing, until it escalated to her calling me heartless, and me telling her that it’s not my problem she chose to have a kid with a useless man.
Now she blocked me, I am feeling very guilty about what I said, and feeling like an AH.
What Happens if You are in Love with a Married Man?
Let’s start with a sobering reality check: although dating a married man can seem like an exhilarating roller coaster ride, those tracks frequently end in an emotional crash. What begins as a seductive diversion could turn into you and your spouse juggling a difficult divorce and grieving family. And should he decide to divorce his wife, you may have to deal with a future tainted with resentment and mistrust due to previous upheaval. We promise that the heartache won’t be worth it.
1. You are not going to be the top priority.
First things first: you will never be a married man’s first priority if he has a wife and children. Even while he might try to convince you that he no longer loves his wife, his kids will always come first, especially if they’re small. His family obligations will always be a cloud over your affair, keeping him away when you most need him.
2. He Won’t Ever See Your Friends and Family
Consider this: how frequently can you take him to see your loved ones? There are very few intimate get-togethers where your significant someone eventually meets the people in your inner circle. There will always be secret meetings and skulking around, depriving you of the happiness that comes from discussing your connection with others.
3. It’s Unlikely That He Will Divorce His Wife
Admittedly, there aren’t many married men who genuinely leave their wives for their extramarital companions. The hard truth? Most likely, you’re not the only one. Children involved in a divorce create a huge mess, thus their emotional health will always come first. Thus, you might be left hanging forever.
4. You Might Face Penalties for Dismantling a Family
Prepare for a storm if the wife discovers. Imagine if their marriage failed, and guess who might be held accountable? You can become known as the “homewrecker,” which would be detrimental to your feeling of value and self-esteem. It’s a big emotional weight to bear.
5. You Will Have to Wait a Long Time
Consider this: even if he swears to divorce his wife, are you really going to stay and watch to see if he keeps his word? Is your time truly worth spending with this morally dubious individual when there are seven billion people on the planet? What prevents him from betraying you in the future if he can cheat on his wife?
6. You’re Not Getting the Chance to Meet a Single Man
Rather from wishing that one day he will pick you over his wife, put your efforts into finding a compatible partner. Your chances of discovering genuine, unconditional love with someone who isn’t already in a committed relationship are reduced if you start acting like “the other woman.”
7. He Doesn’t Offer You Support When You Need It
Having a support system in a committed relationship is a wonderful thing, especially when times are hard. But a married man involved in an extramarital affair is taking on too much responsibility. He must split his attention between you, his wife, and his children, therefore he is unable to provide you with complete emotional support. Be ready for inconsistent support and occasional appearances.
8. You Have a Short Term
We hate to break the news to you, but if you’re accused of “having an affair,” this relationship probably won’t last long. Paradoxically, he is less likely to leave his wife the longer the affair continues. It turns into a vicious circle of broken promises and postponement.
9. Hiding Is Tiresome
It stinks to live in the shadows. Your self-esteem will suffer and you will be deprived of the opportunity to freely and blissfully experience love if you keep your relationship hidden. Envision the uncomplicated liberty of clasping hands in public or dining together without the apprehension of being discovered. It’s freeing.
So, carefully consider these points before starting or continuing an affair with a married man. Think about your emotional health and your future. You should have someone who can give you their whole attention, free from tangled relationships and ulterior motives.
Stay amazing and make smart decisions!
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