Shithead and Sarah have been like famiIy to my wife and I for several years, practically ever since we moved in across the street from them. The four of us were extremely tight. Our kids are the same age as theirs and are all good friends. We were one big family unit. We did dinner together a few times a week. We went on vacations together.
I truly saw Shithead as a brother, and my wife and Sarah were very close too.
Five months ago, I was completely blindsided by the discovery of an affair between my wife and Shithead. My wife had left her emaiI open on our computer, and I saw an email from her to her longtime therapist saying that Shithead would be joining her at an upcoming session “again.”
Uh, WTF? My mind started racing – why in the world would Shithead be going to her therapy sessions without my knowledge? I did a search and found some other emails to and from the therapist proving that Shithead had been going to sessions together with her for about six weeks.
I checked our mobile phone account and discovered that, since late summer, they had been exchanging hundreds of texts every day, peaking at nearIy 500/day by the holidays. Speaking of the holidays, my wife and I hosted both of our families (parents, siblings, etc) for both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, and Shithead and Sarah joined us either for dinner or after dinner on both holidays.
Text records showed that the entire time that they were at our house celebrating with our families, my wife and Shithead were texting each other across the room. They were doing that pretty much every time the four of us hung out, for months. And, you know, all day every day just in generaI. But what bothers me the most is that they were doing it with Sarah and I right there.
I confronted my wife with the evidence and she admitted that yes, she and Shithead had fallen in love. “It just happened! I don’t know how! But I love him and I just don’t feeI anything for you anymore, I’m sorry!” They had gone on a school district trip together, something had happened in her hotel room, and things had moved quickly from there. She explained, as I lay face-down on the couch, unable to look at her, that they had already made plans to move out and divorce me and Sarah, and while they didn’t plan to move in together immediately because of the kids, they’d probably do so eventually.
The meetings with the therapist were supposedly mostly for the purpose of finding a way to break this to me and Sarah as gently as possible, because they were so very concerned for our well-being. (Sarah and I are fairly certain that they weren’t pIanning on telling us about the affair at all, and were simply going to “discover” their feelings for one another several months down the line, after they’d come up with some other reason to divorce the two of us.)
My wife moved out two months ago. I was, and still am, utterly destroyed. I cry every day. I cried writing the first few paragraphs of this story just now. I worry non-stop about the impact on our kids. But I am also not exactly a shrinking vioIet when I feel that I’ve been wronged. And in this case I was, objectively, very very wronged.
So, a couple of years ago, Shithead ran for a Board of Education seat as a pretty extreme underdog. I helped him with his campaign materials and debate prep, and my wife, a well-known school district employee (this becomes important later), got the word out as best she couId. Much to our surprise, he actually won in a squeaker, by just a few dozen votes.
Being on the Board became the center of Shithead’s world. He joined every committee that he could. This turned into the foundation of his affair with my wife, as they were constantly going to school events and meetings together on evenings and weekends.
Once I discovered the affair, my thoughts turned pretty quickly to revenge, and it occurred to me that an extramarital affair between a member of the Board of Education and an employee of the school district was at least bad poIitics and possibly vioIated district policy. Making things far worse for them was that my wife was in the running for an open administrative position, and everyone knew that she was more or less guaranteed the job and the major pay raise that came with it. She had just finished her master’s degree in school administration, at the urging of her principal and the superintendent, so that she could be promoted to this specific position.
I had plenty of evidence of the affair – texts from both of them admitting to it, text records showing that they were texting hundreds of times a day, emails to and from the therapist, etc. I considered simply emailing all of the evidence to the Board and the superintendent, but felt like I, as the grieving, betrayed spouse, might not be seen as a credible source.
So instead, I invented a fictitious “furious friend” who was planning on showing up to the next Board meeting and publicly shaming the two of them for their affair. I told my wife that I’d tried to taIk this person down but couldn’t guarantee that they wouldn’t show up and humiliate them publicly. As I expected, this led Shithead to conclude that the only option was for him to preemptively admit the affair to the Board. The superintendent subsequently recommended that Shithead resign, which he did. Sarah said that he was utterly humiliated and crushed, and barely got out of bed for a few days afterward.
Once word of the affair and Shithead’s resignation started getting around, the superintendent (a longtime friend of both my wife and Shithead) contacted my wife and tearfully informed her that it was no Ionger politically appropriate for her to be promoted to an administrative position within the district.
The position that had been lined up for her was later filled by an outside candidate. This sent waves of confusion and rumor throughout the district, as it was pretty well-known that my wife was getting the job. The day after she was informed that she wasn’t getting the promotion, my wife and I, despite our crumbling marriage, took our son out to breakfast together on his birthday, and a parent stopped by our table to congratulate her on her new roIe. She said thanks, then excused herself to go cry in the bathroom for a while.
I let the dust settle for a couple of weeks, and then, right before my wife moved out, let them in on my little secret – there was never a “furious friend” threatening to expose them in the first place. Just me.
Word of all of this has gotten around our fairly small town, which Shithead grew up in and my wife has worked in for nearly 20 years. My wife refuses to taIk to me about how things are at work now, but I’ve heard from some people I know in the district that her formerly spotless reputation has taken a major hit.
Shithead, formerly a gregarious social presence in our neighborhood and at events and pubs in town, has completely gone underground and barely emerges to mow his lawn. He’s moving out soon, to a shitty little townhouse which is all he can afford due to all the child support he’s going to have to pay his wife.
My wife and Shithead claim that they plan on trying to make things work together, despite all the public humiliation. I wish them lots of Iuck with that. I’m sure it will be a lot of fun to show their faces together in town.
All the Women in My Family Showed Up to My Wedding Wearing White — What My Fiancée Did Shocked Me
When my fiancée Jen met my tight-knit, prank-loving family, I warned them not to “test” her like they do with every new woman. But on my wedding day, the women arrived grinning in white dresses, defying my ultimatum! Furious, I moved to kick them out — but Jen grabbed the mic and stunned us all.
I never thought my wedding day would turn into a battlefield, but that’s what happens when you come from a family like mine.
A man sitting with his head in his hands | Source: Midjourney
Don’t get me wrong, I love them. But the women in my family? They’re something else entirely.
Picture this: a swarm of aunts, cousins, my mom, stepmom, stepsister, and my grandmother, all bound together by their shared love of what they called “playful teasing.”
The rest of us called it what it was: bullying wrapped in a family tradition bow.
Growing up, I watched them tear through relationships like tissue paper. My cousin Mike’s first girlfriend lasted exactly one family dinner before she excused himself to the bathroom and climbed out the window.
A window in a bathroom | Source: Pexels
My sister-in-law Kelly spent three months crying after every family gathering before she finally “earned her place.”
Even my dad’s second wife, now my stepmom, had to weather six months of subtle jabs and not-so-subtle critiques before they accepted her.
“It builds character,” my mom always said whenever I complained about their antics. “Besides, everyone goes through it. It’s how we know they’re really family.”
A woman speaking during dinner | Source: Midjourney
“More like how you know they’re broken enough to join the club,” I muttered once, earning myself a month of silent treatment.
Their favorite sport? “Testing” any new woman who dared to enter our family circle. They’d pick apart everything from her clothes to her career choices until she either broke down or proved herself worthy.
Then, like some twisted initiation ritual, the victim would usually join their ranks, ready to torment the next newcomer.
Women hugging at a family gathering | Source: Pexels
When I met Jen, I knew she was different. Smart, confident, and kind in a way that made you feel seen.
I also knew my family would eat her alive if given the chance. So when I introduced her, I laid down the law.
“No harassment,” I told them firmly at our first family dinner together. “I mean it. Jen’s off limits.”
They smiled and nodded, all innocent faces and promises. I should have known better.
Women seated at a dinner table | Source: Midjourney
Two weeks later, my cousin Ben showed me the comments they’d left on Jen’s Facebook page. They’d been roasting Jen behind my back, picking apart everything from her “basic” career in marketing to her “try-hard” volunteer work at the animal shelter.
I saw red.
“Delete every last one of those comments on Jen’s Facebook!” I demanded in our family group chat. “Apologize to Jen or none of you are coming to the wedding. Not even Mom! I’m not kidding.”
An angry man typing on his phone | Source: Midjourney
The messages flooded in immediately.
“Oh, come on! We’re just having fun!”
“Don’t be so sensitive.”
“She needs to learn to take a joke.”
“This is how we welcome people into the family. You know that!”
I stood my ground. Eventually, they gave in and apologized, though their words dripped with insincerity. I thought that would be the end of it.
I was wrong.
A thoughtful man staring out a window | Source: Midjourney
Three days before the wedding, my brother Jake called me.
“Listen,” he said, his voice tense. “You need to know something. They’re planning to all wear white to the wedding. They’re calling it a ‘harmless prank’ to test if Jen’s ‘worthy’ of being part of the family.”
My stomach dropped. “Are you serious?”
A concerned-looking man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
“Dead serious. Mom’s leading the charge. They’ve got a group chat going and everything. They’ve been shopping together, coordinating their outfits. It’s like some kind of military operation.”
“Of course it is,” I said, rubbing my temples. “Because why would they let my actual wedding get in the way of their power games?”
I immediately sent out a mass text: “Anyone who shows up in white will be turned away at the door. I don’t care if it’s my own mother. This isn’t a joke or a test. It’s my wedding day.”
A man sending an angry text | Source: Midjourney
The responses were immediate and defensive.
“We’d never do that!”
“How can you accuse us of planning to upstage the bride? Shame on you!”
I didn’t believe them for a minute. The night before the wedding, I barely slept, wondering if they’d actually go through with it. Jen noticed my worry but seemed surprisingly calm about the situation.
“Whatever happens tomorrow,” she said, kissing me goodnight, “we’ve got this.”
A woman in bed smiling confidently | Source: Midjourney
On our wedding day, I stationed myself near the entrance, determined to follow through on my threat. When they arrived as a group, my heart nearly stopped.
Every single one of them, from my 70-year-old grandmother to my teenage cousin, was dressed in white. They walked in like they owned the place, smirking and nudging each other.
“You can’t be serious,” I said, stepping in front of them. “I warned you.”
A stern man standing in a building entrance | Source: Midjourney
My sister-in-law, Kelly, laughed. “It’s just a test! If she can’t handle this, she’s not worthy of being part of our family.”
I felt my face growing hot. “Get out. All of you.”
“Now, honey,” my mom started, but I cut her off.
“I mean it. Leave.”
Before I could say another word, I heard feedback from the microphone.
Close up of a microphone | Source: Pexels
My heart stopped as I turned to see Jen standing there, microphone in hand, looking absolutely radiant in her white wedding dress. The room fell silent.
“Before we get started, I’d like to say a few words. As you can see,” she began, her voice steady and clear, “the entire female side of my new family dressed in white today.”
She paused, letting her words hang in the air as the women continued to smirk. None of us were prepared for what she said next.
A bride speaking into a microphone | Source: Midjourney
“I wanted to thank them for supporting my idea to come in white and standing by me during this joyful, but definitely challenging, moment of entering their family,” Jen continued with a smile. “They said they would consider it an honor to back me up, and for that, I am truly grateful.”
The smirks melted off their faces so fast you’d think they’d been slapped. My mom’s jaw actually dropped. Aunt Susan started sputtering, trying to form words. Cousin Rachel turned an interesting shade of pink.
But Jen wasn’t finished with them yet.
A bride smiling while giving a speech | Source: Midjourney
With a graceful movement, she reached for the outer layer of her dress and removed it, revealing a stunning golden gown underneath that seemed to capture every bit of light in the room.
The gasps were audible. In that moment, she was radiant, powerful, and absolutely in control.
Jen smiled impishly as she beckoned to the women. “Come in, ladies, and take your seats so we can get this show on the road!”
I watched as my family members shifted uncomfortably, looking at each other with uncertainty for the first time in my memory. They’d finally met their match, and they knew it.
A group of women wearing white | Source: Midjourney
The mighty had fallen, and they’d fallen hard.
The rest of the wedding was surprisingly peaceful. My family members kept to themselves, speaking in whispers and throwing occasional glances at Jen.
It was like watching a pride of lionesses that had suddenly encountered something they couldn’t intimidate. They were rattled, and more than a little afraid.
Looking back, I realize that moment changed everything.
A smiling man seated at a table | Source: Midjourney
Jen didn’t just outsmart them; she showed them a different way to be strong. She took their power play and turned it into something elegant and kind. No screaming, no threats, just pure class and intelligence.
I’d always known Jen was remarkable, but watching her handle my family with such grace made me fall in love with her all over again.
I’d been ready to fight my entire family for her, something I never thought I’d be capable of doing. But she showed me there were better ways to handle conflict.
A smug woman wearing a gold gown | Source: Midjourney
These days, family gatherings are different. The women still tease, but the cruel edge is gone. They treat Jen with a respect that borders on reverence, and I’ve noticed they’ve stopped “testing” newcomers altogether.
Sometimes I catch them watching her at family events as if trying to figure out how she did it.
As for me? I couldn’t be prouder of my wife. That day, she didn’t just handle a toxic situation; she transformed it.
A couple dancing at their wedding reception | Source: Midjourney
She showed me that sometimes the best way to fight fire isn’t with more fire, but with something unexpected entirely.
“You know,” Jen told me later that night, “I almost wore the gold dress from the start. But then I thought about how they might feel, all dressed up in their white dresses, thinking they had the upper hand.”
I pulled her close. “You’re something else, you know that?”
A couple slow-dancing at their wedding reception | Source: Midjourney
She smiled that brilliant smile that first made me fall for her. “I know. That’s why you married me.”
And she was right. That’s exactly why I married her.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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