My ex-husband’s selfishness ruined our family, but I thought we had left the worst behind after the divorce. Then, one night, I woke up to my daughter’s scream, and what I discovered had me sending her away and installing security cameras only for my ex to show his worst side.
A few weeks ago, my divorce from Liam was finalized, and as I prepared to go to sleep one night, I remembered all he put me through. Honestly, the entire process had felt like trying to pull a thorn out of my side.
Woman in her late 30s in a bedroom at night with thoughtful look | Source: Midjourney
Liam gave me only years of irritation and pain. I’m not saying marriage should be easy, but life with him wasn’t just hard; it was unbearable.
He had this incredible ability to make everything about himself. We were always second place to his gadgets, schemes, and so-called “investments.”
Let me give you an example. About two years ago, when our daughter, Danielle, was 10, she begged me for ballet lessons. I was ready to make it work by cutting some costs here and there to make her happy. Any parent with a child in ballet can tell you that lessons and clothes are expensive.
Children in ballet class | Source: Pexels
But just as I had arranged everything and was about to call the academy, Liam came home grinning like he’d won the lottery. He said he’d used all of our savings to invest in a cryptocurrency his buddy said would soon blow up.
He swore we were going to be rich. That didn’t happen. The entire thing was a scam in the end, and I had to tell my daughter was ballet wasn’t possible for us at the moment.
As you can imagine, my husband just shrugged it off, saying, “These things happen all the time. The next venture will be our golden ticket!”
Man in his early 40s shrugging and smiling in the living room | Source: Midjourney
But I was tired of going broke with insane “investments” or having someone buy gadgets to their heart’s desire without thinking about what was best for the family.
Months after the scam fiasco, I found Liam watching videos about trading and finally sat down with him for a serious talk.
“Liam, you can’t keep doing this,” I urged. “You have to think about our family’s future. We might have an emergency. We have to build our finances properly. Not only that, but we also have to think about Danielle’s college.”
Woman in her late 30s sitting on couch with a serious expression | Source: Midjourney
He wrinkled his nose and waved his hand dismissively. “I AM thinking about the future. We’re going to be rich thanks to one of these things. You just don’t believe in me.”
“It’s true,” I nodded. “I don’t believe in you. This needs to stop or…”
“OR?” he challenged.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Well, then. Since you don’t trust me, let’s get a divorce,” Liam said, crossing his arms and leaning on the sofa.
Man in his early 40s sitting back on a couch with pursed lips and an unapologetic expression | Source: Midjourney
“Liam, please,” I sighed. “Be serious.”
“I AM serious,” he spat.
My mouth closed, and I stared into his eyes, searching for any sign of remorse or understanding. But there was nothing. He wasn’t going to change. He wasn’t going to fight for our family. So, why should I fight for him?
“Fine,” I replied, my resolve solidified.
Unfortunately, divorce takes longer than you can imagine. Years, actually.
Danielle was now 12, and the separation had been hard on her, particularly because Liam rarely called or visited since he moved out.
A 12 year old girl looking sad while sitting in bed | Source: Midjourney
It was a small comfort that my daughter and I got to stay in the same house as it had belonged to my late grandfather. He’d died suddenly years ago, and my mother said he always wanted me to have it.
I should’ve felt light after my divorce was finalized. But as I drifted off to sleep that night, I considered how my heart still hurt when I thought of Liam. I wished he had been the man he’d promised to be. But most of all, I wished he wanted to be a good father.
Danielle’s shrill scream ripped me from sleep hours later. My heart pounded as I bolted upright, every nerve screaming in alarm.
Woman in her late 30s bolting awake from bed looking scared | Source: Midjourney
“Mommy!” she shouted again, her voice high-pitched and terrified. I ran down the hall to her room faster than I thought possible.
I saw a shadowy figure rushing toward me when I got to her door. Before I could react, he shoved past me, slamming me into the frame. The impact sent a sharp pain through my shoulder, but I was more worried about Danielle.
I stumbled further into her room, flipping on the light.
She was sitting up in bed, trembling. “It was a man,” she stammered, her eyes wide. “He had a crowbar. I think… I think it was Daddy.”
A 12-year-old girl sitting on her bed, late at night, looking confused and scared | Source: Midjourney
I froze. “You’re sure?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm for her sake.
She nodded quickly. “I saw his face, Mom. It was him. But his eyes… they were scary.”
My stomach dropped. The thought of Liam breaking into our house and frightening our daughter like that made my blood boil. But I couldn’t focus on my anger just yet.
“Are you hurt?”
Woman in her late 30s looking scared and sweaty in a child’s bedroom | Source: Midjourney
“No,” she whispered, her voice trembling. Tears welled in her eyes. “But what’s going on? Why did he do that?”
I wrapped her in my arms, holding her tightly, desperately trying to shield her from the terror that clawed at my own throat. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re safe now. I’m here.” But was she really safe? Was I?
My mind raced as I tried to figure out what to do next.
When the sun rose, we discovered Danielle’s gold jewelry had disappeared. It was just a pair of earrings and a small necklace her godparents had given her when she was born, but it still hurt to think Liam had taken them.
A jewelry box overflowing with scattered pieces | Source: Pexels
The thought of Danielle enduring another such night filled me with dread. With a heavy heart, I called my mom, Helen, and asked if Danielle could stay with her for a while.
“Don’t worry, Gina,” Mom said over the phone. “She’ll be safe here. You focus on getting things sorted. I’ll pick her up soon.”
By that afternoon, Danielle was packed and getting into her grandmother’s car. I hated the vision of my daughter leaving her home, but it was for the best. I couldn’t risk Liam coming back while she was here.
A car driving away on a road | Source: Pexels
He’d pushed me… ME!
The anger and fear threatened to overwhelm me, but I couldn’t dwell on it. I needed to make this house safe again. I called a security company and had a top-of-the-line alarm system installed. It consisted of motion detectors and cameras that send notifications straight to my phone.
A security camera in a home | Source: Pexels
Thankfully, I could afford all of it now that Liam no longer had access to my finances.
I spent the entire day following the installers around, making sure everything was perfect. When they left, I tested the system three times to make sure it worked.
For the first week, nothing happened. I threw myself into work and chores, anything to keep my mind busy. But the fear never really went away.
Woman in her late 30s cleaning the kitchen while looking worried | Source: Midjourney
Danielle wouldn’t be coming home for at least a month. In hindsight, this had been a good decision because around ten days after she left for her grandma’s house, just after 2 a.m., my phone buzzed with an alert: “Motion detected – Front Door.”
I grabbed it and stared at the screen. The app showed movement inside the house and then in the garage. This meant the intruder came in and went through the kitchen to the laundry room, where we had a door leading to the garage.
I exited the security app and dialed 911, whispering to the dispatcher, “There’s someone in my house. Please send help.”
The dispatcher’s voice was calm and steady, but I barely heard it over the sound of my own heartbeat. “Stay on the line, ma’am. Officers are on their way.”
Police officer using the intercom in a patrol car | Source: Pexels
I should’ve stayed hidden, but I wanted to face him, so I crept down the stairs, my phone clutched tightly in one hand. The house was dark, but the light from the kitchen spilled faintly into the hallway.
I moved past the kitchen and walked into the laundry room. After a moment, I heard the sound of something being moved inside the garage.
Pushing the door open just enough to see inside, I spotted a figure in black trying to bring down the tool shelf on the wall. A crowbar glinted in his hand. What was he planning to do with that?
A man in black clothes and a mask inspecting the wall tool shelf of a garage | Source: Midjourney
I went deeper inside and called out, “Liam?”
The figure froze and turned toward me. It was definitely my ex. His face was partially obscured by a black mask, but I knew those eyes and that stance.
Instead of bolting like last time, he started walking toward me, the crowbar raised like a weapon.
On instinct, I rushed to the other wall, where we kept a button that opened the garage door. The loud rumble distracted my ex, and soon, the space was flooded with light from the street.
A home garage door opening at night | Source: Midjourney
At that exact moment, two police cars screeched into the driveway, their sirens piercing the night. Officers jumped out with their weapons drawn.
“Freeze!” one of them shouted.
Liam stopped in his tracks, dropping the crowbar with a loud clang. The cops moved in quickly, securing his hands behind his back. One of them pulled off his mask, and there he was, looking more pathetic than ever.
“What the hell were you thinking, Liam?” I asked, my voice shaking with anger.
He avoided my eyes. “Gina, it’s not what you think…”
Man in his early 40s looking down sadly while standing in a garage with police cars behind him | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, really?” I snapped. “Because it looks exactly like what I think. You broke into my house AGAIN! You already stole our daughter’s jewelry! What is wrong with you?”
“I’m so-sorry,” he stuttered as the officers hauled him roughly out to the driveway.
“Wait!” I demanded, focusing on my ex. “What were you looking for?”
He couldn’t meet my eyes as he confessed. “When I was packing, I saw a safe in the garage,” he mumbled. “I thought… maybe there was something valuable in there. I didn’t touch it back then…. But now, I just… needed a little something to get by.”
A wall safe in a garage at night | Source: Midjourney
A safe? I turned and there, on the wall where my grandfather’s tool shelf had already been, was a safe. I had no idea it existed at all.
“You’re unbelievable, Liam,” I turned back to stare at my ex as they put him in the squad car. “Absolutely unbelievable. Of course, you’re out of money already. Pathetic.”
I shook my head and watched as the cops took him away, leaving me standing in the garage.
The next morning, I called a locksmith to open the safe. If Liam thought there was something valuable in there, I wanted to see it for myself.
A man in uniform holding toolboxes while walking up a driveway | Source: Midjourney
When the locksmith cracked it open, I held my breath. There were no gold bars, no jewels, nothing flashy inside. Just a stack of neatly organized bank documents.
As I flipped through them, my jaw dropped. My grandfather had kept his entire fortune in several safety deposit boxes. And the access to all of them was registered to me.
My greedy ex had just handed me and my daughter the key to a fortune I never knew existed.
A hall of safety deposit boxes in a bank | Source: Pexels
Weeks later, I found myself in a courtroom, facing Liam. I had to testify against him to help the prosecution.
My ex-husband looked smaller than I’d ever seen him, sitting there in his orange jumpsuit, and I didn’t feel an ounce of pity.
When the judge handed down his sentence for attempted theft, breaking and entering, and the possession of a weapon, I leaned forward, drawing his attention.
“Thank you, Liam,” I said, my voice steady. “Because of your greed, I found out I’m rich. And you? Well… I hope you like prison food.”
Woman in her late 30s smirking while sitting on a bench in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
How to Own Your Dream Home
For most people, their first home isn’t their dream home. It starts off nice enough. But as time goes by and your family grows, starter homes tend to get a little . . . cramped.
But don’t hate on your current home too much. Because while it gave you a safe and dry place to lay your head at night, it was also setting you up to own your dream home someday.
We’ll show you how it all works and walk you through the steps that’ll get you in your dream home—one you can actually afford!
How to Get Your Dream Home in 5 Steps
Here are the steps:
- Follow the Financial Basics
- Find Out How Much Equity You Have
- Set Your New Home-Buying Budget
- Find the Right Dream Home for You
- Be Picky and Patient
Now let’s cover each step in more detail.
Step 1: Follow the Financial Basics
First thing’s first—you have to get out of debt, get on a budget, and build up an emergency fund of 3–6 months of expenses. Sounds pretty basic, right? If you haven’t completed these steps, then you’re not ready to upgrade to your dream home . . . yet.
Now, when you’ve got house fever, it can be hard to focus on paying off debt or saving an emergency fund before you upgrade your home—especially when you’re feeling the pressure of rising home prices and interest rates.
But whether it’s your second or third house, you should only buy a home when you’ve covered the financial basics we mentioned above. Then you’ll be ready to start the journey toward owning your dream house.
And that journey starts with your home equity. What’s equity? Well, we’re glad you asked . . . that brings us to the next step.
Step 2: Find Out How Much Equity You Have
Home equity is a pretty simple concept: It’s your current home’s value minus whatever you still owe on your mortgage.
See, in most cases, your home’s value increases over time. Similar to other long-term investments (like retirement accounts), homes gradually increase in value. There have been periods of ups and downs in the market to be sure, but the value of real estate has consistently gone up. According to the St. Louis Federal Reserve, the average sale price of a home has increased over 2,300% from 1965 to 2023! And in the last ten years (2013 to 2023), there’s been a 68% increase.1 As your home increases in value, so does your equity. In real estate terms, this is called appreciation.
Other factors that increase your home’s equity include:
- Added value: Home improvement projects like adding square footage, updating fixtures and appliances, or even just slapping on a new coat of paint can add value to your home.
- Mortgage paydown: Paying down your mortgage not only gets you out of debt faster, it also builds your equity. The less you owe on your home, the more equity you have.
The amount of equity you have gives you a pretty good idea of how much money you’ll end up with after selling your house. You can use that money to make a hefty down payment and cover the other costs that come with buying a home.
Find expert agents to help you buy your home.
So, how do you determine your home’s value? Well, you can get a ballpark estimate on real estate websites like Zillow, ask a trusted real estate agent to perform a competitive market analysis (which they’ll do anyway if they’re helping you sell your house), or get a professional appraisal.
Finding out your home’s equity will involve a little math, but it’s third-grade-level stuff, so don’t sweat it.
Here’s what we mean. Let’s say your home’s current value is $355,000. When you sell that house, you’ll have to pay for between 1–3% of the sale price in closing costs, another 6% in fees for the real estate agent who helped you sell it, and whatever’s left to pay off on your mortgage.
That means you can estimate clearing over $223,000 from selling your house. That’s a killer down payment on your dream home! And if your home is paid off, that’s even more money to put down and use to pay for things like repairs and moving expenses.
Step 3: Set Your Dream Home Budget
Once you know how much you’ll clear from the sale of your home, you can start making a budget for your dream home.
The key to owning your dream home (instead of it owning you) is to keep your mortgage payment to no more than 25% of your take-home pay on a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage, along with paying a down payment of at least 20% to avoid private mortgage insurance (PMI). Never get a 30-year mortgage even if the bank offers it (and they will). You’d pay a fortune in interest—money that should go toward building your wealth, not the bank’s.
So, let’s say your take-home pay is $4,800 a month. That means your monthly mortgage payment shouldn’t be any bigger than $1,200. By the way, that 25% figure should also include other home fees collected every month with the mortgage payment like homeowners association (HOA) fees, insurance premiums and property taxes.
Plug your numbers into our mortgage calculator to see how much house you can afford.
And don’t forget to budget for all those other costs that come with the home-buying process in addition to your closing fees—things like moving expenses and any upgrades or repairs you might need to make. You don’t want these hidden costs to catch you off guard or drain your emergency fund.
Step 4: Find the Right Dream Home for You
This is where things get real. After all your hard work building up your equity (and doing a lot of math—don’t forget that), you’re finally ready to start the house hunt. Woo-hoo!
But don’t lose focus. Stay zoned in by making a list of features that make a home fit your budget, lifestyle and dreams—and stick to it throughout your house hunt. Here are a few ideas to get you started.
- Don’t compromise on location and layout. If you plan to be in this home for the long haul, an out-of-the-way neighborhood or a wacky floor plan is a deal breaker. Look for a community and layout that’ll suit your lifestyle now and for years to come.
- Think about how much space your family needs. While your budget has the final say about how much home you buy, you’ll want your dream home to fit your family’s needs through different life seasons.
- Consider the school districts. If you have or want kids, the quality of the nearby school districts is probably already on your mind. But even if you don’t have kids or you’re retired, keep in mind that having good schools nearby could increase your home’s value.
- Look for a house that’ll grow in value. Are home values rising in the area? Is the number of businesses going up? These factors can help you figure out whether your dream home will turn into a good investment.
- Count the costs. Want that fancy master bathroom with the multiple showerheads and the Jacuzzi tub? Be clear on what’s a must-have and what’s nice to have. And don’t forget, upgraded features like that will make your dream home more expensive.
Step 5: Be Picky and Patient
We know you’re anxious to get into those new digs, but be patient. Wait for the right house at the right time. Don’t spend your money on a less-than-ideal home just because you’re tired of looking.
The key is finding a good real estate agent who understands your budget and refuses to settle for “good enough.” They’re as committed to your dream as you are and will have your back throughout the entire process, no matter what it takes.
In addition to teaming up with a great real estate agent, you can take a couple of extra steps to make sure you’re ready to strike as soon as the right home comes up:
- Get preapproved for a 15-year fixed-rate mortgage. Having preapproved financing is a green flag for sellers—especially in multiple offer situations. And because this puts most of your information in the lender’s system, you’ll be on the fast track to closing once your offer is accepted.
- Offer earnest money with your bid. Earnest money is a deposit to show you’re truly interested in a home. Usually it’s 1–2% of the home’s purchase price and it’s applied to your down payment or closing costs. Even if the deal falls through, you can almost always get most of it back.
Find a Real Estate Expert in Your Local Market
Now, you might be thinking you have some work to do before you’re ready to find your dream home. Or you may be realizing your years of hard work are about to pay off! Regardless, if you follow these steps, you’ll find the house you’ve always wanted and avoid a purchase you’ll regret.
Once you’re ready, connect with one of our RamseyTrusted real estate agents. These are high-performing agents who do business the Ramsey way and share your values so you can rest easy knowing the search for your dream home is in the right hands.
Find the only real estate agents in your area we trust, and start the hunt for your dream home!
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