Eight years of marriage fell apart in an instant when my husband Mike brought home his pregnant girlfriend and kicked me out of our house. I packed my bags, but what I really unpacked was a clever plan for revenge!
Eight years. About 2,922 days. Roughly 70,128 hours. Every moment, my heart kept saying one name—MIKE, my husband. I thought he loved me just as much. Oh, how wrong I was! I’m Michelle, a devoted wife who loved her husband deeply, until that shocking night when my world turned upside down.
It was a Tuesday evening when everything changed. I came home tired from a long day at work and found a very pregnant woman sitting on our couch, munching on chips.
At first, I thought I must have walked into the wrong house.
But no, there was the awful floral wallpaper that Mike loved, and there was Mike, looking uncomfortable like he had just swallowed something prickly.
“Hey, Michelle,” he said, sounding as casual as if he were just asking for salt. “We need to talk.”
I stood there, frozen, trying to process what I was seeing. The pregnant woman smiled awkwardly, her hand resting on her belly, looking like she was in a drama show.
“This is Jessica,” Mike said, pointing to the woman on our couch. “She’s pregnant. With my child. It… it just happened. And we’ve decided to be together.”
I waited for the joke. Surely, this was some prank for a reality TV show. Maybe I’d win a car if I didn’t freak out?
But Mike looked serious, and Jessica kept smiling that annoying smile.
Mike looked offended. “Enough, Michelle! This is serious. I think it’s best if you move out. You can go stay with your mom. Jess and I will take over the house.”
I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. Nope, still not a dream.
I half-expected Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell me I’d been Punk’d. But no Ashton. Just my cheating husband and his very pregnant partner.
“Alright,” I said calmly. “I’ll pack my things and leave.”
Mike looked relieved, probably thinking he’d gotten off easy. Jessica’s smile got even bigger, like she had just won the lottery. Little did they know, their luck was about to change, and not for the better.
I went upstairs, packed a suitcase with my essentials, and left without saying a word.
As I drove to my mom’s house, the shock faded, and anger took over. But this wasn’t just any anger. This was the kind that makes you want to do something bold and incredibly satisfying.
The next day, I put my plan into action.
First stop: the bank. I walked in there like a woman on a mission, which I was. I froze our joint account faster than you can say “cheating jerk.”
The look on the bank manager’s face when I explained was priceless. I think he was mentally taking notes for his next book.
Next, I went to a locksmith.
I remembered overhearing Mike tell Jessica they’d be gone for three days, giving me plenty of time to carry out my plan. It felt like the universe was on my side, and who was I to argue with fate?
My next stop: my house. The same cozy home where Mike and I had once made plans for the future, which was now in ruins.
The confused locksmith probably thought I was crazy, laughing as I had him change all the locks on the house. I may have gone a little overboard and asked for the most complicated, high-tech locks. If I was going to do this, I wanted to do it right.
Then came the movers.
I gave them the spare keys and arranged for them to pack up everything I owned, which was basically everything in the house. I even took the toilet paper. Let’s see how Mike and Jessica enjoy using leaves!
But the best part? Oh, that was still to come. I had a brilliant idea that would make this revenge not just sweet, but unforgettable.
I sent out party invitations. A lot of them. To Mike’s family, our friends, his coworkers, and even that nosy neighbor who always complained about our late dog.
The invitation said: “Come celebrate Mike’s new life! Surprise party at our house, tomorrow at 7 p.m.!”
Then, I arranged for a billboard. Yes, a billboard. A huge one. It was delivered and set up on our front lawn, impossible to ignore.
In giant, bold letters, it read: “Congratulations on Dumping Me for Your Pregnant Mistress, Mike! Hope the Baby Doesn’t Inherit Your Infidelity!”
I stepped back to admire my work, feeling like a mischievous fairy godmother who just granted the world’s most ironic wish. With a satisfied smirk and a dramatic hair flip, I walked away, excited for the chaos to come.
The next evening, right on cue, my phone rang. It was Mike, and he sounded like he was losing it.
“Michelle!” he yelled, his voice reaching levels I didn’t know he could hit. “What the hell is going on? Why are there people at our house? And what’s with this crazy billboard?”
“Oh, that?” I said, trying to sound innocent. “Just a little housewarming party for you and Jessica. Don’t you like the decorations?”
“Decorations? It’s a freaking circus out here! And why can’t I get into the house?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, sweetie, you told me to move out, remember? You never mentioned anything about you staying there. The house is under my name, so I changed the locks. Oops!”
There was a long pause on the other end. I could almost hear him trying to understand what was happening.
“Where are we supposed to go?” he finally asked, sounding lost.
“Gee, I don’t know, Mike. Maybe Jessica’s mom would love to have you? I hear pregnancy hormones and in-laws mix really well.”
I hung up, feeling lighter than I had in years. But wait, there was more!
In the following days, I had the utilities turned off, canceled the cable, and made sure all our shared assets were in my name. I put the house up for sale, making sure to mention in the listing that it came with a “bonus front lawn art installation.”
I had Mike served with divorce papers at his work. I even asked the mailman to dress up as a pregnant woman. Just for fun!
But the universe wasn’t finished with Mike yet. Oh no, it had saved the best part for last.
A week later, I got a call from Jessica. Yes, that Jessica. She was crying so much that I could barely understand her.
“Michelle,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know… I mean, Mike told me you two were separated. And now… now he’s broke and homeless, and I’m pregnant, and I don’t know what to do!”
I almost felt bad for her. Almost.
“Well, Jessica,” I said, trying not to sound too happy, “I hear the circus is always looking for new acts. Maybe you two could start a juggling duo? You juggle the baby, and he juggles his lies?”
She didn’t appreciate my humor. Tsk! Tsk!
As it turned out, when Jessica learned that Mike was now homeless, broke, and the laughingstock of the town, she decided that being with a guy who had no money, no house, and no future wasn’t a great idea after all.
She dumped him faster than you can say “Karma’s a b****!”
Last I heard, Mike was living in a tiny apartment, trying to scrape together enough money to pay bills and feed himself. His family had cut him off, disgusted by what he did.
They even sent me a fruit basket and an apology card. I ate the fruits while relaxing in my new jacuzzi.
As for me? Well, the house sold for a nice profit. I moved to a beautiful new place, started my own business, and adopted a cat. I named him Karma.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly
Their waitress, taking another order at a tabIe a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the tabIe and said to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmIy, No he didn’t. He just walked in the door.
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