My mother did everything in her power to prevent me from seeing my father after they divorced. But once my dad tricked me on the phone, and everything changed.
“I don’t want to see you ever again!” my mom yelled as my father got into the car and left our home forever. That was my earliest memory. Dad left when I was two years old after a huge fight with my mother.
They got divorced, and I didn’t see him for many years. As I got older, I realized that my mother was preventing me from seeing my father. “I want to visit Dad. Please!” I begged when I was ten years old.
“No! You can’t go see him. He’s busy with his new family and doesn’t want to see you,” she replied.
“I know that’s not true! You’re lying to me! I talk to him on the phone, and he wants to see me!” I cried, pleading with her to see my father.
“Don’t talk back to me, Alexandra! Your father left us and doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with you now,” Mom said. I thought that was unfair, but I was still just a child.
My dad and I kept in constant contact over the phone, but I really wanted to spend time with him, and I knew he wanted the same. However, Mom was an expert at getting her way.
As a teenager, I decided to go on my own to see him, and she called the cops on me. They picked me up before I could reach his house and drove me back home.
“The next time you try to disobey me, I will say that your father kidnapped you, and he will go to jail where he belongs!” she screamed at me when the cops left.
Back then, I thought she was doing the right thing for me, but as I grew up, I realized that it was pure selfishness on her part. I didn’t want to hang out with her or do anything. I also started rebelling at school. She drove a huge wedge between us, and I didn’t care anymore.
“Alexandra, do you want to go shopping with me?” she asked me one day. I was 17 years old and had grown to almost hate her.
“Nope,” I answered.
“How about the movies?”
“Nope.”
“Why don’t you want to do anything with me?” she whined.
“Really? You’re asking me that question? You know exactly why I treat you this way,” I said in a bored tone.
“I have done nothing to you! All the sacrifices I have made for you, and you’re so ungrateful!” Mom yelled once more.
“Yeah, ok. Close the door, please,” I added.
By then, I was immune to her tantrums and how she victimized herself to get away with things. I moved out as soon as I turned 18 and never looked back.
But seeing my dad wasn’t any easier. I had to work two jobs and go to school. He was also busy with work, and his second wife had just delivered twins by then. Neither of us had time, so we put it off.
I met with him on a Saturday afternoon at his house and met his wife. They showed me the twins, and we talked for a while. But it felt so awkward that I didn’t want to do it again. Maybe my mother had ruined any chance I had at a relationship with him.
We talked on the phone for a long time once a week. I asked about the twins and told him about my life. It wasn’t ideal, but it worked for us. Years went by this way. I didn’t hear of my mother until I was 29 years old.
“Hey, Alexandra,” she spoke on the phone tentatively.
“Oh, hey, Mom,” I answered, confused with her call.
“We haven’t talked in a long time. How are you?” she asked.
“I’m fine. How about you?” I replied. We chitchatted awkwardly for a few minutes, and then she got to the point.
“Listen, honey. I was hoping that we could work on mending our relationship. How does that sound?” Mom wondered.
“I don’t know. Are you going to apologize for everything?” I retorted.
“I…I still don’t think I did anything wrong. I was trying to protect you from being hurt like I was when you were little. But I understand that you felt differently,” she explained.
“So, you’re not apologizing?” I continued, tired of this conversation. She was never going to acknowledge her wrongs, and I had no time for that.
“Alexandra! I’m your mother. You haven’t talked to me in years! You’re so selfish!” she wailed, raising her voice.
“Ok, goodbye,” I said and hung up the phone. She tried calling me back, but I ignored her. I would not let her back into my life until she apologized.
Another year went by, and I received a strange call from my dad. He never called during working hours. “Alexandra! This is an emergency! Can you come to see me?” Dad said urgently through the phone.
“What? Dad? What’s going on?” I asked, worried.
“I sent you an address. Come quickly! This is a matter of life or death!” he told me and hung up.
I went to my boss, took a day off work, and ran to my car. But the address Dad gave me took me right to an amusement park close to his house.
“Hey, honey!” he smiled when I met him at the front gate.
“Dad! Why are we here? What’s the emergency?” I asked, confused.
“The emergency is that you and I never got to do all the fun things father and daughters do over the years. We have put off building a real relationship, and I don’t want to waste any more time. Let’s go have fun!” Dad explained.
“Can you go on the rides? I know you have had some health problems lately,” I said hesitantly.
“I’m fit as a fiddle. Come on!” he urged.
We spent the entire day at the park and talked about everything. I felt like a child for the first time in my life, and it was wonderful.
I also told him about my problems with Mom and how hard it was when she didn’t let me see him. “Your mother is complicated and full of pride. But she’s not evil. We didn’t work out, and she couldn’t take it,” he started.
“Yeah, I wished I could’ve lived with you,” I told him.
“Well, I was pretty lost for many years trying to figure things out. We might have hated each other. But here we are, and I think you should patch things up with her. Life is too short to hold grudges,” he said.
After that marvelous day at the park, we went to dinner. When I got home, I called Mom and told her everything I felt regarding my dad. How she hurt me back then by not letting me spend time with him and how fun our day had been. She cried and apologized to me for the first time. I felt like she understood, and we started talking more often.
Meanwhile, I grew closer to my dad and loved babysitting my twin half-siblings. We even took them to the amusement park for a fun day too.
I finally had the childhood I always wanted.
What can we learn from this story?
Divorce happens between couples, not with children. Alexandra’s mother didn’t understand that her father divorced her but wanted a relationship with their daughter.
Life is too short for grudges. Alexandra’s father is right. Sometimes, it’s better to forgive for your own sake. Let go of things that make you angry, and your mental health will improve.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
13 Simple Tips of How to Spot Poor Quality Shoes Right On
Ideally, a new pair of shoes should be comfortable and fashionable. However, you may find a lot of options in footwear shops that meet these 2 criteria, but at the same time their quality is so bad that they won’t last long. We decided to find out what things you should pay attention to in order to choose a really high-quality pair.
Check the shoes for smudges and glue marks.
Manufacturers often use glue to stick together different parts of the shoe. If the glue is of high quality and the work is done properly, the pair will last a long time. However, small glue drips in the spots where parts meet or traces of glue on the surface indicate that you are looking at low-quality shoes and that there were issues during production.
When a part of the shoe, its sole or insole, comes off a bit, it means the shoemaker probably used bad or expired glue, and this pair will fall apart quickly.
Examine whether the pair is symmetrical.
Quality shoes in a pair should be symmetrical, and any differences between the right and left shoes most likely indicate a defect. To check this, you need to put the soles of both shoes together and see if they match in length and width.
It’s also worth putting the pair on the floor to understand whether the height and outline of the upper edge of the heel are symmetrical. If the soles are painted in different colors, check whether the paint is within the borders of the sole and whether the pattern matches. Gross irregularities in symmetry indicate that the manufacturer didn’t pay much attention to quality.
Check the seams carefully.
Any uneven or diverging seams make shoes look not that good. This happens if the manufacturer used too thin threads or the work was done poorly. As a result, such a pair will fall apart much faster. It’s also necessary to check the uniformity of stitches and the evenness of the seam itself.
If its line is curved or zigzag-looking, this means that the shoes you’re looking at are of poor quality and will lose their appearance in a couple of months. And zigzag-looking stitch is often used to hide the imperfections of the stitching.
Examine the heels.
The heel must be firmly attached to the sole and not wobble. It’s necessary to look at the shoes from the side. In good quality pumps, the high heels are positioned exactly under the center of the heel and touch the ground at a slight incline.
It’s worth looking carefully at the heels from behind – any deviation of the heels from the angle of 90⁰ indicates a defective product. Moreover, these shoes are simply dangerous to wear – this may lead to ankle injuries.
Loose eyelets are a bad sign.
Any metal or plastic parts on the shoe (especially those that come into contact with the skin) should be tightly fastened. Thus, it’s worth carefully examining the eyelets for laces. Although this defect is quite rare, it can lead to wearer’s injury.
You should also check how well any embellishments are attached to the shoe. If they fall off at one point, the pair won’t look good anymore.
Carefully inspect the inside of the shoe.
Some manufacturers save on the training of workers and don’t calibrate equipment before the production of a new product line. As a result, shoes, boots and sneakers may have seemingly insignificant defects such as wrinkles and creases. If these defects are small, they won’t cause much trouble to the wearer. But large creases can rub the skin while walking, which will lead to abrasions and blisters on the feet.
Examine the insoles.
Even if a shoe looks perfect from the outside, you need to scrutinize it from the inside too. If the insoles show small wrinkles and creases, this pair is likely to be uncomfortable to wear. In addition, you should carefully feel the insoles to make sure that there are no bubbles on them.
Another important thing is that there must be cushioning between the insole and the sole, especially in the toe and heel area. Otherwise, a long walk in these shoes will make not only your feet and legs sore, but also your back.
Check how the shoes smell.
Low-quality and cheap shoes often have a strong chemical odor. It’s best to refrain from buying this pair. But if shoes or boots exude the scent of leather, polish or wood, you’ve found the shoes of high quality.
Take a photo of the shoes.
Of course, shoes made of synthetic materials can also be of high quality, especially when it comes to sports models. But good shoes should ideally be made of leather. They are softer and fit better on the foot, which means they will be much more comfortable to wear.
However, the quality of leather also varies. Often, manufacturers don’t mention the type of leather they use to make shoes in order to keep costs down. To determine the quality of the product you are holding in your hands, you need to take a photo of the shoes and enlarge the image. If you can see pores on the leather, you can safely buy the shoes.
Bend the shoe a little bit.
You don’t need to knead your shoes too much, but you can bend the shoe slightly to see how flexible the sole is and whether it remains attached to the upper part when moved. In addition, it’s worth pressing the sides of the shoe a little bit. Throughout the day, our feet usually increase in size a little, so a quality pair should adapt to these changes.
Check how your shoes sound.
Most shoe shops have soft carpeting on the floor, so it’s a good idea to take a short walk on a harder surface before making a purchase. If the soles and heels make unpleasant clanking noises when you walk, you are likely to be wearing a low-quality pair. And platform or wedge shoes shouldn’t sound like there are voids inside the sole.
Examine the material of the sole and heel carefully.
Usually the sole of a really good quality pair is made of leather or good rubber. These shoes are comfortable to wear, and in addition, they almost don’t slip. At the same time, if the base of the sole is uneven, then these shoes will be uncomfortable.
In addition, it’s worth examining the material from which the heels are made. If the manufacturer used plastic or didn’t cover the heel with leather or fabric, then you are looking at a cheap product that is far from being perfect.
Rub the shoes with a cloth.
Sometimes manufacturers use poor quality leather dyes, which can leave marks on the skin or clothes. Therefore, before buying, you should carefully rub the shoes inside and outside, first with a dry cloth and then with a damp cloth. If there are no marks on the fabric, the shoes are okay.
And here’s a list of fashionable shoes that are not as cool as they look.
Leave a Reply