At 37, I thought I could finally date in peace until my Mom crashed dinner with a list of rules… and somehow ended up on a date with my boyfriend.
I always knew I had a mom. But sometimes, it felt like my mom was my whole life. I was 37, but that didn’t stop her from asking me every single day:
“Are you wearing warm socks?” or “Are you sure he looked at you with respect and not… interest?”
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I worked in a museum, adored art history, lived in my own apartment, had a bank account, and had two degrees… Yet every time I saw “Mom calling” on my phone, I instinctively straightened my posture.
She controlled everything. From when I should go to bed to what color I painted my nails.
Once, I ordered salmon delivery, and 20 minutes later, she called.
“I saw him go into your house. Was that him?”
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“Mom, are you spying on my house?”
“I just sat in the car nearby. In case of suspicious movement.”
She had binoculars. And a notebook. She called it “just in case.”
As a child, it was cute. At 20, it got annoying. By 30, I began to question our “normal.”
At 37, I met Theo.
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For the first time in my life, I didn’t tell her right away.
It was my first grown-up secret. And, of course, it lasted exactly three days. Until Mom ruined everything.
But I’ll tell you that in a moment.
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***
I was preparing for my dinner with Theo. I baked a pie I found online, not from Mom’s sacred recipe book.
Even if it came out a bit burnt and the chicken was a little dry — those were my mistakes. My life.
I could already imagine my mother’s face if she saw the meal — a guaranteed explosion. I smiled quietly to myself while checking the candles.
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A week earlier, she declared, “I want to meet him. In person. At my house. At the table. With my questions.”
“Mom, let me be an adult for once. I’ll decide when to introduce you.”
She backed off for once. It felt odd, but I didn’t think much of it. Big mistake.
That night, Theo came over for the first time. He brought tulips, non-alcoholic wine (knowing I was tired after work), and a cake from the bakery I always visit during lunch.
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“I just wanted to get everything right,” he smiled, setting the plates.
“Theo, with you, it always feels right.”
Something warm and calm bloomed in my chest. We talked for hours. Laughed. Dreamed.
“Imagine… a little house by an old lighthouse,” he said.
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“And in the basement — an archive of old love letters.”
“You’d preserve them, and I’d write new ones.”
Candles were burning low. Music hummed softly. He touched my hand.
“I thought after all the heartbreaks, nothing would ever happen again. And then you came along…”
And at that exact moment…
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“ACHOO!”
From the closet. We froze.
“You’re not alone?” Theo shot me a look.
I got up. Opened the closet.
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“Mooom?!”
She sat in the dark. With a headlamp. And a thermos.
“What… what are you doing?!”
“Oh, hi! I was just checking if you’re storing things in your closet without lavender,” she mumbled, not even trying to sound convincing.
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“You broke into my apartment?!”
“I was just making sure. Listening. Evaluating. I didn’t interfere!”
Theo, somehow, still managed to smile politely.
“Good evening. I’m Theo. Very nice to meet you.”
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“Theo. Short. Like most male patients,” Mom said, sitting on the couch. “Sit. Let’s get to know each other.”
I wanted to run. But Theo sat down. Bravely.
And the interrogation began.
“Do you have a job?”
“Yes. I teach literature…”
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“Do you work 9 to 5?”
“Flexible hours.”
“So, no structure. Got it. Do you drink alcohol?”
“A glass of wine, sometimes…”
“Sometimes means regularly.”
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“Mom…”
“Quiet, Eliza. I’m asking.”
Then she turned back to him again, “How many women before my daughter?”
“I… excuse me?”
“Are you deaf?”
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“No, I just think that’s a bit…”
“You should always think. Before approaching a woman with serious intentions.”
Theo looked at me. As if to ask, “Is this a joke?”
I tried to say with my eyes, “No. This is my life.”
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Mom stood up. “Now, a test.”
“What?” we both said.
“Wipe the table. With a sponge. No streaks. If there’s even one mark — you’re not for her.”
“Mom, enough!”
I was desperate and angry. But to my greatest surprise…
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Theo stood up, went to the kitchen, found the sponge… and wiped. It was perfect. She checked the surface and ran her finger across.
“Hmm. Survived. For now.”
Then, Mom dramatically handed Theo a paper. He smiled while skimming it, then slowly, he frowned before handing it to me.
“I think I should go. I’ll call you.”
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He left. Just like that. I finally looked down at the letters she wrote in thick black marker.
RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGTER
1. Have a job.
2. Understand I don’t like you.
3. I am EVERYWHERE.
4. You make HER cry — I make YOU cry.
5. Be home 30 min early.
6. SHE is my PRINCESS. Not your conquest.
7. I don’t mind going to jail.
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Daugter. With a typo. That said it all.
“Mom, it’s time for you to go.”
“Oh, sweetie, if he leaves at the first sign of trouble, is he even a man?”
“He didn’t leave me. He said he’d call.”
“Same thing.”
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“Maybe he just didn’t enjoy being around you?”
“You’re overreacting.”
“You crossed the line, Mom! Please, leave. I want to be alone.”
Mom’s words echoed in my head.
Has Theo really left… forever?
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***
Three days passed. No texts. No calls. I caved and sent him a short message:
“I’m sorry for how everything went. You didn’t deserve that.”
Seen. No reply.
And then — a knock at the door. I opened it, my heart racing. It was him and he was there with flowers.
“Come on. I’ve planned a date… for you and your Mom.”
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I blinked. “What?”
“Just trust me.”
We picked up my Mom. She barely got in the car before starting her usual commentary.
“Where are we going? I have to defrost the freezer!”
“Surprise,” Theo smiled.
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The first stop? His lecture.
Mom and I sat in the back. Theo stood in front of a class full of students, talking about love in literature.
“To be with someone doesn’t always feel poetic. But it’s always worth it.”
“Oh, I might fall asleep here,” Mom whispered.
“Mom. Shhh.”
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“If he’s trying to seduce us both with lectures — he failed.”
I gave her a look. But I held on. I knew this wasn’t all Theo had planned.
Next stop — a boat ride. On the lake, with a plaid blanket, strawberries, and tea in a thermos. (Yes, the exact tea Mom liked. He remembered.)
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“Yet another romantic coma,” Mom muttered, but this time, she was chuckling.
As we floated, Theo turned to her gently.
“So, Barbara. What are your hobbies?”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Hobbies? Suspicion. Avoiding scams. Crosswords when I can’t sleep.”
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“I bet you’re good at them.”
“I once found three typos in The New York Times. Sent them a letter. And you didn’t find one.”
“You planted that typo?”
“Of course, sweetie — it was a test for your Theo.”
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“A test? For spelling? Mom, he’s a university professor!”
“No, more like a test for politeness,” she smirked. “He passed.”
Then she leaned to move closer to the edge… and slipped.
SPLASH.
She fell right into the water. I gasped. Then, she laughed so hard I nearly joined her.
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“YOU LAUGHING? I COULD DROWN!”
Theo jumped in without hesitation. Swam straight to her, helped her out, and wrapped her in a blanket. Soaked, shivering, furious — but secretly touched. Back on land, she was about to stomp away.
“I need to go home. I’m done.”
Theo calmly said, “There’s a sports store nearby. Time for a wardrobe refresh.”
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He disappeared. Came back ten minutes later with two matching athletic outfits. One for me. One for Mom. She held hers suspiciously.
“How did you guess my size?”
“Easy. You’re built perfectly for a Medium. Athletic and classic.”
She smiled. Barely. Quietly. But I saw it. She loved attention.
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We changed. And then — the climbing wall.
“Last challenge, I promise,” Theo grinned. “Climbing wall. One climbs, the other keeps the rope. Trust exercise.”
“Oh no. I’m 60!”
“Exactly. Perfect age for adventure.”
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To my absolute shock, Mom went first. Halfway up, she shouted:
“THEO! IF I FALL — I’M HAUNTING YOU!”
She didn’t fall. She reached the top. And when she came down, her eyes were gleaming.
“Okay, professor. Not bad.”
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“To end the day,” Theo said, “I’d like to make you both dinner. My place.”
Mom looked at me. “I have no choice. I need to see where this man lives. Maybe I’ll discover his secret lair.”
***
Theo’s house was beautiful. Clean. Warm. It smelled like citrus and cedar. I’d never been there before. And I was stunned.
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“Did you buy this on a teacher’s salary or rob a bank?” Mom asked, peeking into the kitchen.
“Started saving in high school. Plus I teach online courses on the side. Hard work pays off.”
“Well, look at you,” she muttered. Then, louder, “Does the fridge clean itself, or are you just this weird?”
Theo just laughed.
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We sat on the terrace. Theo grilled steaks nearby while the sun dipped low. Mom leaned back. Actually relaxed.
“You know… he’s not so bad, honey.”
“Really? Wow. Mom, you’re on fire today.”
“I was too distrustful. Because your father left. And I didn’t want you to get burned like I did.”
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“But Mom, it’s my life. I need to make my own mistakes. Walk my own path.”
“Theo is wonderful. It’s obvious he loves you. I mean, he jumped in a lake to save his future mother-in-law.”
We both laughed.
“And he could’ve dropped me on that climbing wall. But he didn’t. That’s some nerve control.”
Theo joined us, carrying two plates.
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“Hungry?”
“Always,” Mom said.
“Even for this? Because I have one more course.”
Theo knelt on one knee.
“Eliza, these past three months have been the best of my life. You’ve brought color back into everything. And your mom… we’re friends now.”
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“Almost,” Mom added.
“Not even the rule list could scare me away. I want to share my home, my life… all of it. And yes, even see your mom — but no more than twice a week.”
He laughed. I gasped.
“Will you marry me?”
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I blinked. Heart racing.
“Sweetheart,” Mom nudged me. “I’d have said yes already.”
“YES. Of course — yes!”
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***
Mom changed.
She started Pilates, bought her first floral swimsuit, and we no longer lived in a co-dependent loop. We were separate but always family.
Finally, our coffee dates felt like chats between old friends.
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She told me about her fitness class. I told her how Theo’d forgotten to take out the trash and called it a “creative delay.”
I finally became myself. And I think — she also did.
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Rare facts about the astonishing Melanie Griffith
Melanie Griffith’s life has been quite a rollercoaster. The iconic actress, daughter of actress Tippi Hedren, made her debut on the screen at age 12 – and since then, she’s starred in several big productions.
While Melanie Griffith’s career kept rolling, her private life was very much in focus. She’s been married three times – including to Antonio Banderas – been in rehab, and raised three children.
Melanie Griffith’s children from her first two marriages – Alexander Bauer and Dakota Johnson – had a pretty rough upbringing, especially considering that they had to go through having a mother who was in a terrible place at the time…
Melanie Griffith really had something in the ’80s. She was erotic and sexual in a way that European actresses sometimes are and American actresses almost always are not. And she could act, even though I don’t think Melanie ever truly realized her potential.
I loved her in the movie Working Girl and Paradise!
She was born on August 9, 1957, in New York City to parents Peter Griffith and superstar actress Tippi Hedren, most commonly known for her role in the Hitchcock classic, The Birds.
In hindsight, Griffith’s life has been rather incredible. However, it’s been tragic at the same time. The famous actress, who became known for playing strong-but-sexy characters, has been involved in a car accident, battled with drinking problems, and went through three divorces.
From the start of her life, she was exposed to the pressure of a life in show business. Her mother, Tippi, was, as mentioned, a superstar, and her childhood was extravagant in a very special way – even by Hollywood standards.
When Griffith was seven years old, her mother married agent and producer Noah Marshall. After coming back from a trip to Africa, the couple decided to make a film about lions. An animal trainer gave them a unique idea: to get to know the big cat better, they could welcome one into their home.
So, Melanie Griffith grew up with a pet lion, living with them in the 1970s at their home in Los Angeles, California.
”I grew up with lions, tigers, and two elephants,” Griffith said.
The pet lion, Neil, lived together with the family. Life Magazine documented the extraordinary event, with pictures showing Hedren resting on Neil’s back. The lion even slept under blankets in Melanie Griffith’s bed.
”It was stupid beyond belief,” Griffith later explained.
Even though she wasn’t involved in any incidents with Neil, years later, in another encounter, things didn’t end that well.
Met Don Johnson at 14
Melanie Griffith starred in her first commercial before she turned one. She continued to do commercials and modeling work for some years, and at 12, she made her debut in Extra!, even though she was uncredited.
At the age of 14, she appeared in The Harrad Experiment, and on set, she met her first big love. Griffith met actor Don Johnson on set, and the two fell madly in love. At the time, however, their age difference was somewhat controversial. Don Johnson was 22 at the time – eight years older than Melanie – but their love for one another didn’t stop them.
”I thought he was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen,” Griffith said.
Her mother feared for the two because of her age but eventually gave in. At 15, Melanie Griffith moved in with Don Johnson, and on her 18th birthday, the two got engaged.
”They were two beautiful, wonderful people, and here, my daughter was showing signs that I had never seen before in her, with an older man, and there was just sheer panic,” her mother, Tippi Hedren, recalled.
Griffith and Johnson tied the knot in Las Vegas in 1976. And, after just six months of marriage, the two split. However, they would rekindle their romance later on, exchanging vows a second time in 1989.
Melanie Griffith lion accident
Melanie Griffith started her promising acting career in the 1970s, starring in films such as Night Moves and Joyride.
In 1981, Melanie Griffith starred in the film Roar. Even though her mother and stepfather raised lions to shoot a film, things turned out ugly on the set of Roar. It was very dangerous being in front of the camera, and Melanie got injured.
She was mauled near the eye, and she feared losing her sight. She needed plastic surgery, while her mother Tippi Hedren contracted gangrene and needed skin grafts, according to a piece in the New Yorker.
As reported by The Guardian, Melanie Griffith said that the lioness ”didn’t mean to hurt me. Just, after seven years growing up with the lions, I forgot you have to be careful. You can never be sure you’re safe, and just a blow can pop your head like a ping pong ball.”
Melanie Griffith came through the scary incident. She continued to star in movies, however, without any live wild animals. She appeared in Body Double, Something Wild, and The Working Girl, among others, with the last one earning her an Academy Award nomination in 1989.
In the 1980s, Melanie Griffith also found love for the second time. She married actor Steven Bauer in 1981, and four years later, they welcomed a son, Alexander Bauer.
Melanie Griffith – daughter Dakota Johnson
Their relationship lasted until 1989 when the couple divorced – with Griffith finding love in Don Johnson again. They divorced again in 1996, after welcoming daughter and now actress Dakota Johnson in 1989.
”You have to understand that we have a tie, and I love him,” Melanie Griffith said and added:
”I will always love [Don Johnson]. But just because you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you can live with them.”
Dakota Johnson has become a prominent actress, starring in Fifty Shades of Grey and The Social Network. But because her parents divorced when she was only seven years old, she had a turbulent childhood. She moved around plenty, went to several different schools, and was even homeschooled for a while.
She was often hanging around her parents on film sets from a young age. It made her want to become an actress as well, which she did.
However, the childhood of Dakota Johnson was also filled with much trouble because of her family situation. As a result, she started to go to therapy at age three.
“The whole shebang,” Dakota Johnson told Vogue. “All the help you can get.”
Melanie Griffith – marriage to Antonio Banderas
”I was so consistently unmoored and discombobulated, I didn’t have an anchor anywhere, I never learned how to learn the way you’re supposed to as a kid. I thought, ‘Why do I have to go to school on time? What’s the point when you’re living in Budapest for six months while your stepdad films Evita and you go to school in your hotel room?’ I was a disaster, and I thought for so long that there was something wrong with my brain. Now I realize that it just works in a different way.”
Dakota Johnson’s childhood could’ve become the thing that put her on the wrong foot. However, a new person soon entered her life, who changed everything. Just as she mentioned, she needed an anchor. And that was precisely what she got in her stepfather, Antonio Banderas.
In 1996, the same year as Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson split, Banderas also went through a divorce with Ana Leza, whom he’d been married to for nine years. He had long admired Melanie Griffith after seeing her in Gone Girl and on the red carpet at the Academy Awards.
“The first time I went to the Academy Awards after we got a nomination for Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, we got on the red carpet, and I saw this blonde woman, and I knew her because I saw movies of her, but I didn’t remember [her name] at the time,” Banderas told Vulture.
“So, I said to [director Pedro Almodóvar] ‘Who is she? Who is she? What is her name?’ Pedro said, ‘That’s Melanie Griffith!’ I said, ‘That’s it. Oh my God.’ Six years later, I was married to her.”
Dakota Johnson’s relationship with stepfather Antonio Banderas
The two met while filming the comedy film Two Much in 1995, and they had one actual thing in common. Both were unhappy in their marriages – and Banderas and Griffith recognized each other’s situations.
Antonio Banderas instantly felt an attraction to Melanie Griffith when working together. He thought she was funny, generous, sweet, and beautiful, and after Two Much, the two stayed in touch. In May 1996, the two tied the knot and welcomed daughter Stella later the same year.
Not only did Antonio Banderas become a father to Stella, but the well-respected actor also became a stepfather to Alexander – from her second marriage to Steven Bauer – and Dakota Johnson.
For both Alexander and Dakota, Antonio Banderas became vital, as they finally got a stepfather who was there for her all the time.
In the beginning, however, Banderas explained that it was difficult for the children to accept him because they didn’t know how long he’d stick around.
“I was totally inexperienced. Suddenly I had a 6-year-old girl, a 10-year-old boy, and Stella came along almost immediately,” he told AARP. “I was, ‘Oh, my God!’ But as soon as the kids knew that I was there to stay, they were fine. They needed solid ground in which they could grow. As soon as I realized that, I started establishing my relationship, giving them security, little by little doing the father thing.”
Changed Dakota Johnson’s life
Dakota and Alexander realized that Antonio Banderas was not a temporary man. He took on the role of their stepfather and helped them in any way possible.
For Dakota, this was especially important. Her childhood had been more than stressful and uncertain. In Banderas, she got a stepfather that taught her many things, including “true passion and discipline.”
In 2011, he revealed that the kids call him “Paponio, “which is a mix of “Papa” and “Antonio.”
During an award ceremony in 2019, when Antonio Banderas received the Hollywood Actor Award, Dakota Johnson and Melanie Griffith presented him with the trophy.
”I come from a family of many a marriage, and I got very lucky,” Johnson said in her speech.
”I got a bonus dad who I realized that, over time, is actually one of the most influential people in my whole life. When I was six years old, my mother married a man who brought an unbelievably bright light, a whole new world of creativity and culture, and one remarkably magical little sister into our family.”
”He loved my mother, and my siblings and I so big, and so fiercely and so loud, that it would change all of our lives together,” Dakota added in her speech.
Strong bond to this day
The relationship between Antonio Banderas and his stepchildren continued to be strong even after he and Melanie Griffith divorced in 2014.
Even though Melanie Griffith and Antonio aren’t married anymore, their family bond will forever be strong. As of today, Banderas is in a relationship with Nicole Kimpel. But as soon as he is in Los Angeles, he makes sure to spend time with his stepchildren and ex-wife.
The divorce between the two in 2014 wasn’t dramatic at all, for which his stepchildren were very grateful, Banderas explained.
He added that he will always cherish the time he and Melanie had together – and that he always will love her. And regarding his stepdaughter, Dakota Johnson, he is like her biological, very proud father.
“I remember those years as very effervescent and really beautiful. I am not married with Melanie anymore, but she is my family. She is probably one of my best friends, if not the best friend that I have. My family is there, Dakota [Johnson], Little Estella and Alexander,” Antonio Banderas told Vulture in 2019.
”I met her when she was five years old,” he added. “I followed every single step of it. I’m so proud of her. I saw her the other day in Toronto, and she looks — as I said in the social networks when I put a picture of her and myself, I put there, ‘My radiant Dakota.’”
Melanie Griffith today
At 65, Melanie Griffith is happily single. Her last appearance on the big screen was in 2020, when she had a minor role and co-starred alongside her daughter Dakota in The High Note.
Today, she devotes her time to her family, and according to BestLife, Melanie is currently writing her memoir. And there will probably be a lot to pen down – including her battle against cancer.
The actress was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2010, and eight years later, she revealed that she had been diagnosed with cancer.
Doctors had to remove a cancerous cell on her nose, the whole event took a toll on Melanie.
“It’s a scary thing when you’re an actress and you depend on your face for work,” the actress told InStyle and continued:
“But I realize I have to put a Band-Aid on it, and it’s fine. I just look like a dork.”
Luckily, everything went fine in the end – Melanie is now a loud advocate of cancer and also supports the efforts of Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.
You can say what you want about Melanie’s looks and her turbulent life, but she does seem to have a really sweet soul!
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