Marriage has its ups and downs, but there’s always space for laughter. The daily moments between husbands and wives can be heartwarming and funny, as shown in these jokes.
From surprising notes to clever replies, these seven jokes showcase the playful side of marriage. Whether you’re married or just enjoy a good laugh, these stories will make you nod in agreement and chuckle at their unexpected turns.
1 The Note Under the Bed
In any marriage, there can be moments of frustration, especially when one spouse feels unappreciated. This joke takes that idea to the extreme when a wife tries to teach her husband a lesson with a note, only to be shocked by his reaction.
A woman, upset that her husband was late coming home again, left a note saying, “I’ve had enough and left you. Don’t bother looking for me.” She then hid under the bed to see how he would react.
After a short time, the husband came home. She could hear him in the kitchen and saw him go to the dresser to pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it and called someone.
“She’s finally gone… Yes, I know, about time, right? I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy nightie. I love you… Can’t wait to see you… We’ll do all the fun things you like.”
He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left. When she came out from under the bed, furious and in tears, she grabbed the note to see what he wrote…
“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”
2 The Pharmacist’s Explanation
Sometimes, simple misunderstandings can blow up, leading to confrontations. This joke humorously shows how quickly a situation can escalate when assumptions are made, only for the truth to make everyone laugh.
When a husband came home, he found his wife crying. She said, “The pharmacist insulted me on the phone this morning!”
Angry, the husband drove to the pharmacy to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. But before he could speak, the pharmacist said, “Wait, let me explain. This morning, my alarm didn’t go off, and I woke up late.”
“I skipped breakfast and rushed to the car, only to realize I locked my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then I drove too fast and got a speeding ticket. While driving to work, I had a flat tire. By the time I opened the pharmacy, there was already a line. And the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.”
He added, “I had to break a roll of coins to make change, but they spilled everywhere. When I stood up, I hit my head on the cash drawer, and all the perfume bottles fell and broke. Then the phone rang, and it was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer, and all I did was tell her.”
3 The Family Secret
Family secrets can be surprising and funny. In this joke, a young man is excited about his upcoming marriage until his father reveals some shocking news, leading to a hilarious twist.
One Sunday morning, George rushed into the living room and shouted, “Dad! Mom! I have great news! I’m marrying the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan.”
Later, George’s dad pulled him aside and said, “Son, we need to talk. Look at your mom. We’ve been married for 30 years. She’s a great wife and mom, but she’s not very exciting. I used to cheat on her, and Susan is your half-sister, so you can’t marry her.”
George was heartbroken. After eight months, he started dating again. A year later, he proudly said, “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again, his father pulled him aside to share more bad news. “Diane is your half-sister too, George. I’m sorry.”
George was furious! He went to his mother with what his father said. “Dad is ruining my life. I guess I’ll never get married. Every time I like a girl, Dad says she’s my half-sister.”
His mother laughed and said, “Don’t listen to him. He’s not really your father.”
4 The Fried Eggs Incident
Everyday tasks like cooking breakfast can lead to funny arguments between spouses. This joke turns a simple breakfast into a humorous look at how we all sometimes feel the need to give advice, especially when the roles are reversed.
A wife was making fried eggs for breakfast when her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful!” he said. “Put in more butter! You’re cooking too many at once! Turn them! We need more butter! Oh no, they’re going to stick! Be careful! You never listen to me when you cook! Hurry! Don’t forget to salt them!”
The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry eggs?”
The husband calmly replied, “Sure you do. I just wanted to show you how it feels when I’m driving.”
5 The Supermarket Strategy
Shopping in a busy supermarket can be stressful, especially if you lose track of your spouse. This joke shows how resourceful one husband can be when looking for his wife, with a touch of humor.
In a supermarket, Ivan lost sight of his wife. He approached a young lady and asked, “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the lady, confused by Ivan’s request.
“It’s always the same. As soon as I start talking to a pretty woman, my wife pops up out of nowhere.”
The Flu Revelation
Being stuck at home with the flu is never fun, but this joke shows how a man’s sickness revealed his wife’s true feelings in a surprising and funny way. Sometimes love can be found in unexpected situations.
A man visited a friend who had been sick with the flu for weeks.
“How was it?” the man asked.
“Surprisingly wonderful,” the friend replied.
“How so?” the man asked.
“Well, I found out how much my wife loves me and how happy she is to have me home.”
“How do you know?”
“Every time the postman, the milkman, or the trash collector comes by, she runs out shouting, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”
The Late-Night Approach
Sometimes sneaking in late after a night out doesn’t go as planned. In this joke, two husbands compare how they deal with their wives when they come home late, revealing that a more direct approach can be the best way.
Two married friends were out drinking when one said, “I don’t know what to do. When I come home after drinking, I turn off the headlights before I get to the driveway. I coast into the garage, take off my shoes before entering the house, sneak upstairs, change in the bathroom, and slip into bed, and my wife still wakes up and yells at me for staying out too late!”
His friend replied, “You’re doing it wrong. I drive into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, flush the toilet loudly, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, and jump into bed saying, ‘Do you want to make love?’ And every time, she acts like she’s sound asleep!”
My granddaughter evicted me for getting married at 80 – Unable to tolerate the disrespect, I decided to teach her a lesson
When my granddaughter threw me out after I got married at 80, I decided I couldn’t condone the disrespect. With my new husband, Harold, we devised a daring plan to teach her a lesson she’ll never forget, leading to a confrontation that would change our family forever.
I never thought I’d be telling this story, but here we are. My name is Margaret, and I turned 80 last spring. I lived in a cozy room in my granddaughter Ashley’s house. It was small, but I made it my own — filled it with memories and mementos from my past life.
“Morning, Grandma,” Ashley said one bright Saturday, barging into my room without knocking. She never knocked.
“Morning, dear,” I replied, folding my quilt. “What’s the rush?”
“We’re heading out to the park with the kids. Need anything?
“No, I’m fine. Go enjoy your day.”
She left in a hurry, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I couldn’t complain much — after all, I had sold my house to pay for her college. Her parents died in a car crash when she was just 15.
I took her in and did my best to give her a good life. Now she lived here with her husband, Brian, and their two children. Their home was spacious, lively, and often noisy.
Life took an interesting turn at the community center a few months back. I met Harold. He was charming, with a camera slung around his neck. We started talking, and before I knew it, I was looking forward to our meetings. It was like a second chance at love.
One afternoon, while Ashley was at work, I decided to share my news. I found her in the kitchen later that evening, pouring over some recipe book.
“Ashley, I have something to tell you,” I began.
She glanced up, “What’s up, Grandma?”
“I’ve met someone. His name is Harold, and… well, he proposed.”
She stared at me, eyebrows raised. “Proposed? As in marriage?”
“Yes,” I said, unable to hide my smile. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Her reaction wasn’t what I expected. “Grandma, you’re 80. You’re too old for a wedding dress and all that. And Harold can’t move in here.”
I was taken aback. “Why not? We have plenty of space.”
“This is our home. We need our privacy.”
I tried to reason with her, but she wouldn’t listen. The next morning, she packed my belongings and set them by the door.
“Ashley, what are you doing?” I asked, tears welling up.
“You need to go, Grandma. Find somewhere else to live. Maybe Harold can take you in.”
I couldn’t believe it. After everything I had done for her — raising her, selling my house — she was kicking me out. I felt so betrayed as I stood there, looking at the boxes of my life packed up like unwanted clutter.
I didn’t have many options, so I called Harold. When I told him what happened, he was furious.
“She did what?” he shouted. “Margaret, get your things together, I’m coming to fetch you right now. You’re coming to stay with me.”
I hesitated. “I don’t want to be a burden.”
“You’re not a burden. You’re my future wife, and we’re in this together.”
With no other choice, I loaded my things into Harold’s car. As we drove away, I looked back at Ashley’s house, my heart heavy with disappointment.
At Harold’s, things felt different. He welcomed me with open arms, making me feel at home. We spent our days planning our future, but the hurt from Ashley’s betrayal lingered.
“We’ll teach her a lesson,” Harold said one evening, determination in his eyes. “She needs to understand respect.”
I didn’t know how we’d do it, but I trusted Harold. He had a way of making everything seem possible.
“Alright,” I agreed. “Let’s show her what we’re made of.”
And so, the plan began.
Harold and I spent countless evenings planning our next move. Harold, being a renowned photographer, had an idea to reach Ashley through her passion. She loved photography, and the annual local photographer’s gathering was something she wouldn’t miss for the world.
“Margaret,” Harold said one night, “I’ve got a ticket for the gathering. Ashley won’t be able to resist — I’ll courier the ticket to her, anonymously.”
I nodded, feeling excited. “Let’s do it.”
Before the gathering, Harold and I got married in a small, intimate ceremony.
Harold insisted on taking photographs. He captured my happiness and the glow of a second chance at love. The photos were breathtaking, showing the joy in my eyes and the love between us.
The day of the photography event arrived, and Ashley, as predicted, attended. She didn’t know we were behind her invitation. Harold and I stood backstage, waiting for our moment. The anticipation was almost too much to bear, but we were determined to see it through.
The host called Harold on stage to present his award-winning photographs. As Harold walked out, the room buzzed with admiration. Then, the portraits of me in my wedding dress appeared on the big screen.
Gasps filled the room as the audience saw the radiant joy on my face. The images were stunning, capturing not just the beauty of the moment, but the depth of emotion behind it.
Harold stated: “I found love at 79, proving age is just a number. Margaret, my beautiful wife, has a youthful spirit and a heart full of love.”
I could see Ashley in the front row, her face turning red with embarrassment. Harold handed me the microphone, and I stepped forward, my heart pounding.
“Good evening,” I started. “I want to tell you about sacrifices and love. When my granddaughter, Ashley’s, parents died, I sold my house to pay for her education. I raised her as my own. But recently, she forgot that love and respect.”
The audience was silent, their attention on me. “Ashley,” I continued, looking directly at her, “I still love you despite the hurt. But you needed to learn the value of respect.”
Ashley’s eyes filled with tears. She looked down, clearly feeling the weight of her actions.
Harold then spoke again, “Margaret and I decided to share our story to show that love and respect know no age. Family should be about support and understanding.”
The audience burst into applause, admiration evident in throughout the hall. After the event, Ashley approached us, tears streaming down her face.
“Grandma, Harold,” she began, her voice shaking, “I’m so sorry. I was wrong and disrespectful. Can you ever forgive me?”
Harold and I shared a glance before I pulled Ashley into a hug. “Of course, dear. We love you. We just needed you to understand.”
She invited us to a family dinner, promising to support my happiness and never take me for granted again. We accepted, hopeful for a new beginning.
That evening, we joined Ashley and her family. The atmosphere was warm, filled with genuine attempts to rebuild our relationships. Laughter and conversation flowed easily, and for the first time in a long while, I felt truly at peace.
During dinner, Ashley turned to me. “Grandma, I didn’t realize how much I hurt you. I was selfish and ungrateful.”
“It’s okay, Ashley,” I said, placing my hand on hers. “What’s important is that we move forward together.”
Brian, Ashley’s husband, who had been mostly silent, chimed in: “We’re glad you’re happy, Margaret. Harold, you seem like a good man. We’re lucky to have you both in our lives.”
Harold smiled. “Thank you, Brian. We’re happy to be here.”
The children, sensing the positive change, started showing us their latest drawings and school projects. It was a joyous sight, a family coming together again. The warmth in the room was palpable, and I felt a renewed sense of belonging.
As the evening progressed, Harold shared more stories about our adventures and how we met. Ashley listened intently, occasionally wiping away tears. It was clear she was genuinely remorseful and wanted to make amends.
After dinner, as we sipped tea in the living room, Ashley turned to me again. “Grandma, I want you to move back in with us. We have plenty of space, and I promise things will be different.”
I looked at Harold, who nodded in agreement. “We appreciate the offer, Ashley, but Harold and I have our own place now. We’ll visit often, though.”
Ashley smiled, a bit sad but understanding. “I get it. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” I assured her. “And so are you. That’s all that matters.”
As we left that night, the moon casting a gentle glow over everything, I reflected on the importance of self-love and standing up for oneself. Life’s unexpected joys often come when we least expect them.
And as I looked around the table, I felt grateful for the second chance at happiness and the family that, despite everything, remained dear to my heart.
Harold and I drove home in silence, both lost in our thoughts. When we finally arrived, he took my hand and said, “We did it, Margaret. We really did it.”
I smiled, feeling a sense of accomplishment and relief. “Yes, we did. And it’s just the beginning.”
Harold kissed my hand, and we walked into our home, ready for whatever the future held. Our love and determination had taught Ashley a valuable lesson, and in turn, brought us all closer. It was a new chapter, filled with hope and endless possibilities.
What would you have done?
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