A vet has warned how a ‘hug’ can make a dog feel, and it’s not necessarily what you would expect
A vet has warned that it could be a bad idea to ‘hug’ your dog, as it could have the opposite effect on them to what us humans feel.
There’s nothing nicer than coming home from a long day at work to your furry friend scurrying as fast as they can to the door to greet you.
Your natural reaction is usually to bend down and give them a big cuddle, and whilst it might look like they’re loving every second – it might not be what they’re really feeling.
Dog experts are now warning owners to find different ways of showing their love.
According to a vet who spoke to Psychology Today, a hug can actually make a dog feel quite anxious and trapped – this is because a dog’s primary defence is to run away.
Psychologist Stanley Coren explained: “Yes, your dog may leap into your lap and kiss your face, cuddle against your neck, and beg you to rub her belly.
“But that’s not ‘hugging.’
“In my experience, many dogs don’t enjoy having a human move one or two arms around their shoulders and squeeze.
“That’s the hug we are talking about.”
Behaviour Vets author Lauren Novack believes dogs who do enjoy hugs are a complete ‘exception’, reports Daily Paws.
She said: “When dogs don’t like something and politely ask for space over and over again to no avail, they’re likely to escalate their communication to growling or biting.
“I don’t want dogs to be stressed, and I don’t want humans to get bitten. For most dogs, hugs are stressful.”
Stanley previously analysed 250 photos of dogs being given hugs, and he found that in 80% of the images, the dogs showed signs of looking stressed.
And he noted that this can be indicated by a dog lowers their ears, closing their eyes, or turning away from the source of anxiety.
And the psychologist has now revealed some much better alternatives.
He said: “The clear recommendation to come out of this research is to save your hugs for your two-footed family members and lovers.
“It is clearly better from the dog’s point of view if you express your fondness for your pet with a pat, a kind word, and maybe a treat.”
And the last thing we want to do is upset our furry babies, so we’re definitely going to take this advice on board!
I Helped Plan a Family Cruise for My Dad and Stepmom & They Invited Me Too—I Didn’t Know They’d Turn Me Into the Nanny
I thought joining my dad and stepmom on a family cruise would bring us closer. Instead, I found myself stuck in a tiny cabin with two kids and a long list of responsibilities no one warned me about.
It started with a phone call. I was cleaning my tiny apartment when my phone buzzed. Linda’s name lit up the screen.
A woman talking on her phone at home | Source: Pexels
“Hey, sweetheart,” she said, sounding tired. “I’m calling with a big favor.”
I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder. “Sure. What’s going on?”
“We’re just… overwhelmed,” she sighed. “Your dad’s exhausted. I haven’t had a break in years. We need to get away.”
“A vacation?” I asked.
A woman talking on her phone | Source: Pexels
“Yes! A cruise. Something easy. Family-friendly. Relaxing. You’re so good at planning trips — would you help us put something together?”
I smiled. “Of course. I’d love to.”
She laughed softly. “Knew I could count on you.”
A smiling woman talking on her phone with her back facing the camera | Source: Pexels
I hung up feeling good. My dad remarried Linda a few years ago. Things had been… okay. Not perfect. She had two young daughters from her first marriage — Lily and Sophie. Sweet girls, but I never quite felt like I fit in.
Still, I wanted to try. This cruise could be something special. Something we could all share.
I opened my laptop that night and got to work.
A woman writing while working on her laptop | Source: Pexels
I spent the whole week researching. I read reviews. Compared cruise lines. Checked kid clubs and menus. Looked up excursions, water parks, quiet spaces. I even called the cruise line twice to ask about child care and cabins.
Everything was planned around them — Linda, my dad, and the girls.
When I emailed Linda the itinerary, she called right away.
“This is perfect,” she said. “You really thought of everything. You’ve always been so responsible.”
A smiling mature woman talking on her phone | Source: Pexels
I felt warm inside. Then she added, “You should come with us! It’ll be a great family memory. And after all the work you’ve done, you deserve it.”
I paused.
“You’re sure?” I asked.
“Of course! We’d love to have you.”
A happy woman talking on her phone | Source: Pexels
I was touched. I hadn’t had a real vacation in years.
So, I booked my own ticket. Paid for everything myself. No expectations. I was just excited to be included.
The day of the cruise arrived. I rolled my suitcase into the terminal and spotted them waving near the check-in line. My dad smiled. Linda wore a floppy sunhat. Lily and Sophie had little backpacks with dolphins on them.
A smiling girl on a cruise ship | Source: Midjourney
“There she is!” Linda called. “Our planner! Our lifesaver!”
I laughed. “I’m just glad we made it.”
The ship was beautiful. Huge. White and shining in the sun. I could already smell the ocean.
As we stepped on board, I felt like this was going to be something good. After check-in, Linda pulled me aside.
A serious woman looking to her side | Source: Midjourney
“Here,” she said, handing me a keycard. “This is your room key.”
I looked down. It had my name — and Lily and Sophie’s.
“Oh,” I said slowly. “I’m in a cabin with the girls?”
She smiled wide. “We made a last-minute change! They’re SO excited to have a big sister all week!”
A smiling woman talking to her stepdaughter | Source: Midjourney
I glanced around. “I thought maybe I’d have my own cabin? Even a small one?”
Linda’s voice was sweet, but firm. “Honey, it didn’t make sense to get another room. Richard and I need a little privacy. You’re so good with the girls. This way, they’ll be comfortable.”
My dad nodded behind her, distracted by the luggage. “Thanks for being flexible, kiddo.”
I swallowed my disappointment. “Sure. No problem.”
A serious woman on a cruise ship | Source: Midjourney
I told myself not to make a big deal out of it. Maybe it was just the first night. Maybe tomorrow would be different.
Maybe…
Day one started at the pool.
Lily didn’t want to wear sunscreen. Sophie wanted a different float. Within minutes, both girls were crying. Linda and my dad handed me a towel and disappeared toward the adult deck.
A girl in a pool | Source: Pexels
“You’re the best with them,” Linda said cheerfully. “We’ll just be an hour!”
It turned into three. By the time I got the girls dried off and back to the cabin, I was sunburned and exhausted.
Day two, I was supposed to join a snorkeling trip. I had even packed my bag early.
A smiling woman ready for her trip | Source: Midjourney
At breakfast, Linda leaned over with a cup of coffee in hand. “So, the girls didn’t sleep great. They’re crabby. Could you keep them in the cabin this morning? They need a nap.”
I looked at her. “Wait, what about the excursion?”
She smiled. “Richard and I booked a wine tasting. I figured you’d understand.”
A smiling woman talking to her stepdaughter on a cruise ship | Source: Midjourney
So, instead of snorkeling in clear blue water, I spent the day trying to calm a fussy nine-year-old and a tearful seven-year-old while everyone else got to unwind.
Day three, same story.
They left for a couples massage and a kid-free lunch. I stayed behind again, playing board games and cleaning up juice spills.
Any time I tried to sit alone or breathe for a second, Linda would appear.
A smiling mature woman on a cruise ship | Source: Midjourney
“Sweetie, can you take the girls to the arcade?”
“Do you mind skipping dinner tonight? Richard and I just need a little quiet time.”
By that night, something inside me broke. At dinner, I watched them laugh and sip wine while the girls argued over crayons beside me.
I finally said it out loud.
A serious young woman | Source: Pexels
“Linda… I thought I’d get some time to myself, too. I paid for my ticket. I just—”
She didn’t let me finish. “You’re not a child,” she said, smiling tightly. “Why wouldn’t you help out? That’s what family does.”
I blinked. She went right back to her drink.
That night, after the girls fell asleep, I lay in the narrow bunk bed and stared at the ceiling.
A sleepless woman lying in her bed | Source: Midjourney
The hum of the ship filled the room. I could hear Lily turning in her sleep.
“I came here to feel like part of the family,” I whispered, “not the hired help.”
My eyes burned. I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. The next morning, I got up early. I didn’t say a word.
I quietly packed a small bag and woke the girls up.
A woman with a small backpack | Source: Midjourney
They slipped into their sandals and took their little backpacks. I grabbed their room key from the desk — Linda had given them one just in case — and led them out, still half-asleep, holding each of their hands.
When we reached their parents’ cabin, I unlocked the door and gently guided them inside. The room was dark and quiet. Linda and my dad were still asleep.
A couple alseep in their room | Source: Midjourney
I whispered, “Stay here, okay? This is where you belong.”
Lily nodded, curling up on the empty bed beside her sister. Neither of them asked questions. Maybe they felt the shift too.
I pulled out a folded note I’d written earlier and placed it gently on the nightstand, beside Linda’s sunglasses.
The girls are safe. But I need space too. I’m not your help. — A.
A notepad and a pen on a bedside table | Source: Pexels
Then I slipped out, quietly closing the door behind me.
Back in my cabin, I opened the cruise app and booked a last-minute upgrade to a solo room. It wasn’t cheap, but I didn’t think twice.
For the first time on this trip, I finally chose myself.
A smiling woman standing on a deck | Source: Pexels
By lunchtime, I was on the top deck, sitting in the sun with a book in my lap. My new room was quiet. No crayons. No sticky hands.
Just peace.
That’s when Linda found me.
“You just left?” she snapped. “You’re being selfish.”
An angry woman on a cruise ship | Source: Midjourney
I looked up at her. Calm. Tired.
“I didn’t leave them,” I said. “I brought them to you. Like a mother should’ve had them from the start.”
She stared at me.
“I came here to be a daughter. A sister. Not your nanny.”
She didn’t say a word. She turned and walked away.
A woman walking away on a cruise ship | Source: Midjourney
The rest of the cruise felt like a breath of fresh air.
I spent my mornings on the top deck, reading in the sun with a warm cup of coffee. No interruptions. No crying. No demands.
One afternoon, I joined a small snorkeling group. I floated through clear blue water, the kind you only see in postcards. I laughed with strangers, took silly photos, and let the salty breeze wash the stress off me.
A woman snorkeling | Source: Pexels
I went to dinner alone. Sometimes I chose the buffet. Other nights, I found a quiet café in the corner of the ship and took my time. I ordered dessert. I didn’t rush. I tried new things and let myself enjoy them.
It felt like I’d found a piece of myself again — the part that wasn’t always trying to please everyone else.
A woman walking on a cruise ship | Source: Pexels
I didn’t avoid my family, but I kept my distance. We passed in hallways and at the elevator. Linda barely looked at me. The girls smiled and waved. My dad gave me a tired nod now and then.
On the final night, my dad knocked gently on my cabin door.
“Hey,” he said. “Just wanted to check in.”
I opened the door, unsure what to expect.
A serious man in a cruise ship room | Source: Midjourney
“I didn’t realize what was happening,” he said. “I should’ve. I’m sorry I didn’t speak up.”
I nodded. “Thanks, Dad. That means a lot.”
He hesitated. “Linda didn’t mean to make you feel… used.”
“She did, though,” I said quietly. “And she never even asked how I felt.”
A serious young woman talking to her father | Source: Midjourney
He sighed. “I’ll talk to her.”
I didn’t hold my breath.
The next morning, we took the shuttle back to the parking lot. The ride was quiet. Linda stared out the window. The girls whispered between themselves. My dad sat beside me and didn’t say much.
Before I got out of the car, he gave my arm a quick squeeze.
Holding hands | Source: Pexels
“I hope you’ll still plan trips,” he said.
I smiled. “I will. But only with people who see me as family. Not free labor.”
Back home, I unpacked slowly, letting the silence settle in. For the first time in days, I didn’t feel small.
I felt free.
A happy woman on her laptop at home | Source: Pexels
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