According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My Husband Insisted We Sleep in Separate Rooms — One Night, I Heard Strange Noises Coming from His Room and Checked It Out
When Pam’s husband insists they sleep in separate rooms, she’s left hurt and confused. As nights pass, strange noises from his room stir her suspicion. Is he hiding something? One night, curiosity wins, and she heads to his door, bracing for the truth behind the noise.
I watched James clear out his bedside table, my heart sinking with each item he placed into the small wicker basket.
Five years ago, a car accident left me paralyzed from the waist down. James had been my rock ever since. Now, as he packed up his things, I couldn’t help but feel like my world was crumbling all over again.
A man placing personal items into a basket | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll still be here if you need me, Pam,” he said, his voice soft but firm. “This doesn’t change that.”
“You just won’t be in the same room anymore,” I mumbled.
James nodded. “Like I said, I just need a bit more freedom while I sleep.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. How could I tell him that this changed everything? That the thought of sleeping alone in this big bed terrified me?
A worried woman | Source: Midjourney
As he left the room, basket in hand, a crushing wave of insecurity washed over me. The thought that James might not be able to bear sleeping next to me anymore made my chest tighten with fear.
The weeks that followed were a blur of endless doubts. I’d lie awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering if James regretted staying with me after the accident. Was I too much of a burden? Had he finally reached his breaking point?
Then came the noises at night.
A woman lying in bed | Source: Midjourney
It started as faint scratches and muffled thumps coming from James’ new room down the hall. At first, I brushed it off as him settling into his new space. But as the sounds grew louder and more frequent, my mind began to race.
What was he doing in there? Was he… packing? Planning his escape? Or worse, was there someone else?
Night after night, the noises tormented me.
A woman lying awake | Source: Midjourney
I’d strain my ears, trying to make sense of the shuffling and occasional clank of metal. My imagination ran wild, conjuring up scenarios each more heartbreaking than the last.
One day, as I passed the door to his room, I couldn’t resist the temptation anymore. I reached out and grabbed the doorknob. I was going to see for myself what he was getting up to in there.
But the door was locked.
A doorknob | Source: Pexels
I stared at it in shock. Sleeping in separate rooms was one thing, but now he was locking me out of his bedroom, too. Maybe he had been all along, and I’d never noticed.
A weighty dread settled over my heart. Now, more than ever before, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d lost James for good. He probably felt guilty about leaving me outright so now… now he was torturing me instead.
That night, when he came home from work, I confronted him.
A determined woman | Source: Midjourney
“You think I want to leave you?” James gaped at me across our dining table. “Why would you think that?”
“The separate rooms…” I glanced down at my plate and pushed some rice around. “I don’t want you to feel burdened by me.”
“I told you, I just want to sleep by myself,” he snapped. “I… you know I’m a restless sleeper. I don’t want to hurt you.”
None of that had ever been a problem before, but I just nodded. How did our relationship erode to the point where he couldn’t even be honest with me anymore?
An emotional woman | Source: Midjourney
That night, the noises were louder than ever. I couldn’t take it anymore. Ignoring the pain shooting through my body, I heaved myself into my wheelchair.
The journey down the hallway was agonizing, but I pressed on, driven by a desperate need to know the truth.
As I approached James’ door, the air seemed to grow colder. The house creaked and groaned around me, as if warning me to turn back. But I couldn’t. Not now.
A hand reaching out | Source: Pexels
With a trembling hand, I reached for the doorknob. My heart pounded so hard I thought it might burst out of my chest. Slowly, I turned the handle. The door was unlocked this time.
“James?” I called out, pushing the door open.
The sight that greeted me brought tears to my eyes and left me speechless.
A woman with tears in her eyes | Source: Midjourney
James stood in the center of the room, surrounded by an array of half-finished furniture, paint cans, and tools. He looked up at me, surprise etched across his face, before his expression softened into a sheepish smile.
“You weren’t supposed to see this yet,” he said, running a hand through his hair.
I blinked, trying to make sense of the scene before me. “What… what is all this?”
A frowning woman | Source: Midjourney
James stepped aside, revealing a small wooden structure behind him. “It’s a lift system,” he explained. “To help you get in and out of bed more easily. I know we’ve been struggling with that for a while now.”
My eyes darted around the room, taking in details I’d missed at first glance. There was a beautifully painted bedside table with drawers at just the right height for me to reach from my chair. Sketches and blueprints covered every available surface.
A bedside table with drawers | Source: Pexels
“I’ve been working on this for our anniversary,” James admitted, his voice soft and warm. “I know you’ve been frustrated with how hard it’s been to move around the house. I wanted to make things easier for you.”
Tears welled up in my eyes as the full weight of his words hit me. All this time, when I thought he was pulling away, he’d been working tirelessly to make our home more accessible for me.
Then, James walked over to a corner of the room and pulled out a small, beautifully wrapped box.
A gift | Source: Midjourney
“This is part of it too,” he said, placing it gently in my lap.
With shaking hands, I unwrapped the gift. Inside was a custom-made heating pad for my legs, something I’d been needing for a while now but never got around to buying.
“I wanted to make sure you’re comfortable, even on the worst pain days,” James explained, a shy smile playing on his lips.
I looked up at him, my vision blurred by tears. “But… why the separate rooms? Why all the secrecy?”
James knelt beside my wheelchair, taking my hands in his.
A man and his wife | Source: Midjourney
“I needed space to work without spoiling the surprise. And honestly, Pam, I was scared I’d let something slip if we were together every night. You know I’m terrible at keeping secrets from you.”
A laugh bubbled up from my chest, surprising us both. It was true; James had never been able to keep a secret from me for long. The thought of him trying so hard to maintain this one was both touching and amusing.
“I’m so sorry that I made you worry,” he continued, his thumb tracing circles on the back of my hand.
A couple sharing a tender moment | Source: Midjourney
“That was never my intention,” he continued. “I just wanted to do something special for you, to show you how much I love you and that I’m here for the long haul.”
I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his. “Oh, James,” I whispered. “I love you too. So much.”
We stayed like that for a moment, basking in the warmth of our rekindled connection. When I finally pulled back, I couldn’t help but smile at the mess around us.
A couple | Source: Midjourney
“So, do you need any help finishing up these projects?” I asked.
James grinned, his eyes lighting up with excitement. “I’d love that. We can work on them together, make this place truly ours.”
As we began discussing plans and ideas, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. The room that had once represented distance and suspicion now stood as a testament to James’ love and dedication.
A happy couple | Source: Midjourney
Weeks later, on our anniversary, we unveiled the renovations to our bedroom. The lift system was in place, along with the custom furniture James had crafted.
As I watched him carry his things back to our room, setting them on his bedside table, I felt a surge of emotion.
“Welcome back,” I said softly as he climbed into bed beside me.
James pulled me close, kissing the top of my head. “I never left, Pam. And I never will.”
Items on a nightstand | Source: Midjourney
As we settled in for the night, I realized that our love, like the room around us, had been transformed. What once seemed like a growing distance was actually a love so deep it had found new ways to express itself.
In the end, it wasn’t about sleeping in the same bed or even being in the same room. It was about the lengths we were willing to go to for each other, the sacrifices we’d make, and the love that bound us together through it all.
Here’s another story: Struggling with chronic fatigue, Sarah sets up a camera to record her sleep. She’s shocked to see her husband, Jake, leaving the house in the dead of night. Suspicion and fear grip her as she investigates, leading to a tense confrontation.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
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