According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
On My Wedding Day, My Mother-in-Law Handed Me a Note—I Fled Through the Back Door and Disappeared for 15 Years.
My eyes locked onto my mother-in-law, whose face looked as if she had just seen a ghost. In her trembling hand, a small envelope shook, and her eyes were frozen in an expression of pure panic. The loud music in the grand banquet hall of the old mansion drowned out all other sounds, making our conversation completely private.
That sunny May morning was supposed to be perfect. My fiancé Sergei’s family mansion was impeccably prepared to welcome the guests. Waiters meticulously arranged crystal glasses, and the air was filled with the scent of fresh roses and fine champagne. The luxurious portraits framed in gold seemed to silently observe everything happening in the room.
— “Anastasia, have you noticed that Sergei is acting strangely today?” my mother-in-law whispered, glancing around anxiously.
I frowned. Indeed, Sergei had been tense all day. Now, he stood at the far end of the room, pressing his phone to his ear, his face rigid, as if he were hiding something.
— “Just pre-wedding nerves,” I tried to brush it off, adjusting my veil.
— “Look at this. Right now,” she murmured, slipping an envelope into my hands before quickly disappearing into the crowd, regaining her poised demeanor and polished social smile.
Curious and unsettled, I found a discreet corner and hastily unfolded the note. My heart stopped.
“Sergei and his family plan to get rid of you after the wedding. You are part of their scheme. They know about your family’s inheritance. Run if you want to live.”
My first instinct was to laugh. This had to be some kind of cruel joke from my mother-in-law. But then I recalled Sergei’s suspicious conversations, which he always cut short whenever I appeared. His sudden coldness, the secretive glances…
My eyes met his across the room. Sergei had ended his call and was now watching me. There was something different about his gaze—it wasn’t the man I had fallen in love with, but a stranger, a predator.
— “Nastya!” my bridesmaid called excitedly. — “It’s time!”
— “Coming! I just need to use the restroom!”
I ran out into the street through the service corridor, taking off my shoes.
I caught a taxi outside the gate and asked the driver to take me to the station. An hour later, I was already on a train to another city, dressed in purchases from the station store.
I wonder what story Sergei will come up with? Will he pretend to be a sad groom or will he show his true face?
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. A new life awaited me ahead.
Changing yourself for the sake of safety – that’s what fifteen years of practicing perfect coffee means.
“Your favorite cappuccino is ready,” I put the cup in front of a regular guest of a modest cafe on the outskirts of Kaliningrad. “And a blueberry muffin, as always?”
“You are too kind to me, Vera Andreyevna,” smiled the elderly professor, one of those who regularly warmed up our small coffee shop.
Now I was Vera. Anastasia dissolved in the past along with a white dress and broken hopes. I had to pay a lot for new documents, but the price turned out to be Fully worth it.
“What’s interesting in the world?” I nodded at his tablet, where he was scrolling through the latest news.
“Another businessman caught in fraud. Sergei Valerievich Romanov”
My hand trembled, and the cup slightly clinked on the saucer. A face appeared on the screen – painfully familiar.
“The head of the holding company ‘RomanovGroup’ is suspected of major financial fraud.” And below, in small print: “Conversations continue around the strange disappearance of his fiancée 15 years ago.”
“Lena, do you understand what you’re saying? I can’t just go back!”
I was rushing around the rented apartment, holding the phone to my ear. Lena, the only one I trusted with the truth, spoke quickly and forcefully:
“Anastasia, listen! His company is under close scrutiny, he’s never been so vulnerable. This is your chance to get your life back!”
“What life? The one where I was a frivolous girl who almost became a victim of a murderer?”
“No, the one where you are Anastasia Vitalievna Sokolova, and not some Vera from the coffee shop!”
I froze in front of the mirror. The woman looking at me had become older and more cautious. The first silver threads had appeared in her hair, and a steel glint had appeared in her eyes.
“Lena, his mother saved my life back then. How is she now?”
“Vera Nikolaevna is in a nursing home. Sergei had long ago removed her from the company’s affairs. They say she asked too many questions.”
The Golden Autumn Nursing Home was located in a picturesque place outside the city. Introducing myself as a social worker (and the necessary papers were easily accessible thanks to my savings), I was easily led to Vera Nikolaevna.
She was sitting by the window in a chair – so fragile and aged that it took my breath away. But her eyes – those same, penetrating and tenacious – recognized me instantly.
“I knew you would come,” she said simply. – “Sit down, tell me how you lived these years.”
I told her about my new life – about cafes, quiet evenings with books, about how I learned to start over.
She listened, nodding occasionally, and then said:
“He planned to stage an accident during his honeymoon on a yacht. Everything was prepared in advance.” Her voice trembled:
“And now he sent me here to live out my days because I began to dig up his affairs. Do you know how many of these ‘accidents’ have happened to his partners over the years?”
“Vera Nikolaevna,” I took her hand carefully. “Do you have evidence?”
She grinned:
“Darling, I have a whole safe of evidence. Do you think I’ve been silent all these years in vain? I was waiting. Waiting for you to come back.” The same steel spark that I saw every morning in the mirror lit up her gaze. “Well, dear” she squeezed my hand, “maybe we should give my son a belated wedding surprise?”
“Are you sure you’re one of the auditors?” the secretary looked at my documents with distrust.
“Exactly. The emergency audit is related to recent publications.”
The office allocated to me within the walls of “RomanovGroup” was located two floors below Sergei’s office. Every morning I watched his black Maybach arrive at the main entrance. Sergey had hardly changed – the same impeccable posture, elegant suit, the familiar look of a man who submits to everyone. His lawyers have successfully hushed up the scandal so far, but it’s only a matter of time.
“Margarita Olegovna, do you have a minute?” I turned to the chief accountant passing by. “Did it seem that way, or are there certain… discrepancies in the 2023 financial statements?”
The chief accountant turned noticeably pale. As Vera Nikolaevna had assumed, this woman knew too much and was looking for a way to clear her conscience.
“Nastya, something’s wrong,” Lena’s voice trembled in the phone. “They’ve been following me for two days now.”
“Calm down,” I locked the office. “Is the flash drive in a safe place?”
“Yes, but Sergei’s people…”
“Be ready. And remember – tomorrow at ten, as agreed.”
I went to the window. Two strong guys in civilian clothes were looming at the entrance. The company’s security service began to worry. It was time to speed things up.
“Sergei Valerievich, you have a guest,” the secretary could barely contain the trembling in her voice.
“I gave clear instructions – don’t let anyone in!”
“She says… that you abandoned her at the altar fifteen years ago.”
A heavy silence hung in the office. I resolutely entered, without waiting for permission.
Sergei slowly raised his head from the documents. His face froze into a mask.
“You…”
“Hello, dear. Didn’t expect this?”
He abruptly pressed the button on the phone:
“Security to me!”
“No need,” I put the folder on the table. “The investigation already has your documents. Margarita Olegovna turned out to be surprisingly talkative. And your mother… she spent many years collecting dirt on you.”
His hand reached for the desk drawer.
“I don’t advise it,” I warned. “Shooting will cause unnecessary noise. And the prosecutor’s office is already waiting at the main entrance.”
For the first time, I saw fear appear on his face.
“What do you want?” he muttered.
“The truth. Tell me about the yacht. About the ‘accident’ that was planned.”
He leaned back in his chair and suddenly laughed:
“And you’ve grown up, Anastasia. Yes, I was going to eliminate you. Your inheritance was supposed to be an investment for the business. And then… I had to play the role of a saddened groom for many years, so that no one would ask unnecessary questions.”
“And how many lives have you taken over these years?”
“This is business, babe. There is no place for feelings here.”
The noise behind the door became louder – the investigators were approaching.
“You know what?” I leaned towards him. “Thank you to your mother. Not only did she save my life, but she also taught me patience: sometimes you need to wait a long time to strike the right blow.”
Three months later, I was sitting in my favorite coffee shop in Kaliningrad. The TV screen was broadcasting a court hearing – Sergei was sentenced to fifteen years in prison. That’s how long I spent wandering.
“Your cappuccino, professor,” I put the cup in front of a regular customer.
“Thank you, Vera… I mean Anastasia.” he smiled sheepishly. “Now will you return to your old life?”
“You know, professor… Maybe my old life wasn’t real? Maybe I’m just starting a full life now. I bought this coffee shop and am staying here.”
It was raining outside, filling the air with the freshness of freedom.
Leave a Reply